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About Portland observer. (Portland, Or.) 1970-current | View Entire Issue (Aug. 12, 1998)
Page A3 (Clfc |Jortlanò Cìhscruer Father To Father-Fathers Arc the Solution, Not the Problem A by AUGUST 12, 1998 C harles B allard I see a lot o f angry kids in my work, but none can match the anger o f a boy I knew years ago. He was the second youngest o f six children; his mother was a housewife, his father was a coal miner. As a child no more than three years old, he used to wait for his father to com e up from the mine after his shift. Then one day, his father was gone. His long bouts o f illness had grown worse, and he was taken away to a mental institution, an asylum. The little boy was never told where his father went, and he never saw him again. W ithout his father around, that boy’s life go a lot harder. When the boy grew up, he left school before he graduated, and fathered a child with a girl he had no intention o f marrying. To run away, he joined the Army, but he got into trouble and ended up in prison. That angry young man is someone 1 knew well, because that man is w ho Charles Augustus Ballard used to be. Today, I pass m any angry young men on the street. M any o f them have children, but few have families. Few share a hom e w ith th eir sons and d a u g h te rs an d th e ir c h ild r e n ’s m others. A s a so ciety , o u r ap proach to w ard s th ese in v isib le fa th ers is a m ix o f an g er and in d iffer ence: w e ’re ready to condem n them fo rth e ir flight from resp o n sib ility , and p urse them for child support. O th erw ise, w e look rig h t th ro u g h them . F or 22 years I ’ve been h elp in g th e se fathers. In a social services u n iv e rse o f trillio n s o f d o llars and o v erlap p in g and in terlo ck in g p ro gram s at a local, state, and federal level, I’m still asto n ish ed at how few p rogram s aim to co n n ect fa th ers w ith th e ir ch ildren. T he vast m ajo rity o f assistan ce program s, rangin g from social se r v ic e s to su p p o rt p a y m e n ts are aim ed at young m o th ers. At best, fa th e rs a re irre le v a n t; in v is ib le m en, d riftin g in and out o f th e ir c h ild re n ’s lives. A t w o rst, th ey are a p rese n ce that can d isq u a lify a m o th er fo r g o v ern m en t b en efits. F athers, teen fathers esp ecially , get the m essage: T h ey are the p ro b lem . 1 som etim es w o n d er w h eth er any o f us ap p re cia te the radical ex p e rim en t w e are co n d u ctin g in th e in n e r-citie s o f A m erica. T o m e, th e fath e r isn ’t the p ro b lem . H e is the solution. L ook at th e social p ath o lo g ies that p lag u e us today: drug ab use, h o m icid e, gang v io le n ce and crim e. N ow su rv ey th e y o u th w ho fall p rey to any o f all o f th o se ca la m ities, and ask them w hat ro le th e ir fath er p lay ed in th e ir liv es or w h ere he w as w hen th e ir liv es to o k a turn for th e w orse. Y o u ’ll find m any say, “ no ro le at a ll.” Even i n the poorest neighborhoods, you can see a difference from one street to the next when the fathers are home. On the street where you see fathers, you’ll see a safer street. That street will see less crime. It w o n ’t have a crack house on the com er or stripped cars at the curb. Most important, chances are that having a father in the family meanschildren w on’t havechil- dren o f their own. W hen I funded the Institute for Responsible Fatherhood and Family Revitalization 1 had every specific goal: teaching men to be better fathers. I was inspired by the words in the book o f Malichi: “...and he shall turn the hearts o f the fathers to their children and the hearts o f the children to their fathers.” Unlike the social services system, which concentrates on symp toms o f fatherlessness, with programs designed to provide material things missing because dad’s not there, our centers com e from a different direc tion. W e’re doing som ething w e be lieve to be more meaningful, more lasting, better for both the chi ldren and the com munities they live in: Giving them back loving and com passionate fathers. Parenting by Grandparents, II Many seniors are taking a second turn at parenting. More than 3 million American chil dren currently live with grandparents or other relatives. In nearly one-third of these households, grandparents are the primary caregivers. “Divorce, single parent families and financial hardships are just a few o f the reasons why w e see more grandparents steppingbackintotherolesofmotheror father,” said Nancy Wilson, an assistant professor at the Huffington Center on Aging atBaylorCollegeofM edicine in Houston. “This can be overwhelming for many older people and cause them to neglect their own personal and health needs.” Grandparents should recognize that maintaining their own health is critical. This means following through on doctor appointments remembering to take pre scription medications, getting plenty o f rest, eating a healthy diet and reaching out for help when necessary. “Talking with others who are in simi lar surrogate parenting roles can be very helpful, “ said Wilson. “It’s a way to exchange ideas, vent frustrations, share information and develop friendships.” Seeking support is also a way to learn information valuable to the entire family. Resources include thechild’spedia- trician, teachers and school counselors. Grandparents can also take advantage o f parenting courses offered by hospi tals, seniors’ groups and charitable or ganizations. “Caring full-time for grandchildren can be challenging, but it can also help grandparentsdevelop unique bonds with their grandchildren and strengthen rela tionships that can have a lasting impact on the children,” said Wilson. NBA Star A.C. Green Tells “Why I Have Refused Sex” A.C. Green In an Ebony exclusive N BA star A.C. Green tells why he has remained a virgin and w hy he defies the image o fsin g le N BA players. In the August Ebony. A.C. G reen says, “I choose to be abstinent because o f the se lf respect and the high regard 1 have for my body.” Green, 34, a star forw ard with the Dallas M avericks, previously with the Phoenix Suns and the L.A. L ak ers, was a m em b ero ftw o N B A cham pionship team s. He tells his col leagues that they are “playing with fire” when they have sex with women out o f wedlock. “These guys have so m uch to lose. It's crazy to m e to put y o u rself in that position.” Green is currently the N B A ’s Iron Man for breaking the N B A 's consecutive gam e streak with 907 straight gam es and says, “I’m not superhum an. Iam definitely a man. I’m not perfect; but I know w hat’s right.” G reen is a native o f Portland, O r egon w here he ow ns tw elve D enny’s restaurants and is the author o f the book, “Victory: Principles ForCham- pionship Living.” Green says, “No man or woman, boy or girl, should put their trust in a piece o f rubber. A condom never stopped a person from experiencing a broken heart or a shat tered dream no m atter how m any you put on. ForSingles-SA FESEX ISN O SEX. Period. T hat’s a 100% guaran tee.” Find out why Green is proud to be a virgin and how he stays aw ay from tem pestuous women. A lso find out why he warns women abut NBA play ers who may treat them like a piece or meat and explains that NBA sexual promiscuity is “a game within a game,” in the A ugust Ebony. You Can Now Find Us On The Web!!! http://www.portlandobserver.net e-mail-PDXOBSERV@aol.com y#/ C ooking C o rn e r ^S-S? Cranberry-Oat Muffins (NAPS)—Those who prefer fit ness to fatness may delight in this delicious recipe by Ms. L. Pauls, recipe contest winner at the Kansas State Fair. It uses Country Crock Churn Style, which has a rich, creamy, sweet, fresh-from-the-farm butter taste, but with less fat than butter or margarine, and no cholesterol. CRANBERRY-OAT MUFFINS % cup fresh or frozen cranberries, halved V4 cup confectioners sugar 1V4 cups all-purpose flour Vi cup granulated sugar Vi teaspoon salt 3 Vi teaspoons baking powder 2 Tablespoons wheat-germ Vi cup oats 1 egg, well-beaten 1 cup buttermilk 6 Tablespoons Shedd’s Spread Country Crock Churn Style* Preheat oven to 375’F. Mix the cranberries with confec tioners sugar; set aside. Sift the d ry in g r e d ie n ts in to a large bowl. Stir in the wheat germ and oats, make a well. In another bowl, mix the egg, but term ilk and m elted Shedd’s Sp.*ead Country Crock Churn Style. Add all at once, stir with a fork, only until moistened. Fold in cra n b e rrie s. F ill greased muffin tins two-thirds full. Bake for 25 m inutes or until done when tested with a w ooden p ick and golden brow n. Rem ove to co o lin g rack. Makes 12 muffins.© ♦
