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Father To Father-Fathers Arc
the Solution, Not the Problem
A
by
AUGUST 12, 1998
C harles B allard
I see a lot o f angry kids in my work,
but none can match the anger o f a boy
I knew years ago. He was the second
youngest o f six children; his mother
was a housewife, his father was a coal
miner. As a child no more than three
years old, he used to wait for his father
to com e up from the mine after his
shift. Then one day, his father was
gone. His long bouts o f illness had
grown worse, and he was taken away
to a mental institution, an asylum. The
little boy was never told where his
father went, and he never saw him
again. W ithout his father around, that
boy’s life go a lot harder.
When the boy grew up, he left school
before he graduated, and fathered a
child with a girl he had no intention o f
marrying. To run away, he joined the
Army, but he got into trouble and
ended up in prison. That angry young
man is someone 1 knew well, because
that man is w ho Charles Augustus
Ballard used to be.
Today, I pass m any angry young
men on the street. M any o f them have
children, but few have families. Few
share a hom e w ith th eir sons and
d a u g h te rs an d th e ir c h ild r e n ’s
m others. A s a so ciety , o u r ap
proach to w ard s th ese in v isib le fa
th ers is a m ix o f an g er and in d iffer
ence: w e ’re ready to condem n them
fo rth e ir flight from resp o n sib ility ,
and p urse them for child support.
O th erw ise, w e look rig h t th ro u g h
them .
F or 22 years I ’ve been h elp in g
th e se fathers. In a social services
u n iv e rse o f trillio n s o f d o llars and
o v erlap p in g and in terlo ck in g p ro
gram s at a local, state, and federal
level, I’m still asto n ish ed at how
few p rogram s aim to co n n ect fa
th ers w ith th e ir ch ildren.
T he vast m ajo rity o f assistan ce
program s, rangin g from social se r
v ic e s to su p p o rt p a y m e n ts are
aim ed at young m o th ers. At best,
fa th e rs a re irre le v a n t; in v is ib le
m en, d riftin g in and out o f th e ir
c h ild re n ’s lives. A t w o rst, th ey are
a p rese n ce that can d isq u a lify a
m o th er fo r g o v ern m en t b en efits.
F athers, teen fathers esp ecially , get
the m essage: T h ey are the p ro b
lem . 1 som etim es w o n d er w h eth er
any o f us ap p re cia te the radical
ex p e rim en t w e are co n d u ctin g in
th e in n e r-citie s o f A m erica.
T o m e, th e fath e r isn ’t the p ro b
lem . H e is the solution. L ook at
th e social p ath o lo g ies that p lag u e
us today: drug ab use, h o m icid e,
gang v io le n ce and crim e. N ow
su rv ey th e y o u th w ho fall p rey to
any o f all o f th o se ca la m ities, and
ask them w hat ro le th e ir fath er
p lay ed in th e ir liv es or w h ere he
w as w hen th e ir liv es to o k a turn for
th e w orse. Y o u ’ll find m any say,
“ no ro le at a ll.”
Even i n the poorest neighborhoods,
you can see a difference from one
street to the next when the fathers are
home. On the street where you see
fathers, you’ll see a safer street. That
street will see less crime. It w o n ’t have
a crack house on the com er or stripped
cars at the curb. Most important,
chances are that having a father in the
family meanschildren w on’t havechil-
dren o f their own.
W hen I funded the Institute for
Responsible Fatherhood and Family
Revitalization 1 had every specific goal:
teaching men to be better fathers. I
was inspired by the words in the book
o f Malichi: “...and he shall turn the
hearts o f the fathers to their children
and the hearts o f the children to their
fathers.” Unlike the social services
system, which concentrates on symp
toms o f fatherlessness, with programs
designed to provide material things
missing because dad’s not there, our
centers com e from a different direc
tion. W e’re doing som ething w e be
lieve to be more meaningful, more
lasting, better for both the chi ldren and
the com munities they live in: Giving
them back loving and com passionate
fathers.
Parenting by Grandparents, II
Many seniors are taking a second
turn at parenting.
More than 3 million American chil
dren currently live with grandparents or
other relatives. In nearly one-third of
these households, grandparents are the
primary caregivers.
“Divorce, single parent families and
financial hardships are just a few o f the
reasons why w e see more grandparents
steppingbackintotherolesofmotheror
father,” said Nancy Wilson, an assistant
professor at the Huffington Center on
Aging atBaylorCollegeofM edicine in
Houston. “This can be overwhelming
for many older people and cause them to
neglect their own personal and health
needs.”
Grandparents should recognize that
maintaining their own health is critical.
This means following through on doctor
appointments remembering to take pre
scription medications, getting plenty o f
rest, eating a healthy diet and reaching
out for help when necessary.
“Talking with others who are in simi
lar surrogate parenting roles can be very
helpful, “ said Wilson. “It’s a way to
exchange ideas, vent frustrations, share
information and develop friendships.”
Seeking support is also a way to
learn information valuable to the entire
family.
Resources include thechild’spedia-
trician, teachers and school counselors.
Grandparents can also take advantage
o f parenting courses offered by hospi
tals, seniors’ groups and charitable or
ganizations.
“Caring full-time for grandchildren
can be challenging, but it can also help
grandparentsdevelop unique bonds with
their grandchildren and strengthen rela
tionships that can have a lasting impact
on the children,” said Wilson.
NBA Star A.C. Green Tells “Why I
Have Refused Sex”
A.C. Green
In an Ebony exclusive N BA star
A.C. Green tells why he has remained
a virgin and w hy he defies the image
o fsin g le N BA players. In the August
Ebony.
A.C. G reen says, “I choose to be
abstinent because o f the se lf respect
and the high regard 1 have for my
body.” Green, 34, a star forw ard with
the Dallas M avericks, previously with
the Phoenix Suns and the L.A. L ak
ers, was a m em b ero ftw o N B A cham
pionship team s. He tells his col
leagues that they are “playing with
fire” when they have sex with women
out o f wedlock. “These guys have so
m uch to lose. It's crazy to m e to put
y o u rself in that position.” Green is
currently the N B A ’s Iron Man for
breaking the N B A 's consecutive
gam e streak with 907 straight gam es
and says, “I’m not superhum an. Iam
definitely a man. I’m not perfect; but
I know w hat’s right.”
G reen is a native o f Portland, O r
egon w here he ow ns tw elve D enny’s
restaurants and is the author o f the
book, “Victory: Principles ForCham-
pionship Living.” Green says, “No
man or woman, boy or girl, should put
their trust in a piece o f rubber. A
condom never stopped a person from
experiencing a broken heart or a shat
tered dream no m atter how m any you
put on. ForSingles-SA FESEX ISN O
SEX. Period. T hat’s a 100% guaran
tee.”
Find out why Green is proud to be
a virgin and how he stays aw ay from
tem pestuous women. A lso find out
why he warns women abut NBA play
ers who may treat them like a piece or
meat and explains that NBA sexual
promiscuity is “a game within a game,”
in the A ugust Ebony.
You Can Now Find Us On The Web!!!
http://www.portlandobserver.net
e-mail-PDXOBSERV@aol.com
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C ooking
C o rn e r ^S-S?
Cranberry-Oat Muffins
(NAPS)—Those who prefer fit
ness to fatness may delight in
this delicious recipe by Ms. L.
Pauls, recipe contest winner at
the Kansas State Fair.
It uses Country Crock Churn
Style, which has a rich, creamy,
sweet, fresh-from-the-farm butter
taste, but with less fat than butter
or margarine, and no cholesterol.
CRANBERRY-OAT MUFFINS
% cup fresh or frozen
cranberries, halved
V4 cup confectioners sugar
1V4 cups all-purpose flour
Vi cup granulated sugar
Vi teaspoon salt
3 Vi teaspoons baking powder
2 Tablespoons wheat-germ
Vi cup oats
1 egg, well-beaten
1 cup buttermilk
6 Tablespoons Shedd’s
Spread Country Crock
Churn Style*
Preheat oven to 375’F. Mix
the cranberries with confec
tioners sugar; set aside. Sift
the d ry in g r e d ie n ts in to a
large bowl. Stir in the wheat
germ and oats, make a well. In
another bowl, mix the egg, but
term ilk and m elted Shedd’s
Sp.*ead Country Crock Churn
Style. Add all at once, stir with
a fork, only until moistened.
Fold in cra n b e rrie s. F ill
greased muffin tins two-thirds
full. Bake for 25 m inutes or
until done when tested with a
w ooden p ick and golden
brow n. Rem ove to co o lin g
rack. Makes 12 muffins.©
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