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About The daily Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1961-current | View Entire Issue (April 25, 2018)
6A FEATURES TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE Talking about caregiving, money Dear Annie: My husband and I piece of the pie when we die. are both in our mid-80s, and we are Of course, if one of us were to suf- beginning to experience health issues. fer a stroke or have some illness that We have four children from his for- requires more care, this arrangement mer marriage. We have been married probably wouldn’t work. Is there a for 48 years. I have always expected right way to have this conversa- to go to a nursing home when my tion or somewhere other than with an attorney to make end- health declines to that point. DEAR of-life plans? We currently My husband vehemently have a trust and a standard says he will never go to one. ANNIE will. We live thousands of I do know that once your miles from these children funds and ability to pay are but are contemplating mov- exhausted, a nursing home takes all your remaining pos- ing to be closer and wonder- sessions, Social Security ing whether a conversation payments, etc. We have a fair should be had prior to our amount of money, nearly $1 doing anything. — Plan- Lane million, and I am wondering Annie ning Ahead Creators Syndicate Inc. whether this should be dis- Dear Planning Ahead: cussed with any of the poten- Yes, have the conversation tial heirs in the event they would like with your children before you move. to offer care in lieu of losing all that It wouldn’t be bribery for you to offer more money to one of your adult chil- money to a nursing home. It almost seems like a bribe, and dren if he or she would like to take I’m not comfortable talking about on caregiving duties. It would simply our finances with family. We have be fair. If it helps, think of it as rent. always been extremely independent. The AARP’s “Planning for Long- We have lived all over the country, so Term Care” guide is a great resource our ties are not like those of a lot of to help you ensure you’re covering parents. Neither of us wants to live in all your bases. You can download it any of their homes, but we think that from the AARP’s website (https:// perhaps a granny pad on one of their tinyurl.com/yb8loo47) or order a properties might work. We both feel copy by calling 888-OUR-AARP. that if someone is willing to do this, Dear Annie: I think you that person should receive a bigger answered “Waiting for May’s” main concern well by supporting her deci- sion to leave her emotionally abu- sive husband and elder son — but you missed an important point that all parents could learn from. She said, “I’ve repeatedly told my elder son he has slowly killed my love for him over the years.” Actually, it is her husband who has slowly killed the son’s ability to love himself and therefore others, including his own mother, over many years. The son should be held to account for his hurtful words, and “Waiting for May” will be doing so when she leaves him and his dad. But she should not tell him she no longer loves him, let alone that he is the rea- son. As a parent, she must choose grown-up language. She could say: “I love you. I have always loved you and always will. But I choose to live among people who accept my love and give me the appreciation I deserve. I’ll always be here for you, if and when you choose to interact kindly with me.” Not all mistakes parents make can be retracted, but this one can. The process starts when she starts to speak to her son as a loving par- ent who is holding him accountable. — 71-Year-Old Mom Dear Mom: Fantastic advice. Thank you for writing. THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2018 By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc. ARIES (March 21-April 19). On this emotionally stretchy day, time feels elastic, too. Forever can mean lifetimes or seconds. So don’t worry about how long a thing takes. The flow of doing it ... that’s what matters. smile when it rains, while others run for cover. For you it depends on the day, your mood, whom you’re with, what you’re wearing ... when you’re in the moment, there is no one-size-fits-all response to life’s weather. TAURUS (April 20-May 20). So many social constructs are well-meaning traditions that, for some reason, have lost their purpose, as far as you’re concerned. They no longer do what they’re supposed to. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). When the pressure is on, you stay cool and do the right thing. But when the pressure is off — that can be more challenging, because people get used to high stakes. Creativity will solve it. You have plenty of that! GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The small space between the sleep and the dream holds the most concentrated stuff of your day. Who or what inhabits that space right now? There’s more to be done about this, and you’re ready to try. CANCER (June 22-July 22). Comebacks are stronger than setbacks. You’ll be thinking about a past defeat. The tides have changed. The scene is different, and there’s optimism in you, too. If you try again, much will go right about it. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your communication style is an easy thing to love. You listen without interrupting, speak without accusing, express without dominating. If everyone were like you, peace would spread. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll decide what to do based on who will be there. You’ll think about how different people highlight different aspects of your personality. You’ll prioritize the people who bring out your sense of play. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). All you have to do is an internet search to know that you are not alone in your difficulties. Actually, someone in your immediate circle can relate to your problem more than you might have guessed. Speak up. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Some people FRANK AND ERNEST BLONDIE THATABABY SALLY FORTH PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN B.C. LOLA DILBERT SIX CHIX BIZARRO MUTTS NON SEQUITUR BABY BLUES WIZARD OF ID ZITS ROSE IS ROSE CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The biggest heartbreaker isn’t a person, it’s an expectation. Good news: Expectations are much easier to manage than people. Use what you know to get ahead of potential disappointment and cut it off at the pass. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). It’s funny how quickly you forget what you can do, what you’re good at, what you’ve solved before. It’s a good reason to write things down. Friends from the past who can remind you of your greatness are invaluable. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). There’s the aim — to retrieve the item, to get the go ahead, to earn the amount. Then there’s the deeper aim. To live fully and gracefully and beautifully. It’s the secret mission inside the mission. TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (April 26). There’s a happy vibration to your personal life that spills onto the things you create. You’re building a life around helping people, but it won’t feel like that at first. Education is where it starts. You’ll influence a group, and then the group will influence you. Two meaningful trips will give you the opportunity to heal family bonds. Leo and Pisces adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 8, 30, 33, 17 and 42.
