6A
FEATURES
TOMORROW’S HOROSCOPE
Talking about caregiving, money
Dear Annie: My husband and I piece of the pie when we die.
are both in our mid-80s, and we are
Of course, if one of us were to suf-
beginning to experience health issues. fer a stroke or have some illness that
We have four children from his for- requires more care, this arrangement
mer marriage. We have been married probably wouldn’t work. Is there a
for 48 years. I have always expected right way to have this conversa-
to go to a nursing home when my tion or somewhere other than with
an attorney to make end-
health declines to that point.
DEAR
of-life plans? We currently
My husband vehemently
have a trust and a standard
says he will never go to one.
ANNIE
will. We live thousands of
I do know that once your
miles from these children
funds and ability to pay are
but are contemplating mov-
exhausted, a nursing home
takes all your remaining pos-
ing to be closer and wonder-
sessions, Social Security
ing whether a conversation
payments, etc. We have a fair
should be had prior to our
amount of money, nearly $1
doing anything. — Plan-
Lane
million, and I am wondering Annie
ning
Ahead
Creators
Syndicate Inc.
whether this should be dis-
Dear Planning Ahead:
cussed with any of the poten-
Yes, have the conversation
tial heirs in the event they would like with your children before you move.
to offer care in lieu of losing all that It wouldn’t be bribery for you to offer
more money to one of your adult chil-
money to a nursing home.
It almost seems like a bribe, and dren if he or she would like to take
I’m not comfortable talking about on caregiving duties. It would simply
our finances with family. We have be fair. If it helps, think of it as rent.
always been extremely independent. The AARP’s “Planning for Long-
We have lived all over the country, so Term Care” guide is a great resource
our ties are not like those of a lot of to help you ensure you’re covering
parents. Neither of us wants to live in all your bases. You can download it
any of their homes, but we think that from the AARP’s website (https://
perhaps a granny pad on one of their tinyurl.com/yb8loo47) or order a
properties might work. We both feel copy by calling 888-OUR-AARP.
that if someone is willing to do this,
Dear Annie: I think you
that person should receive a bigger answered “Waiting for May’s” main
concern well by supporting her deci-
sion to leave her emotionally abu-
sive husband and elder son — but
you missed an important point that
all parents could learn from. She
said, “I’ve repeatedly told my elder
son he has slowly killed my love for
him over the years.” Actually, it is
her husband who has slowly killed
the son’s ability to love himself and
therefore others, including his own
mother, over many years.
The son should be held to account
for his hurtful words, and “Waiting
for May” will be doing so when
she leaves him and his dad. But she
should not tell him she no longer
loves him, let alone that he is the rea-
son. As a parent, she must choose
grown-up language. She could say:
“I love you. I have always loved
you and always will. But I choose
to live among people who accept my
love and give me the appreciation I
deserve. I’ll always be here for you,
if and when you choose to interact
kindly with me.”
Not all mistakes parents make
can be retracted, but this one can.
The process starts when she starts
to speak to her son as a loving par-
ent who is holding him accountable.
— 71-Year-Old Mom
Dear Mom: Fantastic advice.
Thank you for writing.
THE DAILY ASTORIAN • WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 2018
By Holiday Mathis, Creators Syndicate Inc.
ARIES (March 21-April 19). On this emotionally
stretchy day, time feels elastic, too. Forever can
mean lifetimes or seconds. So don’t worry about
how long a thing takes. The flow of doing it ...
that’s what matters.
smile when it rains, while others run for cover.
For you it depends on the day, your mood,
whom you’re with, what you’re wearing ... when
you’re in the moment, there is no one-size-fits-all
response to life’s weather.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20). So many social
constructs are well-meaning traditions that, for
some reason, have lost their purpose, as far
as you’re concerned. They no longer do what
they’re supposed to.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). When the
pressure is on, you stay cool and do the right
thing. But when the pressure is off — that can
be more challenging, because people get used
to high stakes. Creativity will solve it. You have
plenty of that!
GEMINI (May 21-June 21). The small space
between the sleep and the dream holds the
most concentrated stuff of your day. Who or
what inhabits that space right now? There’s
more to be done about this, and you’re ready
to try.
CANCER (June 22-July 22). Comebacks are
stronger than setbacks. You’ll be thinking about a
past defeat. The tides have changed. The scene
is different, and there’s optimism in you, too. If
you try again, much will go right about it.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Your communication
style is an easy thing to love. You listen without
interrupting, speak without accusing, express
without dominating. If everyone were like you,
peace would spread.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You’ll decide what to
do based on who will be there. You’ll think about
how different people highlight different aspects of
your personality. You’ll prioritize the people who
bring out your sense of play.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). All you have to do
is an internet search to know that you are not
alone in your difficulties. Actually, someone in
your immediate circle can relate to your problem
more than you might have guessed. Speak up.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Some people
FRANK AND ERNEST
BLONDIE
THATABABY
SALLY FORTH
PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN
B.C.
LOLA
DILBERT
SIX CHIX
BIZARRO
MUTTS
NON SEQUITUR
BABY BLUES
WIZARD OF ID
ZITS
ROSE IS ROSE
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The biggest
heartbreaker isn’t a person, it’s an expectation.
Good news: Expectations are much easier to
manage than people. Use what you know to get
ahead of potential disappointment and cut it off
at the pass.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). It’s funny how
quickly you forget what you can do, what you’re
good at, what you’ve solved before. It’s a good
reason to write things down. Friends from the
past who can remind you of your greatness are
invaluable.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). There’s the aim —
to retrieve the item, to get the go ahead, to earn
the amount. Then there’s the deeper aim. To live
fully and gracefully and beautifully. It’s the secret
mission inside the mission.
TOMORROW’S BIRTHDAY (April 26). There’s
a happy vibration to your personal life that spills
onto the things you create. You’re building a
life around helping people, but it won’t feel like
that at first. Education is where it starts. You’ll
influence a group, and then the group will
influence you. Two meaningful trips will give you
the opportunity to heal family bonds. Leo and
Pisces adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 8, 30,
33, 17 and 42.