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About The Stayton mail. (Stayton, Marion County, Or.) 1895-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 20, 1913)
PAGE FOUR Fooling the Phagocytes Hidden Lake W ar and Rumors o f War Within the Human Body are Daily Incidents—How we Deceive our Beet Friends Is Big Boon Discovery of Water Underground in Washington County Great Benefit to Whole District E ABE prone to deceive our these fellows too dead to skin in two friends and the Phagocytes or three more battles, and it might be are no exception. The Pha worth while to go below mnd see what’s HE discovery of what appear* gocytes are our best and doing. We can come back any time most intimate lriends sud vet we take aud polish o f f (his gang.hero. ” to lie au immense underground no thought for their pereuuial willing So, o ff rush the Phagocytes, still lake, uuderlyiug the eutire een ness to fight for its our battles and s[»oiling for a fight, happy-gu lucky tral portion o f Grant County, every chance wc get to fool them wo little warriors. They reach the hot re accept with unfailiug enthusiasm. Tho giou and they gird up their loins, hitch Wash., is responsible for the present Phagocytes are the police o f the body, their breeches, spit on their hands—or activity in the Moses Lake diatrict, always ready to club sonic offending do whatever a Phagocyte does when he regarding which mention was uiude iu bacillus over the head aud run him into prepares for the lists. Then they start these columns last week. Land that the lockup. The Phagocytes are the to wade in. Imagine their blank was once considered practically worth standing army o f the body, only they amazement when they find that there do not stand still long at a time, so is nothing into which they ran wade, lesa, because of the lack o f water, is busy are they in putting down insur no foe to fight, no drunk nnd disor uow living reclaimed by the use of rections on the part of germs thought derly bacilli to run in, no anarchistic pumping plauls, which furnish an eco thoroughly naturalized or in repelling demonstration to disperse. Nothiug to nomical means of aupplying water for invasions on the [»art of alien microbes. do at all and a fine rhance to fight irrigation troiu a source which events Let something go wrong and the Pha passed up. So, the Phagocytes staud to be inexhaustible. The result la that gocytes are there in a jiffv , foot, horso arouad with their hands in their [took- barren wastes o f volcanic ash ana and dragoons, putting up a fight that ets for a while and send out scouting sagebrush are giviug way to thriving makes the heroic memory of the Tro expeditions. Still, they find nothing orchards, and alfalfa and gardeu jans pale into cowardly insignificance. and they start back to the battlefield fields o f prolific production. The soil Every day the Phagocytes have their they’ve left so recently, only to find is remarkably fertile and produces rounds to make aud their fights to all the enemy dead and littering the heavily when the acience of irrigation fight, brief, haml to band and eye-to- field. So, we reckon, the Phagocytes it applied. The underground lake which has been eye »ncounters with hostile bacilli, and swallow* their disappoint»nent some somt times there are general alarms aud how, cord up the deceased and start out the means o f this remarkable change fierce, long conflicts with a determined on a humdrum existence of peace. is located in an ancient course o f the The Columbia has enemy. That's when we start in fool That, friends, is what we call fooling Columbia River. performed some strange feats in her the Phagocytes. ing the Phagocytes. There is something human about this day, and this is one of the strangest of Let us say that we have a cold in the head. A lot of hostile bacilli am business o f making false alarms for them all. The lake ia several miles encamped in the sensitive membranes the Phagocytes to answer. A good in exteut and crops out in various up there, having the unlawful time of many of us spend part o f our time places throughout Grant County. These their lives, rioting joyously in the mis fighting for folks who don't appreciate visible portions o f this immense body of ery they are dealing to us. But, they the sacrifices we make or the love w.< water are known as Moses I-ake, Brook have forgotten in their unholy mirth bring to them. We are all o f ns, if 1-ake, Bound Lake, Blaek Rock Lakes the army of the Phagocytes. These in our hearts are clean, o f the spirit o f and Willow Lakes, and they form the trepid organisms need no formal call Don Quixote, after all is said and done. outer rim of an area about 40 miles to battle, no definite declaration of We are like the Phagocytes, useful usu long and 20 miles wide. One settler who lives in the inter war, no official proclamation before ally and sometimes foolish aud in the they cross the border into the territory way. When we are in the way—well, vening country carried his water in o f the enemy. Upstairs they rush, all then there is some sort of a mustard ap barrels for three years, hauling them a plication to call us to other scenes. distance of 16 miles. He never thought hands to breakfast! Soon, there is a fight in progress. There are many human Phagocytes and o f digging a well because the countrv looked so much like a desert that he No, not “ soon.” but immediately. The every day the«« are being fooled. never dreamed o f finding such a thing bacilli o f the cold, base despoilers that as water beneath the surface. But one they are. grapple with the Phagocytes. ■lay he was induced to dig a well, and Why shouldn't they! Even a rat will lie struck an abundant supply o f water fight, once h e’s cornered. The little at 40 feet. This caused a furore. One devils o f the cold must fight or be de stroyed. So. there is a battle that is a The use o f modern methods for lay settler after another begin sinking a battle and the arena— which we are_ ing out frontier lines in the colon wpll, and every time that this was done water was encountered. The re rings and resounds and has trouble ies is well brought out in the work sult is that today the entire country a plenty with consonants and vowels. Then, when the ravages o f war become which is being done in the Congo is dotted with wells, and many pump too much to bear, we start in to fool region. Aceording to a recent treaty, ing plants have been installed, irrigat ing from 10 to 4,000 acres each. the Phagocytes. France ceded a certain amount of ter Discovery o f water caused a rush, Yon see. we know that the Phago ritory in Africa to Germany in ex and practically all available land has cytes are in the blood and blood is change for concessions in Morocco, been taken np under the homestead of what we do not want up there in the desert act. Much of this laud ia now so that this led to expeditions on war district. Rather, we would starve being ¡»laced on the market by com out the enemy. We prefer to wage a the part of both countries in order to panics that have become heavily in Fabian campaign, to make cunctatory fix the boundary lines. Captain Peri- terested in the district, and the eoun war. But the Phagocytes— first-class quut states that wireless telegraphy try is being rapidly developed. Wen fighting men, they—cannot understand will be used for the first time on a atchee capitalists have invested $4,000,- military delay of any sort. They en 000 in the Moses Lake country and are jo y Light-Brigade charges, forlorn large scale so as to determine lati now improving their land by sett ng it hopes, dashing maneuvers, bnt the prin tudes exactly. Wireless stations now out to commercial orchards. The or eiples o f scientific warfare are to them exist in the French possessions, also chards that have already been devel a closed book. No, there's no use in in Cameroon and Belgian Congo, and oped In the Moses Lake district yield reasoning with the Phagocytes. There all these are to be utilized by the as heavily as those o f Wenatchee, it they are, in deadly embrace with the They will carry im ia said, and the fruit produced is bacilli o f the cold, knee-deep in gore expeditions. shipped through the Wenatchee Fruit and impregnated with the lust of proved kites for mounting the an Growers Association. slaughter. They wouldn’t come down tennae wires, also the necessary wire One company, Ilallett Bros., main and quit any more than a bulldog will less posti. For taking the latitude taining offices at 106 Pike St., Seattle, let go as long—aye. and longer—as he has recently published a handsome can know and feel anything. The Pha they use prism astrolabes which give These measure booklet descriptive o f the district, and gocytes are enlisted for the war; they very close results. the Great Northern Railrond is also intend \n fight it out on this line if it ments will be combined with plans drawn up on the spot by the alibade, sending out considerable information takes all summer. regarding it. So, we, for whom the Phagocytes are this latter being used especially for the important points. Once in pos doing yoeman service, fool them. We put on our other end a mustard plas session o f the data, they will draw ter. We put the counter-irritant on up a map o f the frontier region oiwas the calves of our legs and we put our large a scale as possible. Other sci feet in mustard water, sizzling hot. entific work will be done at the same time, which is likely to be valuable, Ouch! IRAM M AXIM , the man who This false alarm is soon received by scch as hydrography, orography, ques invented an instrument that makes the discharge of fire the Phagocytes, engaged in unrelent tions of population, botanical and eth ing, savage, quarterless war 'way np nological research, terrestrial magne arms practically inamlible, has there above the equator. One can tism *and the like. announced that he has a machine with imagine the little soldiers taking coun which be expects to make cities noise sel among themselves: less. “ The device will shed silence as “ Yes, we have a very fine scrap on a lamp sheds light,” he is quoted as our hands here right now and i t ’s get having said. It is stated that tho ting better all the time, but there must Maxim silencer can be placed between be something fierce coming o ff down the source o f noise and the persons a f toward the south. At that, w e ’ll have fected by it and absorb all racket. People who like to sleep late of morn ings may buy one of Maxim’s inven tions and put it in their windows, thus F o r S a le o r T r a d e $1.50 an acre per month buys defying the milk man and the early o n T e r m s t o S u it 10-acre farm, that will make street cars. One o f the most profitable, full bearing • • • you independent for life. apple orchards in the Hood River district. Owner not practical farmer; anxious to dis- Hollow Horn Bear o f South Dakota, Located in Motet Lake Valley, poae: price reasonable; terms to suit; sale or an Indian chief, wants to present east of famoua Wenatchee trade. Property includes 6 acres 17-year-old trees; 8 acres 8-yearoki trees: 16 acres 7-year- Woodrow Wilson with a peace pipe on diatrict. old trees; 6 acres pasture; 20-inch water right. the day o f bis inauguration, as a fea 6 room house, barn, apple house, span of For illuitrated booklet, addresa mules: one 3-year-old mare; one Jersey cow; ture of that ceremonial occasion. If 100 chickens; wagron, hack, bu^gy. gasoline the president-elect will allow Hollow sprayer and inumerable farm implements. Also 21 shares of stock in Hood River Apple Horn Bear to present the pipe, a dele Growers Union. gation of chieftains will journey to Write immediately for terms and particu D ep t. M 1 0 6 P i k e S t. lars. This fs absolutely a snap and a money Washington and will invest tho giving making proposition. with tribal ceremony. S E A T T L E , W ASH. h a r r y M c A l l i s t e r W T speakers should know the Bible, He •ays that men win» s|»cak with telltug force are those "w h o are able to give illustrations from Holy Writ, who are familiar with the stories of Holy Writ and who can tell them to their audi cures. ’ 1 a s s a strike. The eutire towu ia interested Indeinml Is on strike against lha fed eral government. Fit;* several years the Inhabitants have men petitioning for a road through t ie mountains to the nearest Swiss towns, so that It would not be uecessaty, as at present, to cross the frontier Into Italy for pro vlaions, A campaign of passive re sietanee was inaugurated to emphasis« the grievances of tho village. «The towu officials have resigned aud there is none to enforce the laws or to rot lert taxes. No one will become a can didate for offiee. , « s s concealed, la also a felony. The carry- lug o f any firearm, such aa a shotgun or a rifle, in any publlg place by any person not a citizen of tho Uaited States ia also made a felony. • • • To “ Rube” Marquard, famous pitcher fur Now York's team lu tbs National League, none a most humiliating ex- periouco in Spokane tho uther day. Marquard, who ia traveling about the eouutry doing a vnudeville turn, es sayed to catch a baseball thrown from the Old National Bank building. A great crowd watched him and laughed as hn missed two balls, Marquard, made peevish, offered f50 to anybody In the throng who could do the trick. Hie offer was accepted by W. K. Crow foot, a photographer, who caught the first ball thrown. Marquard mads good his promise and disappeared, fo l lowed by the bools of the crowd. « « « In Chicago threq policemen attempted to break up a ball to which they bad beeu denied admittance. The officers, with half a dozen citizens whom they enlisted iu their cause, were ejected from tho hall with much diiuiage, after a not in which shots were fired by tho blucconta. The officers lost their stars, also. The legislature of Nevada baa put s s s the Kenu divorce market out of bust The assembly of Here's a fine rase of freak legisla ness, practically. tiou and it isn't from Oklahoma, either: law makers has [»atsed aa amendment A bill has been introduced in the Mis to the divorce laws making one year’s soiiri legislature prohibiting women residence iu the state eompiilsorjr upon weariug »tresses that button up tho |>erBous wishing to obtain divorces, in bach, unless the buttous be as largo as stead o f six months, the law's p esent It is now considered certain that silver dollars. The bill provides a fine requirement. Business men of Reno Oregon will not have a “ Blue Sunday” of from $1 to #3. with a fine for per objected to the amendment and main law. A bill proposing to close on the tamed a lobby to work against it. sistent offenders. seventh day all amusements, such as « « « • • • theaters and baseball |>arks, has been Patrolman Iloleouib, of San Diego, killed by the state legislature. Tho congregation of a church on • • Long Island is engaged in a war of may lose an arm, aa the result of be words concerning the pronunciation of ing hitteu by a girl. He arresteil her on John A. Hogg, of Vancouver, Wash., “ Jerusalem.” A young lady soloist, a charge of disorderly conduct and she braced himself with a poker, which singing “ The Holy C ity,” made it bit his hand. He paid no attention to he rested against a rook stove, while “ Jer-u-see lum. ” Rev. Charles E. the wound, which has become infected. he turned on an elertrie light. Hie Gregg was shocked at this. Htraight- • • s bend was severely burned by the elec- way, he wrote a letter to tho singer, California may have one of the most trie current. He was held a prisoner upbraiding her for her pronunciation. severe “ gun carrying” laws in the a moment, but broke the connection Ho declared that the syllable “ sa” country, if the bill introduced by As by throwing hie whole weight onto should be pronounced “ s«r” or “ sar.” semblyman Ambrose of Los Angeles lie the light fixture. The congregation took up the question. comes a law. He would mako tho car • • • Dictioraries helped little and i t ’s bo rying o f a concreted pistol a felouy, as Massachusetts socialists defend the ing fought out yet. well as the carrying of a black jack, red flag, their party's emblem, by billy or a pair o f brass knuckles. 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