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About Eugene weekly. (Eugene, Oregon) 1993-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 20, 2012)
kink SAVAGE WINK-KINK.COM WOMEN SEEK ING MEN DARK SECRETS REVEALED EXUBERANT AND CURIOUS I’m 5’4” bob-cut brunette with a penchant for adventure and a great smile. I am in a committed non-monogamous partnership, but hoping to branch out and meet other poly-friendly folks. gewilnian, 25, g BUSTY LOUD MOUTH MEN SEEK ING WOMEN HORNY AND BORED Like constant touch. Want the warmth of hot skin on mine. Mtnfun, 38 WOMEN SEEK ING WOMEN CRAFTY POLY Crafty Poly Couple wanting more feminie play... CraftyGirl, 29, g LOVE THE PUSSY we r man,women looking for a girl for some low key play he in his 50 me in my 30s we both love women ,want to play so complay. Devilgirl187, 35 DOMINATE ALPHA MALE WOMEN SEEK ING ? When faced with a challenge are you resourceful? Do you play fair in your quests? Perhaps you’re not above using coercion? Will you implement control,seduc tion,pain,pleasure...... Your Prize - Is Revealed. Kittens_Secret, 48 I need help finding an attractive kinkster in eugene to sleep with. Into anarchy and equality. Lets drink coffee and fuck like industrial collapse is upon us(excitedly). biteybug, 20, g LOVE Eugene Weekly’s local dating site Looking for a LTR Submissive, Pet, Toy, Student for Masterbation, I specialize in Orgasms, Squirting, for the one who can submit them self and wants a Good man ! MrBig, 49 TEMPTATION, THAT’S ME PLEASE HOLD ME I’m looking for discrete hook ups via web- cams and sexting first till we build up enough interest for our real intense pas- sionate encounter/s. Please be height weight proportionate or under. RazorSun, 32, g Women to have a good time with Love all types but curves and big boobs are for me Touchy/feely with a big heart Email me for more information or play. 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Qwerty, 36 REAWAKENED ANIMAL Celibate for the longest time.I like it rough.I want to slam you against a wall,hear you moan as I put my face in your vajayjay. Iwant to do alotofthings butyet I’mbehindacomputerscreen. EO_SF, 23, g Frances waxing specialist FANTASY FULFILLER I am an open person who’s main purpose is to fulfill any and all fantasies for myself and for others, and not necessarily in that order. Amon, 24, g $PPQFS 541-510-5773 % & 4 * ( / 1 ) 0 5 0 ( 3 " 1 ) : there’s nothing I can’t wax FNBJMUPEE!FVHFOFXFFLMZDPN barebodywaxingstudio.com NUDE NO COVER This is a touchy and gross subject. I am a 17-year-old girl growing up in an adoptive family in Australia. I was sexually abused by my birth family, and I think it really fucked up my sexuality. The only thing that gets me off is the idea of people absolutely destroying their lives for an orgasm. I started with mild S&M stories and then moved on to grosser stuff like murder (stories and online images), pedo (stories only), and lately I’ve been thinking about my (adoptive) parents. The thing is, it doesn’t have to be a particular category. As long as it’s the most vile thing I can think of, it will get me off. There isn’t a pattern as far as gender, age, or relationship to the people I am fantasizing about; it just has to be hor- rible, the kind of thing that would destroy you in real life. These fantasies alone are scary enough, but because they are literally the only things that get me off, I can’t even really tell if I’m attracted to boys or girls or none of the above. I’m scared to talk to a counselor about this because I don’t want to freak my parents out. I mean, I’ve got my quirks, but overall I seem like a pretty healthy kid, and I try not to worry them. I don’t expect you to solve this problem via your column, but do you have any ideas for how I could get help with this without messing up my family? Not Over Painful Experiences Sane people can have extreme and/or violent sexual fantasies, NOPE, and extreme and/or violent sexual fantasies do not make sane people crazy. (Let’s call them EVSFs for short, shall we?) But you need to talk to a shrink — not because you’re hopelessly damaged or the only per- son out there with EVSFs, but because you’re troubled by your fantasies. And that’s under- standable. It’s diffi cult to have EVSFs — or to fi nd a healthy way to incorporate EVSFs into your sex life, or to fi gure out how to dial EVSFs way the fuck back if there’s no healthy way to incorporate them into your sex life — when your erotic imagination is constantly dragging you to new and more disturbing places. And while most people’s fantasies are relatively fi xed, i.e., certain types of people or scenarios turn them on, your erotic imagination seems to be on the hunt for new “wrong” thoughts, images, stimuli, and scenarios. You need to seize control of your sexuality, and you’ll need help doing that, or your sense of estrangement from your sexuality will only continue to grow. That said, NOPE, you could be seeing causation where there is only coincidence. There are a lot of people out there who didn’t suffer the kind of abuse you did — or any kind of abuse at all — but who nevertheless have EVSFs. Some people with troubling fantasies or interests have found relief with low-dose antidepressants; some folks with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) have been helped by novel programs that incorporate MDMA, aka ecstasy, into their treatment plans. You could be suffering from PTSD, considering your history. A good therapist — one with whom you are completely honest — may be able to help you reshape and redirect your fantasies in the direction of still-intense, less-wrong, not-constant- ly-escalating stimuli that gives you the “wrongness” charge you need without nuking your mental health or your life. (Stay away from all pedo porn sites, NOPE, even “stories only” porn. Please.) And a good sex therapist can help you draw a clear distinction between your adult sexuality — whatever form it takes — and your history of sexual abuse. (I shared your letter with a sex researcher I trust, and she urged me to urge you to insist on seeing a reputable ther- apist who does sex therapy specifi cally, as they’re less likely to be sex-negative and there- fore less likely to react with prudish or panicked judgments when you disclose your EVSFs.) Considering the abuse you suffered at the hands of your family of origin, NOPE, I trust that your adoptive parents are aware that you may need professional help throughout your life and that your asking for help is a good sign about (1) you as a person and (2) them as parents. At your very fi rst appointment, ask your shrink to confi rm that your sessions are confi den- tial. If for some reason your shrink tells you he or she can’t offer you complete confi dentiality (which they can and, in most places, are required to do by law, unless you’re a danger to your- self or others), thank the nice shrink for his or her time and ask your parents to make you an appointment to see a different shrink. Please get help — not because you are or may be kinky, NOPE, but because you’re struggling with doubt, you’re confused about your sexual orientation, and you’re rightly worried about the way your erotic imagination keeps upping the “wrongness” ante. And remember: Not all counselors or shrinks are created equal. If you don’t like or click with the fi rst one you see, tell your parents you want to see someone else. PSDBMM SATISFY YOUR FANTASIES! HOURS DAILY NOON TO 2:15 AM W O R D S O F W I S D O M BY DA N S AVAG E DANCER AUDITIONS CALL 541-517-7196 MON/WED $15 TABLE DANCES NO COVER 1836 S. A Street • Springfield • 541-762-1503 20% OFF & 20% OFF FUN FACTORY DONA BEAUTY PRODUCTS like us on Facebook & follow us on Twitter for in-store specials! I am gay and I have a brother who’s gay. The problem is, he is very much into humiliation. He exposes himself online and allows his online “masters” to have control over his pic- tures and videos. I found his pictures recently, and the embarrassment and humiliation were a huge turn-on for him. (In real life, we’ve never shown any interest sexually in each other whatsoever. But when he asked if I had any naked pictures, I told him I did and sent some to him, and somehow that was a bit of a turn-on, I must admit.) On to the real prob- lem: Soon, my brother told me that he felt really guilty, cleaned up his hard drive, deleted all his pics and mine and asked me to do the same, and swore off playing online. But I found evidence that he’s resumed this habit. This has been a pattern for him, he says, and he in- sists he was somehow damaged in childhood. I told him I see him as my kinky brother and that he might be happier if he could just accept himself. But I don’t think he should quit his “addiction” cold turkey, as it hasn’t worked in the past. Bro Of Kinky Bro There are people who manage to turn their lives upside down in pursuit of their turn-ons — there are people whose sex lives are complete fucking shitshows — and all they’re into is heterosexual sex in the missionary position in their own bedrooms with the lights off. Your brother’s problem isn’t his childhood or his kink. His problems, plural, are his self-loathing, his attempts to swear off his kink (which leads to these binge-and-purge cycles), and the reck- less ways he indulges his kink when he’s bingeing. Instead of running from his kinks — which he can’t do — your brother needs to fi nd safer, saner ways to satisfy his desire for erotic humiliation and submitting to someone else’s con- trol. People with humiliation kinks managed to fi nd ways to get off before the internet came along, BOKB, and so can your brother. And you need to establish better boundaries, BOKB. No more swapping pics with your kinky bro, bro, and no more hunting for evidence of your bro’s ill-advised online adventures. 290 River Rd | 86784 Franklin Blvd | 720 Garfi eld www.e-adultshop.com - 541.636.3203 FIND THE SAVAGE LOVECAST ʬMY WEEKLY PODCASTʭ EVERY TUESDAY AT THESTRANGER.COM/SAVAGE eugeneweekly.com • December 20, 2012 39
