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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 2014)
street roots 5 April 1, 2014 Woman mistaken that 2013 was her year to run SK to Ellen Myers of Beaverton announced Wednesday that, contrary to what she had-told her coworkers, 2013 was apparently not the year she was to run a 5K. "I was mistaken," said Myers, visibly shaken, in front of her office mates. "You've probably noticed by now, it didn't happen." The 48-year-dld said she regretted announcing last January that she was going to change her outlook on life and turn over a new leaf. By March,- Myers said she was optimistic that her workout schedule would kick into gear when the weather warmed up. She reaffirmed her belief mid-summer; With the new year behind her, however, Myers said that she had been wronq about the 5K. In tears, Myers said she had dropped her gym membership ' months aqo but had kept it a secret but of shame "To tell you the truth, I hid forgotten about the 5K," said a coworker who didn't want his name • used. "But I'm going to think twice about trusting anything she says from now on." New Seasons workers using performance-enhancing drugs Ever wonder why workers at New Seasons grocery stores seem so happy? A private investigation by the Food and Drug Administration has revealed new and shocking details. The answer, investigators say, may surprise you. Employees at New Seasons have admitted that the reason they're so h'appy is performance enhancing drugs?- An internal memo obtained by a citizen journalist at a local food; blog revealed that New Seasons workers are encouraged to take ecstasy prior to every; shift. "It's not uncommon that a group of us will drink_ organic fruit smoothies and popa bunch of pills before each shift," said one worker smiling from e a r* to ear. "i Jove this place." Excited," was regularly playing in the break room. "That and 'Get Lucky."' New Seasons was recently rated the most, enjoyable shopping experiences in the Portland Metro area by local food and beverage magazine. "Purchasing fruits and vegetables at New Seasons is like being at a rave," said one customer with yellow socks and a cutoff T-shirt. "I feel like busting out in song and dance right then and there! I love my avocados!" New Seasons management declined to comment, saying only, :"We believe incustomer service and • supporting our workers. We're up all night for good fun. We're up all night to get lucky." Downtown Apple employees mob customer A man is seeking restitution claiming to have been mobbed by local Apple employees after a recent visit to the downtown Portland Apple store. "I went to buy my twelfth charger this year for my laptop, and was swarmed by up to 20 employees asking me if I had been helped," says Danny Doolittle. "It's bad enough that I have to pay for a charger every three months because they stop working. I didn't expect-to be attacked by a gang of perfectly disheveled nerds." Doolittle says the employees were mulling about whenr he walked in„the doors and was immediatejy. tackled by 20-something hipsters seeking human connection from anyone outside of the store. "It was awful." A spokesperson for Apple confirmed that 426 people worked at the downtown Portland location. "We believe in giving people real customer. . experience from every,possible angle." Missed an issue? Catch up on all the great conversations at news.streetroots.org Suburban transplants sympathize with race, economic tensions 20-something white mom of three, speaking at a recent school-board meeting, said she understands the frustrations that the African-American community must feel. “I recently bought a home withmy husband in the Alberta District,” the woman told the group. “Moving from upstate New York I was personally shocked by the amount of gentrification taking place. It’s why I’m choosing to send ray kids to private schools. I don’t think I could bear being a part of the problem.” Another transplant from New Hope, Penn;, said that he was also shocked at how white Portland is and remembers seeing a lot more black people in urban environments when he was a kid. “I realize my privilege allows me to think about race and class in a different way, but frankly, I expect more of Portland.” The group of transplanted parents say they are calling on several principals to step down over performance issues. “It’s - just a coincidence that all of the principals happen to be people of color.?’ schools in Portland.” The parents say that just because.their A 30-something white woman from particular coalition was all white is beside Madison, Wis., told an African-American the point. “We’re liberals,” said one woman after the meeting, “I get your mother of three who moved here from a frustration, but this is a different 'suburb of St. Paul, Minn. “We believe in situation.” equality. We just want to see better A white man, who along with his wife « e reluctantly admitted to being a part of the coalition, said “I would be upset too, if I were black, but Portland isn’t the south. We care about this community a great deal, but we also care about our kid’s future. We’re not-racist. We voted for Obama. We get it.” Man arrested after clearing bar with N irvana sto rie s /I v e ^ 'lm im aT C rln n ^ n g m a n in his 1 Z-A J^ ^ ^ 2 g jy h o ..g q e s by th e ^ ria m T ^ ■X-^naSist? 'w a s :a S e ^ tt!aLLter1cl’^a*rmg out a local bar with Nirvana stories. One witness said the man started screaming at patrons repeatedly about how he was one of the first to party with Kurt Cobain and the other members of Nirvana. The police report said that Chains went from table toHable yelling, “I was there man. I was there. You had to be there to understand the, emotion, I washed myself in Kurt Cobain’s sweat. I lived i t ” The report also noted that Chains screamed at a very frightened woman visiting from Toledo, Ohio. “Do you remember the Satyricon? Of course you don’t. You weren’t even born yet! The Dharma Bums! Mudhoney! The Screaming Trees! What do you have? Nothipg. Nothing! CAT VIDEO, from page 9 recipe includes lungs and windpipes and other things that don’t tend to appear in cut out ‘n’ keep recipe cards. Ingredients: 1 sheep’s pluck, i.e. the . animals heart, liver, and lights (lungs), Cold water. 1 sheep’s stomach (empty)’, lib lightly toasted pinhead oatmeal (medium or coarse oatmeal). 1-2 tablespoons salt. 1 level tablespoon freshly ground black pepper. 1 tablespoon freshly ground allspice. 1 level tablespoon of mixed herbs. 8oz finely chopped suet. 4 large onions, finely chopped, (lemon juice (or a good vinegar) is sometimes added as well as other ~ flavourings such as cayenne pepper) Directions: Wash the stomach in cold water until it is thoroughly clean and then soak it in cold salted water for about 8-10 hours. 1 Place the pluck in a large pot and cover with cold water. The windpipe ought to be hung over the side of the pot with a container beneath it in order to collect any drips. Gently simmer the pluck for approximately 2 hours or until it is tender and then leave the pluck to cool. 1 Finely chop or mince the pluck meat and then mix it with the oatmeal. » I was there man.” By tK ytim e the bartender called the police, Chains was on top of a table thrashing his head back and forth screaming> “Cooooourtney! Cooooourtney! I fucking love you, Courtney! J ’m here for you, girl!” About 20 patrons slowly moved towards the,door, the report,says, when Chains starting yelling and thrashing again after a* brief lull. “What are you afraid of, Kurt Cobain? Art? I was there.. Me, Jimmy and Spike were there. If Spike were here, he would tell you. Nirvana forever. We livediX., man! You ain’t shit.” Chains was booked at Multnomah County jail for disturbing the peace and not being able to let go of the ’90s. He was released the next morning. * He said he wuved her Puddin' Pop had wanted to start a family eventually, just not at age 2. Spay and neuter your pets. Because they won't do it themselves.
