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About Street roots. (Portland, OR) 1998-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 2014)
4 street roots Business reps consulting China over free speech laws Representatives from the Portland Business 1 Confederation say that Portland should look to China to deal with free speech laws in public spaces. "While we appreciate the idea of free speech and what it represents in our country's history, times have changed," says one suburban businessman who " believes homeless people and free speech advocates are scaring away other suburbanites fromtowntown Portland. "You don't see homeless people or beggars in downtown business districts when you travel toz China," says a spokesperson for the hotel industry. "They just don't exist. '' Currently, strict laws in China prohibit anyone at anytime from panhandling, gathering or voicing his or her opinion in public or private spaces. Punishment includes flogging and hard labor. Repeat offenders are unheard from— forever. Representatives say that it's a new era in America - and in order to attract new business and compete in a global economy, some people (certainly not the homeless) don't need to be in the way. - "Frankly, I blame City Hall for not evolving and, in fact, stymying business in Portland," says another businesswoman. "A year or two of hard labor would be good for the Road Warriors, who I think would appreciate the opportunity to work for us." Water movement turns dirty Water activists from Portland are hoping to obtain, 50,000 signatures for a November ballot measure called, "Earth Water Portland." The group is advocating for the community's right to access waterborne diseases caused by pathogenic microorganisms. "The^reality is that there is a war on water in ,' Portland," said a part-lime neighborhood activist named Feather. "We're opposed to any kind of chemicals in-our water supply." . "We believe Portland residents stand in solidarity with our comrades in third world countries," said anotherJull^me unpaid .activist and intern, " We n a w e v ^ ry n g n n o n a v e a rc ^ ^ JJ Typhoid fever. How are we any better than anyone else? We're not.'! , The group said that if they are successful^ breaking up the water monopoly currently owned by the City of Portland and taxpayers, that crazy-ass left- and right-wing conspiracy theorists could.take over the water bureau by January. "We're tired of junk science," said one mom. "I wantmy children to be safe and insulated from* . government water." A spokesman for the group says that on the heels of the anti-flouride campaign, it's just a matter of time before we are able'to restrict any chemicals from being used. The backers of the measure say if they are successful, they hope to return in 2016 with a campaign to end vaccinations. 4 Lord Charlie Hales and Water Dictator Nick Fish were seen screaming in the mirror at themselves. I shortly after hearing the news of the new ballot . measure. State of Metro raises fam iliar question among diehard fans Metro Council President Tom Hughes gave the State of Metro address before a small but confused audience March 17. In his speech, Hughes outlined the work Metro has done tnis past year and hopes to accomplish looking forward. At the conclusion of His 45-minute presentation, Hughes opened the floor to questions. ; "What exactly does Metro do?" asked Sarah Milton, who said she attends the address every year with her husband, Charles. "I know Tom talked about it, but I can never remember." The other two people in the audience, Steve and Sueflen Winchell, were equally perplexed. I "I'm not saying it's not important, but boy if this stuff doesn't just whiz in one ear and out the other," Steve Winched said. "For the life of me, it just doesn't stick." • The five of them left together, with Hughes pledging to help the region better understand the far-reaching powers wielded by his regional and largely unchecked layer of government. "I know my job is important/' Hughes told himseltashf walked oufrthe door. "Fortunately people don't need to understand government to support it." St. Louis, Mo., which recently banned daytime cityscape photography to prevent people from documenting its homeless population, is one o f many cities across the co u n tryta kin g a bite out of Portland’s destitution destination status. When a home is no object, what city do you choose? A new rep o rt put out by a hobo consum er group in Austin says that X JLPortland is "no longer the m ost traveled to destination for train hoppers and hom eless punks. “Frankly, Portland has losjt its edge this year,” said a heavily tatooed man in a Black Flag T-shirt. “We might see;a big rebound - this sum m er th ough. It all depends on ...___ which way the wind blows.” r. • • j After battling nearly 10 years with San Francisco and Seattle for the title of best.^ travel destination, dirty hippies and abused runaways are apparently appearing in other A merican( cities too. l One downtown business owner told Street Roots that he. doesn’t believe it. “They’re everywhere, like locust swarming. I see them in my dreams, just sitting there on the sidewalk, begging and singing Pete Seeger songs with their pathetic looking devil dogs.” 1 ! The report says that while Portland, San known.,for,,.,,, attracting heathens in mass, hom elessness among young people is skyrocketing in -places like San Diego, Austin, Boulder, Denver, Madison, St. Louis, New Orleans, Chicago, Nashville, Boston and o ther cities with train yards and Greyhound bus stations. The National Chamber of Commerce issued a statem ent saying that the cities highlighted in the rep o rt w ere all liberal — democratic even. ' ■ A cham ber spokesperson said that a fhore aggressive catch-and-release approach was needed, “We need to start putting_____ "Soo'GyTraps'oii^i^siSewalSsTi'catcPrTties^ kids.” The hobo report also noted that kids from the West Coast were m ore likely to prefer vegan foods at locabsoup kitchens than their E astern counterparts; g Mayor declares new project a success ortland Mayor Charlie Hales has announced the completion of a new project benefiting Portlanders that hasn’t even been identified yet. , “I’ve listened to everyone involved,” Hales said, from a hotel room in the Himalayas. “And I’m confident in saying, this will be a boon to th e poeple of Portland.”, j ? I Details on what the mayor is çalling, “The Project,” are expected to be unveiled sometime in the future after community activists and City ,Council members weigh-in. “The one thing we want to highlight is how great the communication inside City Hall has been on the project,” Hales spokesperson said. “We really feel like after reshuffling all of the bureaus, that more than ever, Ù commissioners understand their roles.” A unrecognizable staffer from the mayor’s office told a group of neighborhood activists earlier in the day that he couldn’t give ; specifics on the issue. “No, really. I don’t > know anything about it. I’m just hère to listen.” The staffer told the group that depending on which way the mayorwanted to go bn the project, the public would know the details soon. “The public will have the opportunity to weigh in oh the project after the mayor returns from a conference in India, where he’s learning about the benefits of running a city from remote locations,” says a / spokesperson for the mayor. COUNCIL OF BOOM! R A paper that only delivers fo u r times a week, now that's mediocre. You w ant to question our commitment to jobs? Seriously?" -STEVE NOVICE Saltz man + Fish + Hales +Fritz +Novick Watch the award w inning C o u n c il o f B oom ! every Wednesday 9:30a.m. and again a t 2p.m. on City Net Live 30! and a t www.portldnd.gov
