4
street roots
Business reps consulting China
over free speech laws
Representatives from the Portland Business 1
Confederation say that Portland should look to China
to deal with free speech laws in public spaces.
"While we appreciate the idea of free speech and
what it represents in our country's history, times have
changed," says one suburban businessman who "
believes homeless people and free speech advocates
are scaring away other suburbanites fromtowntown
Portland.
"You don't see homeless people or beggars in
downtown business districts when you travel toz
China," says a spokesperson for the hotel industry.
"They just don't exist. ''
Currently, strict laws in China prohibit anyone at
anytime from panhandling, gathering or voicing his
or her opinion in public or private spaces. Punishment
includes flogging and hard labor. Repeat offenders
are unheard from— forever.
Representatives say that it's a new era in America -
and in order to attract new business and compete in
a global economy, some people (certainly not the
homeless) don't need to be in the way. -
"Frankly, I blame City Hall for not evolving and, in
fact, stymying business in Portland," says another
businesswoman. "A year or two of hard labor would
be good for the Road Warriors, who I think would
appreciate the opportunity to work for us."
Water movement turns dirty
Water activists from Portland are hoping to obtain,
50,000 signatures for a November ballot measure
called, "Earth Water Portland."
The group is advocating for the community's right
to access waterborne diseases caused by pathogenic
microorganisms.
"The^reality is that there is a war on water in ,'
Portland," said a part-lime neighborhood activist
named Feather. "We're opposed to any kind of
chemicals in-our water supply." .
"We believe Portland residents stand in solidarity
with our comrades in third world countries," said
anotherJull^me unpaid .activist and intern, " We
n a w e v ^ ry n g n n o n a v e a rc ^ ^
JJ
Typhoid fever. How are we any better than anyone
else? We're not.'!
,
The group said that if they are successful^
breaking up the water monopoly currently owned by
the City of Portland and taxpayers, that crazy-ass left-
and right-wing conspiracy theorists could.take over
the water bureau by January.
"We're tired of junk science," said one mom. "I
wantmy children to be safe and insulated from* .
government water."
A spokesman for the group says that on the heels
of the anti-flouride campaign, it's just a matter of
time before we are able'to restrict any chemicals
from being used. The backers of the measure say if
they are successful, they hope to return in 2016 with
a campaign to end vaccinations.
4 Lord Charlie Hales and Water Dictator Nick Fish
were seen screaming in the mirror at themselves. I
shortly after hearing the news of the new ballot .
measure.
State of Metro raises fam iliar
question among diehard fans
Metro Council President Tom Hughes gave the
State of Metro address before a small but confused
audience March 17. In his speech, Hughes outlined
the work Metro has done tnis past year and hopes to
accomplish looking forward.
At the conclusion of His 45-minute presentation,
Hughes opened the floor to questions. ;
"What exactly does Metro do?" asked Sarah
Milton, who said she attends the address every year
with her husband, Charles. "I know Tom talked
about it, but I can never remember."
The other two people in the audience, Steve and
Sueflen Winchell, were equally perplexed.
I "I'm not saying it's not important, but boy if this
stuff doesn't just whiz in one ear and out the other,"
Steve Winched said. "For the life of me, it just doesn't
stick." •
The five of them left together, with Hughes
pledging to help the region better understand the
far-reaching powers wielded by his regional and
largely unchecked layer of government.
"I know my job is important/' Hughes told
himseltashf walked oufrthe door. "Fortunately
people don't need to understand government to
support it."
St. Louis, Mo., which recently banned daytime cityscape photography to prevent people from documenting its homeless population, is one o f
many cities across the co u n tryta kin g a bite out of Portland’s destitution destination status.
When a home is no object, what city do you choose?
A
new rep o rt put out by a hobo
consum er group in Austin says that
X JLPortland is "no longer the m ost
traveled to destination for train hoppers
and hom eless punks.
“Frankly, Portland has losjt its edge this
year,” said a heavily tatooed man in a Black
Flag T-shirt. “We might see;a big rebound -
this sum m er th ough. It all depends on ...___
which way the wind blows.” r. • •
j After battling nearly 10 years with San
Francisco and Seattle for the title of best.^
travel destination, dirty hippies and abused
runaways are apparently appearing in other
A merican( cities too.
l One downtown business owner told
Street Roots that he. doesn’t believe it.
“They’re everywhere, like locust swarming.
I see them in my dreams, just sitting there
on the sidewalk, begging and singing Pete
Seeger songs with their pathetic looking
devil dogs.” 1 !
The report says that while Portland, San
known.,for,,.,,,
attracting heathens in mass, hom elessness
among young people is skyrocketing in
-places like San Diego, Austin, Boulder,
Denver, Madison, St. Louis, New Orleans,
Chicago, Nashville, Boston and o ther cities
with train yards and Greyhound bus
stations.
The National Chamber of Commerce
issued a statem ent saying that the cities
highlighted in the rep o rt w ere all liberal —
democratic even. '
■ A cham ber spokesperson said that a
fhore aggressive catch-and-release approach
was needed, “We need to start putting_____
"Soo'GyTraps'oii^i^siSewalSsTi'catcPrTties^
kids.”
The hobo report also noted that kids
from the West Coast were m ore likely to
prefer vegan foods at locabsoup kitchens
than their E astern counterparts; g
Mayor declares new
project a success
ortland Mayor Charlie Hales has
announced the completion of a new
project benefiting Portlanders that
hasn’t even been identified yet. ,
“I’ve listened to everyone involved,” Hales
said, from a hotel room in the Himalayas.
“And I’m confident in
saying, this will be a
boon to th e poeple of
Portland.”, j ?
I Details on what the
mayor is çalling, “The
Project,” are expected
to be unveiled
sometime in the
future after
community activists
and City ,Council
members weigh-in.
“The one thing we want to highlight is how
great the communication inside City Hall has
been on the project,” Hales spokesperson
said. “We really feel like after reshuffling all
of the bureaus, that more than ever, Ù
commissioners understand their roles.”
A unrecognizable staffer from the mayor’s
office told a group of neighborhood activists
earlier in the day that he couldn’t give ;
specifics on the issue. “No, really. I don’t >
know anything about it. I’m just hère to
listen.”
The staffer told the group that depending
on which way the mayorwanted to go bn the
project, the public would know the details
soon.
“The public will have the opportunity to
weigh in oh the project after the mayor
returns from a conference in India, where
he’s learning about the benefits of running a
city from remote locations,” says a /
spokesperson for the mayor.
COUNCIL OF BOOM!
R
A paper that only delivers fo u r
times a week, now that's mediocre.
You w ant to question our
commitment to jobs? Seriously?"
-STEVE NOVICE
Saltz man + Fish + Hales +Fritz +Novick
Watch the award w inning C o u n c il o f B oom ! every Wednesday 9:30a.m.
and again a t 2p.m. on City Net Live 30! and a t www.portldnd.gov