Image provided by: Clackamas Community College; Oregon City, OR
About The Clackamas print. (Oregon City, Oregon) 1989-2019 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 5, 2000)
Look for CWH predictions for Y3K in our next issue! Styrofoam banned in the U.S. for the year 2000 SANDY LUPO Copy Editor Dateline Wed. Dec. 1, Salem Emergency legislation to ban styrofoam and plastic wrap from all Oregon schools was approved overwhelmingly Fri day when legislators preparing to return home for the holidays were called back to their sen ate and house seats. There was no debate, in light of the Food and Drug Admin istration (FDA) report distrib uted Thursday evening to all members of the congress, clas sifying material used to manu facture these products “toxic when exposed to over long pe riods of time.” John Keyser, college presi dent, said, “This is no cause for panic. We’re grateful a po tential hazard has been discov ered in items we can easily dis pose of; the state is funding the removal, and we will be fin ished with the work and the campus will be perfectly safe for students returning in Janu ary. dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane The order allows state col (DDT), a fatal nerve poison leges to enlist Oregon Na banned in the US by President tional Guard soldiers living in Nixon in 1973. This is the first their district for the removal recorded finding of DDT since duty on campus and allows the the Department of Environmen biology and environmental tal Quality (DEQ) classified the students to volunteer, wearing chemical “eradicated” in America in special, protective 1983, after 50 clothing. years of its College-age stu use in this dents have used country as a these materials for We are now so pesticide and up to 20 years, and cure for such are the advanced in diseases as legislature’s first science that our yellow fever priority, with cam and malaria. puses across the detection of tox Last state ordered to ins is much week the toxin clear out the non- was discov biodegradable sooner. ered in plastic goods over the wrap (origi holidays and to Dan Lundy nally called notify every en Advisor to Clackamas' “Saran Wrap” rolled student not environmental quality dept. by its inven to come back Jan. tor Sarah 3 without a Warp) which doctor’s certifi is used to wrap food being cate of good health. Next to college students, the saved; and the floppy and firm elderly and ill are at greatest styrofoam cups used for drink risk from the chemical ing everything, and found at Holly Haven / new political science Instructor every campus water fountain. James Gould, newly con firmed president of the school Associated Student Govern ment (ASG), reminded students calling him over the weekend that Oregon college students are the healthiest and most fit population in the country, raised with clean air and water and reverence for nature and exercise. “We will calmly gather the facts and take appropriate steps to eliminate any danger,” he said. “Be cool.” Gould, who replaced the ousted elected ASG president Jennifer Rankin, is moving to Wyoming over the holiday break and plans to complete his Bachelor of Science degree at the University of Wyoming at Laramie within three years. “I’ll miss my ASG team and the campus,” he said. The Salem legislators or dered the state printing office to stay open 24 hours a day until every Oregon school, be ginning with the colleges, has received the emergency order Antichrist visits campus MANDY GOOD Staff Writer Say hello to our Page 5 Girl!! This buxom blonde is the recently hired political science instructor on campus. Holly Haven earned her degree from the University of Arkansas in 1996 and spent the past three years working in South Africa. Holly keeps her 34C-24-34 physique sleek and toned by doing underwater aerobics three times a week. and compliance is underway. The federal congress passed nearly identical emergency leg islation in Washington Mon day and ordered the Depart ment of Education and the Haz ardous Waste Agency to begin work immediately. President Clinton thanked the congress fortheir immediate action and told the country the US envi ronmental emergency response system is the most admired in the world and has this crisis well un der control. Dan Lundy, advisor to Clacka mas’ environmental quality de partment, reassured, “We are now so advanced in science that our detection of toxins is much sooner, and anti-toxins far more effective and available. In the next few months we’ll probably have one in injection form, like penicillin, and it won’t only cure, it will prevent. “ We are making progress clean ing up our planet now that we have the force of government with us— just like discrimination legislation brought about true equal rights in America, finally, by the year 2001.” Suspicion of the Antichrist on campus was confirmed Monday with the apprehension of Nash Larey, who was an active member of the Campus Crusade for Christ student club. The day will now be remem bered throughout the world as the Day of the Devil and for the Span ish Dia de la Devil. The Antichrist targeted the campus before the rest of the world in order to take the minds of the young away from eternal salvation. “My mission is not over, I will be your Messiah and you will fol low me and believe in the ways that 1 believe,” said Larey during his apprehension. Larey and many other members of the Campus Crusade for Christ have been spreading the false word of God throughout the cam pus. There is suspicion this oc cult group may now be planning to branch out to other college cam puses. Antichrist Larey is posi tive he has taught his followers enough to minister to others. “My people are among all of you, how do you know that what you have been taught is the truth? Maybe you have been taught the ways of my people,” said Larry as he laughed his way into the police car. Counseling and evaluations will be available in the Help Center for anyone who may have come in contact with the Antichrist. “ If you have the slightest wor ries that you may have been nega tively influenced, or given informa tion that has put you in a lose-lose situation, don’t hesitate to reach out to the Help Center for assis tance,” said John Keyser, college president. There are no fees for the coun seling or evaluation offered in the Help Center. Assistance will be available through the entire tribu lation. “ Be cautious of the people you trust, there are many people out there on our campus who are spreading false information and dooming the students of Clacka mas,” said Keyser. THE CLACKAMAS WORLD NEWS The student newspaper of Planet Clackamas TI he P r I nt sucks Turn-Ons: Barbeque sauce and Stonehenge Turn-Offs: Cork board and retreads CLACKAMAi WOULD HEWi JANUARY 5, 2000
