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About Vernonia's voice. (Vernonia, OR) 2007-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 18, 2016)
8 in other words february18 2016 Better Parenting: By Sonia Spackman MA, MFT The quote in the headline is from a frustrated parent, expressing the feelings of many parents these days. More parents and teachers are frustrated and confused about the way angry, dis- ruptive, and disrespectful kids are act- ing out. They bully other kids and easily take out their anger on their peers. Get- ting control of this problem is very dif- ficult. For example, a child who acts out may be expressing other emotions 291 A Street call Kim Lovable service at a reasonable price • Bathing • Haircuts • Nail Clipping • Nail Polishing • Specialty Shampoos “Why is My Child So Angry and How Do I Deal With it?” through anger. A youngster may be ex- make it better. Your job is to prove that instead of yelling or screaming at me.” periencing a loss, a divorce or a move you understand. Parents Can Make It Worse they can’t talk about. The child may be “It sounds like you get mad Parents who do not treat their trying to let the world know that his/her when I ask you if it is time to do your kids with respect send a message that life is not what it ought to be. Regardless chores. Thank you for sharing that with says, “You are not worth it.” These par- of the reason, it looks the same as a child me. I’ll remember that. And if you think ents more than likely yell and swear a lot that has mental health issues. of a better way for me to remind you, let at their kids. This teaches the kid to yell But how can we deal with this me know.” and scream back while the parents react anger without a psychologist? With kids that don’t do their by getting angrier. It’s a vicious cycle A Parent’s Job is to Understand, Not to chores, don’t respect other’s property, that breeds constant anger in the child. Fix Things. swear, or steal you may try the follow- In place of anger, parents should Listening for understanding is ing: work on listening to their children in a impossible when a child is “drunk” on 1. Name the behavior, swearing kind, honest and open manner. anger. Never try to reason with an angry 2. Tell why the behavior is unacceptable Most children will talk openly child. Instead say, “It sounds like you’re …”swearing is vulgar, and it is against only after they truly believe their mom, really mad. I want to listen and under- our family rules, and the rules at school dad or caregiver are interested in what stand. And I will listen when your voice and church. they have to say and understand their is as calm as mine. Come feelings. back then.” If the child When Anger Continues Never reason with an angry child. won’t leave, you leave. Use empathy and understanding instead. If, despite your best efforts to Be prepared to re- understand your child’s anger, peat your statement calmly there isn’t a change in behavior if the child is continuing to yell out the 3. Ask your child to describe the more after three months, parents should seek anger without leaving, say, “Don’t wor- acceptable behavior that might work for professional counseling for their child. ry about it now. We’ll talk when you’re them that they might try instead. In some instances severe anger is best calm.” You may need to say this several Another strategy that may help helped by a professional. times. Be prepared to play “broken re- parents is the “I” Message. It will work Dealing with angry children is cord” with “What did I say?” Use these with some children. For example: hard. We can get worn down and ex- phrases. Trying to reason will only fuel 1. WHEN, (share in one sentence what hausted. But they will never handle their the anger. happened without blaming anyone.) anger better than we do. Remember, they “Thanks for Sharing That” “When someone yells at me…” will grow up and be gone sooner than Once the child is able to discuss 2. I FEEL (use one word) “I feel you think. We need to equip them for the anger, listen without reasoning. Try scared”… their future now. to avoid telling the child why he/she 3. BECAUSE (describe why you felt Feel free to contact me if you should not be angry. Avoid telling them scared in one sentence)… “because we have parenting questions or would like a that things will be okay and how to might get in a fight….” column on something else you are inter- 4. WHAT I NEED/WANT FROM YOU ested in. soniaspackman@msn.com IS, (state in one or two short sentences) References, Cline/Fay Institute, Inc., “What I need from you is to talk to me Parenting Skills Homework Planner, about what is making you so angry…. Sarah Edison Knapp Need more room? See us for the lowest prices GUARANTEED! Debit/Credit now accepted 5x10 $39 10x10 $69 10x20 $99 RV Storage $149 In Memory of: Outside storage available Totally fenced and gated Padlocks available 58605 Nehalem Hwy South • P.O. Box 292 Vernonia, Oregon 97064 (503) 429-7867 Throughout the holiday season many contributions were made to our community out of the generosity in the hearts of others. Vernonia Cares Food Bank would like to recognize the loved ones of our generous friends who made donations as part of our “Caring Tree” project. 10-5 Tue-Sat 12-4 Sun Columbia Humane Society Featured Pet Chloe is about 2 years old and came to the shelter as a stray. We don't have much of a back ground history on her. She is going to need a home with some room to run. She probably won't do the best with cats. She will do ok paired with the right bigger size dog. She has a tendency to be a dominant lady, so a less dominate male will probably make the best partner for her. She is learning her obedience but as always it's a work in progress. Her adoption fee is $200 that includes her spay, her microchip and all her vaccines. Web: www.columbiahumane.org Phone: 503-397-4353 2084 Oregon Street Email: animalwelfare@columbiahumane.org St. Helens, OR 97051 Tessie Aldrich Zach Rumbolz Elizabeth L. Holsey Terry Schaumburg Don Sandrich James T Johns Jim & Helen Meacham Jim Johns Kari Titus Daniel F. O’Leary Terry Schaumburg Faith Reynolds Joyce James Myra Baska & Gary Dinger Steve, Rick, Kendall & Mike Grady Daniel F. O’Leary In Honor of: Daniel F. O’Leary Food Bank Workers John Nuernberger Faye Millis Sword May this year bring peace Grandchildren: Ethan, Isabella, and health to all in our Halani & Charlotte great community!
