8
in other words
february18
2016
Better Parenting:
By Sonia Spackman MA, MFT
The quote in the headline is
from a frustrated parent, expressing the
feelings of many parents these days.
More parents and teachers are frustrated
and confused about the way angry, dis-
ruptive, and disrespectful kids are act-
ing out. They bully other kids and easily
take out their anger on their peers. Get-
ting control of this problem is very dif-
ficult.
For example, a child who acts
out may be expressing other emotions
291
A
Street
call Kim
Lovable service at
a reasonable price
• Bathing
• Haircuts
• Nail Clipping
• Nail Polishing
• Specialty
Shampoos
“Why is My Child So Angry and How Do I Deal With it?”
through anger. A youngster may be ex- make it better. Your job is to prove that instead of yelling or screaming at me.”
periencing a loss, a divorce or a move you understand.
Parents Can Make It Worse
they can’t talk about. The child may be
“It sounds like you get mad
Parents who do not treat their
trying to let the world know that his/her when I ask you if it is time to do your kids with respect send a message that
life is not what it ought to be. Regardless chores. Thank you for sharing that with says, “You are not worth it.” These par-
of the reason, it looks the same as a child me. I’ll remember that. And if you think ents more than likely yell and swear a lot
that has mental health issues.
of a better way for me to remind you, let at their kids. This teaches the kid to yell
But how can we deal with this me know.”
and scream back while the parents react
anger without a psychologist?
With kids that don’t do their by getting angrier. It’s a vicious cycle
A Parent’s Job is to Understand, Not to chores, don’t respect other’s property, that breeds constant anger in the child.
Fix Things.
swear, or steal you may try the follow-
In place of anger, parents should
Listening for understanding is ing:
work on listening to their children in a
impossible when a child is “drunk” on 1. Name the behavior, swearing
kind, honest and open manner.
anger. Never try to reason with an angry 2. Tell why the behavior is unacceptable
Most children will talk openly
child. Instead say, “It sounds like you’re …”swearing is vulgar, and it is against only after they truly believe their mom,
really mad. I want to listen and under- our family rules, and the rules at school dad or caregiver are interested in what
stand. And I will listen when your voice and church.
they have to say and understand their
is as calm as mine. Come
feelings.
back then.” If the child
When Anger Continues
Never reason with an angry child.
won’t leave, you leave.
Use empathy and understanding instead. If, despite your best efforts to
Be prepared to re-
understand your child’s anger,
peat your statement calmly
there isn’t a change in behavior
if the child is continuing to yell out the 3. Ask your child to describe the more after three months, parents should seek
anger without leaving, say, “Don’t wor- acceptable behavior that might work for professional counseling for their child.
ry about it now. We’ll talk when you’re them that they might try instead.
In some instances severe anger is best
calm.” You may need to say this several
Another strategy that may help helped by a professional.
times. Be prepared to play “broken re- parents is the “I” Message. It will work
Dealing with angry children is
cord” with “What did I say?” Use these with some children. For example:
hard. We can get worn down and ex-
phrases. Trying to reason will only fuel 1. WHEN, (share in one sentence what hausted. But they will never handle their
the anger.
happened without blaming anyone.) anger better than we do. Remember, they
“Thanks for Sharing That”
“When someone yells at me…”
will grow up and be gone sooner than
Once the child is able to discuss 2. I FEEL (use one word) “I feel you think. We need to equip them for
the anger, listen without reasoning. Try scared”…
their future now.
to avoid telling the child why he/she 3. BECAUSE (describe why you felt
Feel free to contact me if you
should not be angry. Avoid telling them scared in one sentence)… “because we have parenting questions or would like a
that things will be okay and how to might get in a fight….”
column on something else you are inter-
4. WHAT I NEED/WANT FROM YOU ested in. soniaspackman@msn.com
IS, (state in one or two short sentences) References, Cline/Fay Institute, Inc.,
“What I need from you is to talk to me Parenting Skills Homework Planner,
about what is making you so angry…. Sarah Edison Knapp
Need more room?
See us for the lowest prices GUARANTEED!
Debit/Credit now accepted
5x10 $39
10x10 $69
10x20 $99
RV Storage $149
In Memory of:
Outside storage available
Totally fenced and gated
Padlocks available
58605 Nehalem Hwy South • P.O. Box 292
Vernonia, Oregon 97064
(503) 429-7867
Throughout the holiday season many contributions were
made to our community out of the generosity in the
hearts of others. Vernonia Cares Food Bank would like
to recognize the loved ones of our generous friends who
made donations as part of our “Caring Tree” project.
10-5 Tue-Sat
12-4 Sun
Columbia Humane Society
Featured Pet
Chloe is about 2 years old and came to
the shelter as a stray. We don't have
much of a back ground history on her.
She is going to need a home with some
room to run. She probably won't do the
best with cats. She will do ok paired
with the right bigger size dog. She has
a tendency to be a dominant lady, so a
less dominate male will probably make
the best partner for her. She is learning
her obedience but as always it's a work
in progress. Her adoption fee is $200
that includes her spay, her microchip
and all her vaccines.
Web: www.columbiahumane.org
Phone: 503-397-4353
2084 Oregon Street
Email: animalwelfare@columbiahumane.org
St. Helens, OR 97051
Tessie Aldrich
Zach Rumbolz
Elizabeth L. Holsey
Terry Schaumburg
Don Sandrich
James T Johns
Jim & Helen Meacham
Jim Johns
Kari Titus
Daniel F. O’Leary
Terry Schaumburg
Faith Reynolds
Joyce James
Myra Baska & Gary Dinger
Steve, Rick, Kendall & Mike Grady
Daniel F. O’Leary
In Honor of:
Daniel F. O’Leary
Food Bank Workers
John Nuernberger
Faye Millis Sword
May this year bring peace Grandchildren:
Ethan, Isabella,
and health to all in our
Halani & Charlotte
great community!
