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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 15, 2011)
.« 34 voices- JULY 15. 2011 WWW.JUSTOUT.COM Get With The Program a I’ve been seeing this guy for a ■ while. H e’s a really nice, really sexy guy, and I dig him. We met at a dinner party, where friends introduced us, and from there we’ve been spending a lot o f one-on-one time, like hiking and, um, stuff. 1 took him out to dinner the other night and, when I asked him to pick out a bottle o f wine for us, was surprised to find out that he doesn’t drink, because he’s a recovering alcoholic. I know people who don’t drink, but we don’t really talk about it, and I’ve never dated someone who doesn’t drink at all. I’m not a big drinker, hut the idea that we’ll never share a bottle o f wine makes me a little sad. Also, 1 don’t want to offend him by drinking in front o f him, or having a party where I’m serving alcohol. H e’s a really great, engag ing guy. I’m not sure how to move forward. Q a big part of why you find him so fun and engaging. If it really, truly matters to you that you will never share a bottle of wine with this guy, then, honey, it’s not going to work—for either of you. But if you can get over that, and work through the social awkwardness that you’re feeling, you could find yourself in an emotion ally and spiritually fulfilling relationship like you’ve never experienced. Frankly, it’s where I find myself now. I’m in a relationship with a woman who is in recov ery. I don’t drink. I never did. I’m not part of the program, hut I still face the pressures we all do to have a drink in your hand at a party. So, for me, dating someone who is sober is a a Alcohol *is part of gay culture. I’m wonderful thing. It’s an added bonus to the ■ sorry to say it, but it’s true. Hell, it’s smart, sexy package she brings. The fact that part of American culture. A lot of queers are she doesn’t drink takes away some of the anxi wounded kids who are still covering up hurt ety that I feel in social situations where I’m with alcohol (or drugs or food or something). expected to he imbibing. If it’s awkward for you that he’s not drink But it’s more than that—much more. A ing, imagine how awkward it is for him. Be person who is in recovery isn’t just someone proud of your partner for facing his demons. who doesn’t drink. Sobriety is a part of every It’s the reason he can be a present and full facet of their life. I find that my girlfriend is participant in your relationship. It’s probably dedicated to honest, open communication A her providing support to others in recovery as they find themselves in dark times. It reminds me to show compassion to my fellow human beings. Everything that she does to support her recovery strengthens her, and it strengthens our relationship, because she is fully able to engage from a place of conscious, deliberate action. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. So, my dear, if you like this guy, try to put aside your awkwardness, and experience the beauty he may have to offer you. If you have questions, ask. If you’re wondering how he feels at a party where your friends are all drinking, ask him. If you want to know how to support him, ask. Let him know that you’re willing to support him if you can. If you would like to know more about the program, think about attending an Al-Anon meeting (for friends and family of alcoholics), or a CoDA meeting (for people seeking healthy relationships). These meetings will introduce you to the idea of 12-step programs, and give you the tools to both better understand your partner and to make sure you are placing your self and your spirituality first, too. and takes responsibility for her behavior. She is deliberate in her thoughts and actions in a way that is really rare. She is dedicated to these things because she is a fantastic person, and also because they are important aspects of her recovery. Being in a relationship with someone like that inspires me to embrace those ideals with her. Dating a person in recovery means dating someone who is, first and foremost, truly dedicated to a spiritual relationship with their higher power. Tt means dating someone who is committed to helping others and being of service in their daily lives. It can mean phone calls and meetings on a daily basis. My girlfriend meditates and makes and takes calls every single day. For me, it means that the mornings are hers, a kind of no-fly zone that I respect so that she can do her spiritual work. I am blessed to be able to wit ness my partner honoring herself every time she meditates or prays. I am inspired to find my own sacred, personal time. And I see her reaching out to a beautiful support structure of like-minded people who hold her account K ristin F lickingf . r talks more about relation able, and connect her to a community. I see ships, life and love at askthegay.com. ENTIRE PURCHASE WHEN Wait! Wait! 1 want to watch the Tour de France e ~ 'MAX X O riiE COMBINED WITH IN-STORE OFFERS DISE VIDEO 14712 SE Stark S t Portland\ OR 97233 503.255.9414 OPEN 24/7 * Glass Tobacco Pipes Starting at $2.99 ¥ DVDs starting at $4.99 ¥- * 100 Channel Arcade Huge Selection of Toys, Magazines, Lubricants, & More!
