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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 6, 2004)
august 6.2004 * JU S t OUt 25 Boo Hoo: No More Pitching Woo The myths and realities of Lesbian Bed Death by G in a D a g g e tt S ay the words “Lesbian Bed Death” and many couples will claim that its an old (lesbian) wives’ tale and that their sex life has always— without a hiccup— been an erotic breath of hot air. Probe a little more, though, and they just might tell you the truth. Coined by University o f W ashington pro fessor Peppier Schwartz, Lesbian Bed Death is a phenom enon that occurs in relationships when sexual activity wanes after the honeymcxin period is over. But according to Wendy Blenning, a licensed clinical social worker in Portland: “It’s not just a lesbian problem. This is an issue for all people. My practice includes a lot of gay, les bian, trans and bisexual folks, as well as hetero sexuals, and they are all coming in with the same kinds of issues. T his is an intimacy thing.” O ther therapists say lesbians may he more susceptible to a waning sex life. “1 see more les bian couples with sexual challenges than other types of couples,” says Portland licensed clin i cal social worker Beth Richm an. Perhaps it’s not that dykes are prone to Les bian Bed D eath, she adds, but instead that they “suffer from more fear of a dying sex life and are more proactive about it than other folks. Maybe this is because we have the term .” If this speaks to you like the Gospel, don’t be discouraged— it’s not the end o f your rela tionship. Keeping sex hot in a long-term monogamous union requires effort. “1 see sexual problems as I see any other,” says Richm an, a 32-year-old who identifies as a dyke. “It’s a matter o f isolating the problem, exploring where it came from, being conscious and aware, being kind to yourself during the process and then addressing the problem in a gentle but direct way.” T here are a lot of reasons lesbians seem to Big City Produce 722 N Summer at Albina local folks, local produce, organics, etc (503) 460-3830 X fs FA : SS i 2 blocks C ;| e t ^ r ^ O . { PCC Cascade Killingsworth Alberta l-S It’s a you parade. Herzpg-M eier D. Fulps/George Kettner S 0 3 -6 4 4 -9 12 1 *cars @ herzogmeier.com Drivers wanted, to// w w w .n c n m .e d u BALM 503 . 552.1551 Health is Beautifulm URBAN HEALING RETREAT v • Holisitlc skin care practice of Anne C. Heenan, nurse practitioner Massage European facial treatment? Microdermabras ion • simptficial chemical peels . , ‘ \ • Natural naH care • Waxing services 503 . 517.8565 40)1 Sf Hawthorve Blvd I www.IAUIIonliM.coi slide into virtual celibacy. W hile the issues vary, Just Out has identified some of the com mon bedroom chillers. Negative body image: "I hate my body" ssues surrounding body image are a huge player in the bedroom. Lesbian sex guru Jo an n Loulan tackles this in her book Lesbian Sex. “Insecure feelings take a constant toll on our sex lives,” writes Loulan. I Women with disabilities often feel an added burden, as do some women with weight issues. “After years of internalized messages, it may be dif ficult for some fat women to feel relaxed, to express needs and to feel free to let go,” writes Loulan. Stacy Bias, founder o f TechnoD yke.com and the mastermind of FatG irl Speaks— an annual festival celebrating size, self and sexu ality— echoes Loulan. “Being a fat woman provides its own set o f unique challenges in the bedroom,” she says. “Fat women face such a daily barrage o f insult and injury from both mainstream media and society expectations in general that feeling sexy and owning your sexuality is a near H erculean feat, “Fat women also seem to have a hard time feeling connected to their bodies,” notes Bias, who says the negative messages in the world cause them to disassociate themselves from their skin. “Sex can be less pleasurable for some because it can take a great deal o f effort to crawl out of our minds.” Overbonding: "People ask if we're sisters all the time" ontrary to popular lesbian belief, one plus one does not equal one. “W hen you think about what makes a spark, it’s not two o f the same things,” says Blenning, who has been providing mental health services since 1978. “W e’ve got to have some kind of friction. “But bonding is not a bad thing,” she C Continued on Page 26
