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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 21, 2003)
/ r 21.2003 * Automotive Maintenance & Repair A T ITS B E S T ! ALL FOREIGN & DOMESTIC AUTOMOBILES QUALIFIED. HONEST, QUICK & FAIRLY PRICED SATISFIED CUSTOMERS TELL THEIR FRIENDS — THEY ALL COME BACK! (references on file) AUTO-MARINE 4 2 3 0 N E S U M N E R ST. 503 282-0159 - Scott (left) and Alex joined the home of Steve Wagenhoffer and Mitch Zahn as foster kids before the couple adopted both children in 1997 Salem. Rut when she learned of a couple who had been turned down for adoption because they were gay, she contacted them. In the beginning Edmark says she spent a lot of time with the couple as they got to know each other. “I had to ask myself: ‘Do I want to he a surrogate for these guys? Do I want them to he my baby’s fathers.7’ ” After some consideration they decided to move forward with the surrogacy, and in 1999 Edmark was inseminated using sperm from one of the intended parents. It tixik four tries for her to get pregnant, hut a year later she learned that she was carrying a child. Edmark notes numerous benefits to being a surrogate. “The guys took a very active role in my pregnancy,” she says. “(They) were won derful. They went to every doctor’s appoint ment with me. They were even there for the C-section.” As a traditional surrogate, Edmark used her own eggs and is the biological mother of the baby hoy she carried. “I had the goods,” she jokes. “Using someone else’s eggs was never an issue.” For Edmark, money wasn't an issue, either. Surrogates who work through an agency are paid upward of $20,000 plus medical and travel expenses, but she sought no compensation at all. “I didn’t do it for the money,” she says, adding that although she wanted to experience what it would he like to have a child, she didn’t want to raise a baby in her single-parent household. Hixlgson agrees that money isn’t always the primary motivator for being a surrogate. “It’s about more than getting a paycheck at the end,” she says. "They are giving a family a baby." baby, so the couple decided to become parents using a combination of insemination and surro gacy. Using Lauren’s eggs and donor sperm, fer tilized embryos were implanted in Rivka. “W e’re both her mothers,” says Rivka. "We both contributed to her biological formation at the most basic level. Lauren is the genetic mother, and I am the gestational mother. She’s part of both of us.” C h o o sin g a donor heir 4 1/2-year-old daughter is also part of another person: her father. The JL couple considered donors from Rivka’s family but couldn’t find an appropriate match. Eventually, they settled on a gay friend. “I approached Steven at work and told him we wanted to be parents,” explains Lauren. “1 asked if he would consider being the donor.” Lauren explained to Steven, 55, that they would encourage him to have a relationship with the child but wanted him to give up his parental rights. After some consideration, he agreed to participate. “For infertile hetero couples, surrogacy is their last stop.... But gay men are the opposite. This is their first stop, and they are thrilled to be going through this process." Insem ination auren Gcvurtz never imagined she would have children. “1 never had any sense of wanting to be a mom,” she says. Rut when she fell in love with Rivka Gevurtz, she agreed to explore the options. The couple, who are both 44 and live in Port land, ttxik a parenting class where Lauren decided she was ready to consider parenthuxxJ. “I had so much fear before I said yes," she says. “1 ttxik Rivka on an emotional roller coaster ride.” When she decided she wanted to become a parent, Lauren says, “I told Rivka, ‘If we’re going to do this, I want to be the genetic mom.’ I was worried that I wixildn't feel committed enough as a parent if I didn’t have a genetic connection." Rut Rivka also wanted a connection to the — Stuart Miller DiKtors recovered 32 healthy eggs from Lauren, and in early 1998— two weeks after the eggs were fertilized with Steven's sperm and implanted into Rivka’s utenis— the couple dis covered they were pregnant on their first attempt. Hannah was bom nine months later. Roth women say the decision to use a known donor was simple. "We felt like it was the most important gift we could give to Han nah," says Rivka of her daughter’s relationship with Steven. "They are very close." Tinker, a lesbian who conceived her 20- ycar-old son thnxigh insemination with a known donor, agrees with the Gevurtzes about the benefits of using a known donor. “I wanted my child to have a genetic father that he could know and be proud of," she says. Not only did her son grow up knowing who his father was, Tinker says the two have a rela tionship. "There are all sorts of mles for what you ‘should’ do. Rut it’s a really individual choice. I know a lot of kids who have unknown donors, and they’re fine with it.” Rut with a known donor, Tinker cautions: “You can’t just take the sperm and nin: There is a relationship. You have to really think about whether this is someone you want in your life." For the Gevurtzes, there were other chal lenges. “The most frustrating piece is that from every emotional and biological standpoint, we arc her mothers, but we had to adopt our own child,” explains Rivka. Legal and ethical considerations ecause laws vary from state to state (in Oregon, for example, Rivka would be the legal mother because she car ried the child, but in California, Lauren would be the mother because she’s the genetic donor), the Gevurtzes wanted to ensure they were her legal parents no matter where they lived. “We adopted Hannah as a couple,” Rivka says. "Roth of our names are on the birth certificate." T he couple also faced the chal lenge of expensive medical bills and say they were fortunate to have Lau ren’s mother pay for the prtxredure, which cost $12,000. “She was so committed to our dream," Rivka says, “but it was frustrat ing to spend thousands of dollars to have our child and thousands more on top of that to adopt her. “Our hope is that Hannah will never doubt how much she is loved and how much she was wanted,” adds Rivka. “We would move heaven and earth for her, and we did.” Happy endings t’s not new for the queer community to have children," Tinker says. "W hat’s new is that couples are falling in love, getting married and then going out and kx>king for children, and having some say in how they’re having children." Rosenthall agrees: “The far right accuses us of bringing kids into these decadent, immoral families, but I’ve never seen a group of people who are more thoughtful ahxit the decision to parent.” JH “ I Jooi H elmer is a Portland free-lance water it's ME! w ig s ertiweates available breast form s, bras & more! • Cinchers • Gaffs • Padded Panties trans friendly susan johnson owner/fitter 2041 ne burnside, gresham 503/491-5110 ~ www.shopitsme.com Canadian & 13260327 W e up to $ on Medication from Canada Eigene Office: 541-461-Heme (4663) 6tt 1 Price füllte • Ht malt Hont (till foil frtt: i m m m o 4 (ÄiSjjÄ-4604) www.myCPSupply.(om What's Cooking? Paul Gandy Personal Chaf Barvioaa Call CB 0 3 ) (B 0 3 ) Creativa Cuisina, LLC w w w . E a t s C r e a t iv e C u is in e . c o m
