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Scott (left) and Alex joined the home of Steve Wagenhoffer and Mitch Zahn as foster kids before the couple adopted both children in 1997
Salem. Rut when she learned of a couple who
had been turned down for adoption because
they were gay, she contacted them.
In the beginning Edmark says she spent a
lot of time with the couple as they got to know
each other. “I had to ask myself: ‘Do I want to
he a surrogate for these guys? Do I want them
to he my baby’s fathers.7’ ”
After some consideration they decided to
move forward with the surrogacy, and in 1999
Edmark was inseminated using sperm from one
of the intended parents. It tixik four tries for
her to get pregnant, hut a year later she learned
that she was carrying a child.
Edmark notes numerous benefits to being a
surrogate. “The guys took a very active role in
my pregnancy,” she says. “(They) were won
derful. They went to every doctor’s appoint
ment with me. They were even there for the
C-section.”
As a traditional surrogate, Edmark used
her own eggs and is the biological mother of
the baby hoy she carried. “I had the goods,”
she jokes. “Using someone else’s eggs was
never an issue.”
For Edmark, money wasn't an issue,
either. Surrogates who work through
an agency are paid upward of $20,000
plus medical and travel expenses, but
she sought no compensation at all.
“I didn’t do it for the money,” she
says, adding that although she wanted to
experience what it would he like to have
a child, she didn’t want to raise a baby
in her single-parent household.
Hixlgson agrees that money isn’t
always the primary motivator for being a
surrogate. “It’s about more than getting a
paycheck at the end,” she says. "They are
giving a family a baby."
baby, so the couple decided to become parents
using a combination of insemination and surro
gacy. Using Lauren’s eggs and donor sperm, fer
tilized embryos were implanted in Rivka.
“W e’re both her mothers,” says Rivka. "We
both contributed to her biological formation at
the most basic level. Lauren is the genetic
mother, and I am the gestational mother. She’s
part of both of us.”
C h o o sin g a donor
heir 4 1/2-year-old daughter is also
part of another person: her father. The
JL
couple considered donors from Rivka’s
family but couldn’t find an appropriate match.
Eventually, they settled on a gay friend.
“I approached Steven at work and told him
we wanted to be parents,” explains Lauren. “1
asked if he would consider being the donor.”
Lauren explained to Steven, 55, that they
would encourage him to have a relationship
with the child but wanted him to give up his
parental rights. After some consideration, he
agreed to participate.
“For infertile hetero
couples, surrogacy
is their last stop....
But gay men
are the opposite.
This is their first stop,
and they are thrilled
to be going through
this process."
Insem ination
auren Gcvurtz never imagined
she would have children. “1 never had
any sense of wanting to be a mom,”
she says.
Rut when she fell in love with Rivka
Gevurtz, she agreed to explore the options.
The couple, who are both 44 and live in Port
land, ttxik a parenting class where Lauren
decided she was ready to consider parenthuxxJ.
“I had so much fear before I said yes," she
says. “1 ttxik Rivka on an emotional roller
coaster ride.”
When she decided she wanted to become a
parent, Lauren says, “I told Rivka, ‘If we’re going
to do this, I want to be the genetic mom.’ I was
worried that I wixildn't feel committed enough as
a parent if I didn’t have a genetic connection."
Rut Rivka also wanted a connection to the
— Stuart Miller
DiKtors recovered 32 healthy eggs from
Lauren, and in early 1998— two weeks after the
eggs were fertilized with Steven's sperm and
implanted into Rivka’s utenis— the couple dis
covered they were pregnant on their first
attempt. Hannah was bom nine months later.
Roth women say the decision to use a
known donor was simple. "We felt like it was
the most important gift we could give to Han
nah," says Rivka of her daughter’s relationship
with Steven. "They are very close."
Tinker, a lesbian who conceived her 20-
ycar-old son thnxigh insemination with a
known donor, agrees with the Gevurtzes about
the benefits of using a known donor. “I wanted
my child to have a genetic father that he could
know and be proud of," she says.
Not only did her son grow up knowing who
his father was, Tinker says the two have a rela
tionship. "There are all sorts of mles for what
you ‘should’ do. Rut it’s a really individual
choice. I know a lot of kids who have
unknown donors, and they’re fine with it.”
Rut with a known donor, Tinker cautions:
“You can’t just take the sperm and nin: There
is a relationship. You have to really think about
whether this is someone you want in your life."
For the Gevurtzes, there were other chal
lenges. “The most frustrating piece is that from
every emotional and biological standpoint, we
arc her mothers, but we had to adopt our own
child,” explains Rivka.
Legal and ethical
considerations
ecause laws vary from state to state
(in Oregon, for example, Rivka would
be the legal mother because she car
ried the child, but in California, Lauren would
be the mother because she’s the genetic
donor), the Gevurtzes wanted to ensure they
were her legal parents no matter where
they lived. “We adopted Hannah as a
couple,” Rivka says. "Roth of our names
are on the birth certificate."
T he couple also faced the chal
lenge of expensive medical bills and
say they were fortunate to have Lau
ren’s mother pay for the prtxredure,
which cost $12,000.
“She was so committed to our
dream," Rivka says, “but it was frustrat
ing to spend thousands of dollars to
have our child and thousands more on
top of that to adopt her.
“Our hope is that Hannah will
never doubt how much she is loved
and how much she was wanted,” adds
Rivka. “We would move heaven and
earth for her, and we did.”
Happy endings
t’s not new for the queer community
to have children," Tinker says.
"W hat’s new is that couples are
falling in love, getting married and then going
out and kx>king for children, and having some
say in how they’re having children."
Rosenthall agrees: “The far right accuses us
of bringing kids into these decadent, immoral
families, but I’ve never seen a group of people
who are more thoughtful ahxit the decision to
parent.” JH
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