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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 21, 2003)
32 J november 21. 2003 S O M A N Y S H O E S ... We A re F a m ily Continued from Page S fa . 0 ß 3 1 twins, a baby girl and a little hoy with a history of child abuse. For various reasons, the couple were never chosen as adoptive parents for those kids. “In the hack of our minds we were wonder ing: ‘Are they placating us? Are we really going to get a child?’ ” says Wagenhoffer. The waiting game AN D JUST O N E P A IR OF GLASSES? E_aglc Elye Optical PRESCRIPTION EYEWEAR GLASSES & C ONTACTS Eye exams by an independent Doctor of Optometry 2808 N E M L K Jr Blvd, Suite C Portland, OR 9 7 2 12 Located next to Billy Reed’s Restaurant 5 0 3 . 3 3 5 .7 1 7 3 LO O www.eagleeyeopticalshop.com 503.471.3479 dougbeebe@cbseal.com Let me sell your home for the best price possible in the least amount of time dougbeebe.com coLDUieu. banker □ BARBARA SUE SEAL PROPERTIES 503 . 224.7325 Surrogacy rom the beginning of their relationship 12 years ago, Will Halm and his part ner, Marcellin Simard, both 52, knew they wanted to have children. After facing dif ficulty finding an adoption agency willing to work with a gay couple, they opted to pursue a different path. “We decided we wanted a woman to have our baby," says Halm. At the time, no agencies were matching intended parents with a surrogate—a woman who carries a child for another am ple— so Halm says they had to put significant effort into finding someone. "We put the word out that we were kxiking ft* a woman to carry our child." The am ple, who live in Los Angeles, even tually found a surrogate, and after one failed embryo transfer and a miscarriage, they finally The greatest gift Nuts and bolts had wanted to be a surrogate for a very long time, but 1 was turned down by agencies because I had no other children,” says Laura Edmark, 40, of he needs of gay couples are so dif ferent from the needs of infertile hetero sexual couples," says Growing Generations CEO Stuart Miller. “For infertile hetero couples, surrogacy is their last stop: They’ve tried infertility treat ments for approxi mately 10 years and are extremely unhappy about going this route. Rut gay men are the opposite. This is their first stop, and they are thrilled to be going through this process." But Miller cautions that the process can he overwhelming. “There are approx imately 250 activities that have to happen before a client goes home with a baby," Miller says, referring to the barrage of med ical tests, legal proce- dures anil psychologi cal evaluations that are required for Kith surrogates and prospective parents. Portland adoption attorney Sandy Hodgson founded Northwest Surrogacy Unlike private adoption, in which the Center to give gay men and lesbians another family-building alternative P H O TO BY Doug Beebe Associate Broker fter a year of waiting, the couple’s social worker asked if they were will ing to take the risk of looking in the foster care system. “In the foster care system there is the assumption that reunification (with the hirth mother] will he successful,” explains Zahn. Though there were no guarantees that a child from the foster care system would have a per manent home with them, Zahn and Wagen hoffer decided to take the risk, and that was where they found their son Scott. Rut when it came time for Zahn and Wagen hoffer to bring their 4-month-old son home, their social worker suggested that only one of them pick Scott up from his foster family. “She was worried that if we went as a gay couple someone in his foster family would object and we may lose him,” says Wagenhoffer. Fearing they may jeopardize their chance at building a family, the couple obliged and brought Scott home without incident. Six weeks later they received a call from their social worker looking to place another child in their care— a 1-year-old hoy named Alex. “We knew we wanted more children even tually," says Wagenhoffer. “W hen we saw Alex, we instantly fell in love.” In 1997, Zahn and Wagenhoffer jointly adopted both of their sons. “It wasn’t always easy,” Wagenhoffer says. "We changed 6,000 diapers the first year.” Late-night feedings and thousands of diapers weren’t the only obstacles the couple faced in raising their sons. “We’ve dealt with all of the stereotypes at one time or another,” says Wagenhoffer. “A lot of folks think gay parents aren’t deserving of healthy kids. We had some one say to us, ‘There are so many couples wait ing for healthy babies, how did you get two?’ assuming that as gay parents, we should have last choice of children, especially healthy ones.” Parents who choose public adoption are often asked what’s wrong with their children. “There is a misconception that parents who adopt through the state get ‘damaged’ chil dren," says Hartman. But Wagenhoffer is quick to add: “There are risks with any adoptive path people choose. People need to decide what level of risk they’re willing to accept.” birth mother chixises the family, in surrogacy the decision is left up to the intended parents, explains hkxlgson, founder of the Portland-based N orth west Surrogacy Center, noting that surrogacy is a much more popular option for gay men than women. O nce clients have chosen a sur rogate, K ith parties enter into a contract. Rut the parent-surrogate relationship is aKiut much more than paperwork. “We encourage intended parents to develop a rela tionship with their surrogate," says Hixlgson. “There is a lot of trust involved. Intended parents trust the surrogate to eat well, avoid drugs and alcohol and to attend regular medical appointments." W ith the average cost for surro gacy ranging from $85,000 to $100,000, Miller acknowledges that there are cheaper options for prospective parents. “Private adoption is definitely » cheaper, but there is no guarantee of success,” he says, noting that gay Susan R osenthall is a clinical social w orker w ho helps couples may have trouble being same-sex families work through the process of creating selected as adoptive parents and that even if they are chosen, the a family, including legal and financial issues birth m other may still change her mind aKiut placing her baby for adoption. learned they were going to have a child. Today W ith surrogacy, Miller adds, “T h e client is they have three children— a daughter and two spending a lot of money, but there is a very stms— through three different surrogates. predictable outcom e— a baby." Halm’s experience with surrogacy led him to W hile Hodgson agrees th at the success help other gay couples in their stniggle to have rate for surrogacy is high, she cautions that children by opening Growing Generations, a Los the process is often lengthy. “By the time Angeles-based agency that works exclusively with intended parents find a surrogate, do the the gay community to facilitate and support the screenings and medical testing, it can take a surrogacy process. “It was lx mi out of commit long tim e,” she says. ment and passion," says Halm. And in the past 1 seven years, it has grown into the second-largest surrogacy agency in the world.
