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november 21. 2003
S O M A N Y S H O E S ...
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twins, a baby girl and a little hoy with a history of
child abuse. For various reasons, the couple were
never chosen as adoptive parents for those kids.
“In the hack of our minds we were wonder
ing: ‘Are they placating us? Are we really going
to get a child?’ ” says Wagenhoffer.
The waiting game
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Surrogacy
rom the beginning of their relationship
12 years ago, Will Halm and his part
ner, Marcellin Simard, both 52, knew
they wanted to have children. After facing dif
ficulty finding an adoption agency willing to
work with a gay couple, they opted to pursue a
different path.
“We decided we wanted a woman to have
our baby," says Halm.
At the time, no agencies were matching
intended parents with a surrogate—a woman
who carries a child for another am ple— so
Halm says they had to put significant effort into
finding someone. "We put the word out that we
were kxiking ft* a woman to carry our child."
The am ple, who live in Los Angeles, even
tually found a surrogate, and after one failed
embryo transfer and a miscarriage, they finally
The greatest gift
Nuts and bolts
had wanted to be a surrogate for a
very long time, but 1 was turned
down by agencies because I had no
other children,” says Laura Edmark, 40, of
he needs of gay couples are so dif
ferent from the needs of infertile
hetero
sexual couples," says
Growing Generations
CEO Stuart Miller.
“For infertile hetero
couples, surrogacy is
their last stop: They’ve
tried infertility treat
ments for approxi
mately 10 years and
are extremely unhappy
about going this route.
Rut gay men are the
opposite. This is their
first stop, and they are
thrilled to be going
through this process."
But Miller cautions
that the process can
he overwhelming.
“There are approx
imately 250 activities
that have to happen
before a client goes
home with a baby,"
Miller says, referring
to the barrage of med
ical tests, legal proce-
dures anil psychologi
cal evaluations that
are required for Kith
surrogates and
prospective parents.
Portland adoption attorney Sandy Hodgson founded Northwest Surrogacy
Unlike private
adoption, in which the Center to give gay men and lesbians another family-building alternative
P H O TO BY
Doug Beebe
Associate Broker
fter a year of waiting, the couple’s
social worker asked if they were will
ing to take the risk of looking in the
foster care system.
“In the foster care system there is the
assumption that reunification (with the hirth
mother] will he successful,” explains Zahn.
Though there were no guarantees that a child
from the foster care system would have a per
manent home with them, Zahn and Wagen
hoffer decided to take the risk, and that was
where they found their son Scott.
Rut when it came time for Zahn and Wagen
hoffer to bring their 4-month-old son home,
their social worker suggested that only one of
them pick Scott up from his foster family.
“She was worried that if we went as a gay
couple someone in his foster family would
object and we may lose him,” says Wagenhoffer.
Fearing they may jeopardize their chance at
building a family, the couple obliged and
brought Scott home without incident. Six
weeks later they received a call from their
social worker looking to place another child in
their care— a 1-year-old hoy named Alex.
“We knew we wanted more children even
tually," says Wagenhoffer. “W hen we saw Alex,
we instantly fell in love.”
In 1997, Zahn and Wagenhoffer jointly
adopted both of their sons. “It wasn’t always
easy,” Wagenhoffer says. "We changed 6,000
diapers the first year.”
Late-night feedings and thousands of diapers
weren’t the only obstacles the couple faced in
raising their sons. “We’ve dealt with all of the
stereotypes at one time or another,” says
Wagenhoffer. “A lot of folks think gay parents
aren’t deserving of healthy kids. We had some
one say to us, ‘There are so many couples wait
ing for healthy babies, how did you get two?’
assuming that as gay parents, we should have
last choice of children, especially healthy ones.”
Parents who choose public adoption are
often asked what’s wrong with their children.
“There is a misconception that parents who
adopt through the state get ‘damaged’ chil
dren," says Hartman. But Wagenhoffer is quick
to add: “There are risks with any adoptive path
people choose. People need to decide what
level of risk they’re willing to accept.”
birth mother chixises the family, in
surrogacy the decision is left up to the
intended parents, explains hkxlgson,
founder of the Portland-based N orth
west Surrogacy Center, noting that
surrogacy is a much more popular
option for gay men than women.
O nce clients have chosen a sur
rogate, K ith parties enter into a
contract. Rut the parent-surrogate
relationship is aKiut much more
than paperwork. “We encourage
intended parents to develop a rela
tionship with their surrogate," says
Hixlgson. “There is a lot of trust
involved. Intended parents trust the
surrogate to eat well, avoid drugs
and alcohol and to attend regular
medical appointments."
W ith the average cost for surro
gacy ranging from $85,000 to
$100,000, Miller acknowledges that
there are cheaper options for
prospective parents.
“Private adoption is definitely »
cheaper, but there is no guarantee
of success,” he says, noting that gay
Susan R osenthall is a clinical social w orker w ho helps couples may have trouble being
same-sex families work through the process of creating selected as adoptive parents and
that even if they are chosen, the
a family, including legal and financial issues
birth m other may still change her
mind aKiut placing her baby for adoption.
learned they were going to have a child. Today
W ith surrogacy, Miller adds, “T h e client is
they have three children— a daughter and two
spending a lot of money, but there is a very
stms— through three different surrogates.
predictable outcom e— a baby."
Halm’s experience with surrogacy led him to
W hile Hodgson agrees th at the success
help other gay couples in their stniggle to have
rate for surrogacy is high, she cautions that
children by opening Growing Generations, a Los
the process is often lengthy. “By the time
Angeles-based agency that works exclusively with
intended parents find a surrogate, do the
the gay community to facilitate and support the
screenings
and medical testing, it can take a
surrogacy process. “It was lx mi out of commit
long tim e,” she says.
ment and passion," says Halm. And in the past
1
seven years, it has grown into the second-largest
surrogacy agency in the world.