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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 1, 2003)
see signs of gender questioning. A lthough someone who has lived a traditional life in the Steve had told A ni th a t he occasionally context of a heterosexual marriage, this can be cross-dressed, about two years into the rela especially jarring. tionship, he started to do it more often. A ni Portland psychotherapist Reid Vanderburgh introduced him to a trans wom an she knew, says people who are flexible by nature are more and eventually Steve cam e out as Theresa. likely to accept transition. Those who have a rigid worldview are likely to have a harder time with it. For Ani, Steves transition to Theresa was a relief. “I could go hack to being dyke-identified,” she says. Pam Rahn of St. Helens intro duced Markie A cevedo to cross dressing five years ago, shortly after they started dating. “Because I like to dress up and play drag queen, 1 handed him one of my black vinyl corsets,” says Pam, 57. “W hen he put th at on, he went into a different space. He really liked it. For a year and a half, I thought that was fun. 1 said, I’ve got a drag queen. But then as time went on, he kept going.” Pam and M arkie have had a hard tim e of it, almost breaking up last Halloween. A n advertis ing representative for Just O ut, Markie uses the female pronoun for herself, and most of her friends refer to her as female. O ne of the compromises Pam and Markie have come to in their relationship is th at Pam still refers to M arkie using male pro Pam Kalin (left) introduced nouns. Markie identifies as trans- her partner Markie Acevedo gender and is not taking h o r to cross-dressing five vears mones or considering surgery. If she does, ago. Markie now identifies as Pam is not sure she will stay. transgender, though without Pam says: “I am a person who believes hormones or surgery, her people should he who they really are.... If it appearance hasn’t changed means we have to break up, I want you to be much since 1999 (inset). who you are. T h a t’s my highest value in life. You have to express yourself. I’m just saying, if you go there, I’m not going with you.” Brenda identified Sue Blixmifield of La G rande had been dat pretty strongly as a dyke ing David for about two years when things when she met Devan. started to shift. “We spent a lot of time talk She was involved with ing,” says Sue, 53. “We had a whole yearlong Lesbian Avengers and was a part of the Am a conversation about what it’s like to be a woman and a man. I heard a longing in his zon Dragons boat team. Letting go of that dyke voice when David was talking to me about the identity was difficult. fact women got to wear things that felt nice.” “I was in love with the culture,” she says. Sue bought him a woman’s satin nightshirt “T he bond I saw between women is what I and, she says, “Gradually Angela became wanted. I also loved the camaraderie, the sup known to David.” port, the family.” Although she and Devan both identify as Who am I? queer, she knows they are perceived as a straight couple by strangers. “I live what artners artnei who face their significant other appears to be a heterosexual life,” she states. “I chanj anging genders may have to rethink lost that little bit of thrill of walking into a their own identity. T hat may mean restaurant and being a lesbian couple." redefining one’s own sexual orientation. For Even though Pam identifies as bisexual, she P it's ME! still had a hard time when her partner, Markie, came out as transgender. Pam had been in les bian relationships for 17 years when she decid ed she wanted to be with a man again. Markie fit the bill. “W hen I met him, he was a full-on guy— mustache, lifting weights, speed skating, macho, hot stuff,” she says. Markie thought that because Pam was bisexual, her transitioning would not be a 3 problem. “The only women I was ever attracted to were butch,” Pam says, “and here he was all femmie, flitting around in skirts. I never dated a woman in a skirt.” Even though they still struggle from time to time, Pam and Markie credit couples therapy, a competent therapist and their deep love and spiritual connection with sav ing their relationship. Relationships transition ne of the biggest challenges for couples is that the relationship does change. Wolmark says, “A butch/femme dynamic is not the same as a male/female dynamic." As a feminist, Brenda was afraid that her relationship with Devan would end up like some of her previous relationships with men. “In the past I would get into a relationship with a guy and I would change,” she remem bers. “I would turn into someone they w ant ed me to be. I would not like who I was. I was afraid that was going to happen again with Devan because he was becoming a man.” She says that has not happened, and she even cred its herself with turning Devan into a feminist. Now that David is Angela, Sue says, “1 now have some one who understands how much time it takes to get ready if you want to look nice.” She jokes that she has a spouse who understands the concept of fun shoes. Sue also says her partner sees the world differently, closer to how she sees the world. Both Angela and Theresa are much more social than their male selves. “David needed time away from people every single day,” Sue says. David was depressed and often suicidal. W ith a low dose of estrogen, that went away. O trans friendly cosmetic makeovers & consultation sus^n johnson owner/fitter 2041 ne burnside, gresham 503/491-5110 - www.shopitsme.com an organization for family and friends o f trans people, meets 1 p.m. on third Saturday o f each m onth at First Congre gational U nited Church o f Christ, 1126 S.W. Park Ave. 503-228-7219. -Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays— maintains a resource library and meets 7 p.m. on second Tuesday of each month at 1838 S.W. Jefferson St. 503-232-7676 or www.pflagpdx.org. i offers a list of trans-friendly counselors who have been rec ommended by trans folks. 503-222-6151 or melissa@basicrights.org. is a group for Portland-area trans guys. It holds social gatherings 6 p.m. on first Sunday o f each m onth at Barley M ill Pub, 1629 S.R Hawthorne Blvd. Significant others and children are welcome. There is also a mailing list and a support/social group for significant others, coqsure-ownei@onelist.com or groups.yahoo.com/group/pdxsoffa. ' offers family peer support groups for sexual minority fami lies in Portland and Vancouver, Wash. Each group meets monthly, and child care and chil dren’s activities are available. 503-228-3892 or www.lmfamily.org. G o m to r m u —i c e is a Portland-based social, support and educational group for individuals who desire to explore and express another gender. Some events are open to partners. 503-533-8787 or www.nwgapdx.com. Children of Lesbians and Gays Every where: www.colage.org. Esprit* www.espritconf.com. Femme SOFFA: femmefire.proboards20.com. KI M International: www.ftmi.org. Gender Education and Advocacy: www.gender.org. TransFamily: www.transfamily.org. Transster: www.transster.com. True Spirit: www.true-spirit.org. Continued on Page 26 PERSONAL CONCIERGE Finally! A Personal C oncierge S e rv ic e a v a ila b le in Portland! 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