see signs of gender questioning. A lthough
someone who has lived a traditional life in the
Steve had told A ni th a t he occasionally
context of a heterosexual marriage, this can be
cross-dressed, about two years into the rela
especially jarring.
tionship, he started to do it more often. A ni
Portland psychotherapist Reid Vanderburgh
introduced him to a trans wom an she knew,
says people who are flexible by nature are more
and eventually Steve cam e out as Theresa.
likely to accept transition. Those who have a rigid
worldview
are likely to have a harder time with it.
For Ani, Steves transition to Theresa was a
relief. “I could go hack to being
dyke-identified,” she says.
Pam Rahn of St. Helens intro
duced Markie A cevedo to cross
dressing five years ago, shortly
after they started dating. “Because
I like to dress up and play drag
queen, 1 handed him one of my
black vinyl corsets,” says Pam, 57.
“W hen he put th at on, he went
into a different space. He really
liked it. For a year and a half, I
thought that was fun. 1 said, I’ve
got a drag queen. But then as
time went on, he kept going.”
Pam and M arkie have had a
hard tim e of it, almost breaking
up last Halloween. A n advertis
ing representative for Just O ut,
Markie uses the female pronoun
for herself, and most of her
friends refer to her as female.
O ne of the compromises Pam
and Markie have come to in
their relationship is th at Pam still
refers to M arkie using male pro
Pam Kalin (left) introduced
nouns. Markie identifies as trans-
her
partner Markie Acevedo
gender and is not taking h o r
to cross-dressing five vears
mones or considering surgery. If she does,
ago.
Markie now identifies as
Pam is not sure she will stay.
transgender,
though without
Pam says: “I am a person who believes
hormones or surgery, her
people should he who they really are.... If it
appearance
hasn’t changed
means we have to break up, I want you to be
much since 1999 (inset).
who you are. T h a t’s my highest value in life.
You have to express yourself. I’m just saying,
if you go there, I’m not going with you.”
Brenda identified
Sue Blixmifield of La G rande had been dat
pretty strongly as a dyke
ing David for about two years when things
when she met Devan.
started to shift. “We spent a lot of time talk
She was involved with
ing,” says Sue, 53. “We had a whole yearlong
Lesbian Avengers and
was a part of the Am a
conversation about what it’s like to be a
woman and a man. I heard a longing in his
zon Dragons boat team. Letting go of that dyke
voice when David was talking to me about the
identity was difficult.
fact women got to wear things that felt nice.”
“I was in love with the culture,” she says.
Sue bought him a woman’s satin nightshirt
“T he bond I saw between women is what I
and, she says, “Gradually Angela became
wanted. I also loved the camaraderie, the sup
known to David.”
port, the family.”
Although she and Devan both identify as
Who am I?
queer, she knows they are perceived as a
straight couple by strangers. “I live what
artners
artnei who face their significant other
appears to be a heterosexual life,” she states. “I
chanj
anging genders may have to rethink
lost that little bit of thrill of walking into a
their own identity. T hat may mean
restaurant and being a lesbian couple."
redefining one’s own sexual orientation. For
Even though Pam identifies as bisexual, she
P
it's ME!
still had a hard time when her partner, Markie,
came out as transgender. Pam had been in les
bian relationships for 17 years when she decid
ed she wanted to be with a man again. Markie
fit the bill. “W hen I met him, he was a full-on
guy— mustache, lifting weights, speed skating,
macho, hot stuff,” she says.
Markie thought that because Pam was
bisexual, her transitioning would not be a
3 problem. “The only women I was ever
attracted to were butch,” Pam says, “and here
he was all femmie, flitting around in skirts. I
never dated a woman in a skirt.”
Even though they still struggle from time
to time, Pam and Markie credit couples
therapy, a competent therapist and their
deep love and spiritual connection with sav
ing their relationship.
Relationships transition
ne of the biggest challenges for
couples is that the relationship
does change. Wolmark says, “A
butch/femme dynamic is not the same as a
male/female dynamic."
As a feminist, Brenda was afraid that her
relationship with Devan would end up like
some of her previous relationships with men.
“In the past I would get into a relationship
with a guy and I would change,” she remem
bers. “I would turn into someone they w ant
ed me to be. I
would not like who
I was. I was afraid
that was going to
happen again with
Devan because he
was becoming a
man.” She says that
has not happened,
and she even cred
its herself with
turning Devan into
a feminist.
Now that David
is Angela, Sue says,
“1 now have some
one who understands how much time it takes
to get ready if you want to look nice.” She
jokes that she has a spouse who understands
the concept of fun shoes. Sue also says her
partner sees the world differently, closer to how
she sees the world.
Both Angela and Theresa are much more
social than their male selves. “David needed
time away from people every single day,” Sue
says. David was depressed and often suicidal.
W ith a low dose of estrogen, that went away.
O
trans friendly
cosmetic makeovers & consultation
sus^n johnson owner/fitter
2041 ne burnside, gresham
503/491-5110 - www.shopitsme.com
an organization for family
and friends o f trans people, meets 1 p.m. on
third Saturday o f each m onth at First Congre
gational U nited Church o f Christ, 1126 S.W.
Park Ave. 503-228-7219.
-Parents, Families and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays— maintains a resource
library and meets 7 p.m. on second Tuesday of
each month at 1838 S.W. Jefferson St.
503-232-7676 or www.pflagpdx.org.
i offers a list of
trans-friendly counselors who have been rec
ommended by trans folks. 503-222-6151 or
melissa@basicrights.org.
is a group for Portland-area
trans guys. It holds social gatherings 6 p.m. on
first Sunday o f each m onth at Barley M ill
Pub, 1629 S.R Hawthorne Blvd. Significant
others and children are welcome. There is also
a mailing list and a support/social group for
significant others, coqsure-ownei@onelist.com
or groups.yahoo.com/group/pdxsoffa.
' offers family
peer support groups for sexual minority fami
lies in Portland and Vancouver, Wash. Each
group meets monthly, and child care and chil
dren’s activities are available. 503-228-3892 or
www.lmfamily.org.
G o m to r m u —i c e is a
Portland-based social, support and educational
group for individuals who desire to explore and
express another gender. Some events are open to
partners. 503-533-8787 or www.nwgapdx.com.
Children of Lesbians and Gays Every
where: www.colage.org.
Esprit* www.espritconf.com.
Femme SOFFA: femmefire.proboards20.com.
KI M International: www.ftmi.org.
Gender Education and Advocacy:
www.gender.org.
TransFamily: www.transfamily.org.
Transster: www.transster.com.
True Spirit: www.true-spirit.org.
Continued on Page 26
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