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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (March 21, 2003)
march 21. 20Q3 j :u]\u\ViU^fìnews the way services for abuse victims are adver disenfranchisement and social stigma. Closeted partners might be threatened by “out” lovers or tised also sends a pretty clear message, adding that there aren’t many men’s hot lines. those with little to lose with exposure to their families and employers, jeopardizing their posi “What does it mean when there are only tions in their communities. women’s crisis lines or women’s shelters?” G xik asks. “In recent years, more and more shelters Lack of social service resources, especially both nationally and locally extended their serv outside large cities with significant queer ices to lesbians.... But gay and straight men are communities and outreach services, and pre often left out in the cold.” vailing heterosexist attitudes make many Back in the late ’90s while trying to under reluctant to seek out treatment or legal stand his situation, Rubick began making con recourse to protect themselves physically, em otionally, even sexually. How does a tact, especially through his Web page, with woman explain that her female partner is people whose abuse experiences differed from screaming at her and beating her on a daily the dominant model. Eventually his site grew basis to a churchgoing, heterosexual matron into an nonprofit organization. Initially focused on heterosexual male victims of vio in a small town that has not a single commu nity-identified gay resource? lence, SAFE soon extended its outreach to the Sexual abuse in unconventional forms of queer community. sexual expression— for exam ple, fantasy, Rubick emphasizes that the organization bondage and S/M games— that might be does not minimize violence against women. more prevalent in some Streitfeld says SA FE sup quarters of the queer com ports helping everyone "In recent years, more munity might be rational escape domestic violence. ized by the abuser as being Their message is a simple and more shelters both O K when they, in fact, are one: acknowledging that nationally and locally causing significant mental anyone can be the victim of or even physical damage domestic violence— includ extended their services to his or her partner. ing gay men, lesbians and to lesbians.... But gay SA FE points out that straight men— and aiming to provide information about and straight men are often and develop recognition of the problem. less of one’s gender identi left out in the cold." In fact, in the view of ty, orientation or sexual —Phil Cook practices. Being forced to SA FE’s directors, its ap proach has been not to mini “walk on eggshells,” having mize such violence against women but to take a a partner who makes you feel constantly unloved and inadequate, verbal or physical complementary approach— that is, to examine and educate the public and treatment profes intim idation, use of alcohol or drugs to manipulate you, destroying or threatening to sionals about underserved populations such as destroy your property, and actual violence are straight men who are "hidden” victims and all indications of abuse. queers who are “silent” victims. If your partner violates your personal boundaries on a consistent basis, exhibits I hat are some of SA F E ’s messages about chronic jealousy and attempts to control your * dom estic violence in the sexual minorities community? Cook talks about spe activities, uses sexual coercion and violence, or makes important decisions and spends your cial issues unique to nonstraights. He notes money without your consent, you need to rec that gay men often take an approach similar ognize these signs and take action. You proba to heterosexual men: “ 1 can cope.” “ Men bly should seek help or, if change is not possi don’t tell." ble, get out before the control tactics and Child rearing can he a huge issue in the potential for violence escalate. J H queer community, especially with lesbian couples, where one partner might he a biolog For more information about STOP ABUSE FOR ical or adoptive parent who can threaten to E veryone visit w w w .safe4all.org. use her legal or biological status to deny access to kids in the relationship or psycho logically blackmail them to obtain greater J A C K T u r t e l t a u b is a psychologist, coach and free-lance writer who may be reached at power and control. Outing is another concern because of legal turtelta@ e-znet. A d d it io n a l R e s o u r c e s A few other queer-friendly domestic vio lence services are available in the Pacif ic Northwest: • Bradley-Angle House: Provides emer gency shelter for female-identified domestic vio lence survivors; a support group for women bat tered by women; and individual advocacy for queer youth of all genders who have experi enced emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Free and confidential. 503-232-78O5 or www.bradleyangle.org. • Clackamas Women’s Services: Offers shelter, support and resource referral to sur vivors of domestic and sexual violence. Lesbian, bi and trans friendly. T TD , relay calls and collect calls accepted. 503-654-2288 or www.clackamaswomensservices.org. • Volunteers of Am erica O regon’s Family C en ter O utreach O ffice! Offers support groups and drop-in services to women and children who are survivors o f domestic vio- lence. Families only. 503-771-5503 or www.voaor.org/service/children.html. • Portland Women’s C risis Line: Offers services for survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault, including a 24-hour crisis hot line with interpretation services for non- English speakers; advocacy for those Filing restraining orders in Multnomah County; support groups for survivors of violence, rape, sexual assault and childhood abuse. Free and confidential. 503-235-5333, 888-235-5333 or www.pwcl.org. • Survivor Project: Addresses the needs of intersex and trans survivors of domestic and sex ual violence through caring action, education and expanding access to resources. 503-288-3191 o r www.survivorproject.org. • T he N orthw est N etw ork: Sponsors support groups, safety planning, individual counseling, legal advocacy and community organizing for folks o f all genders. Kink- friendly, with a site explaining the difference between S/M and abuse. 206-568-7777 or www.nwnetwork.org. WORRIED ABOUT YOUR RIGHTS? YOU SHOULD BE. R E /M A X S ig n a t u r e P r o p e r t ie s ! Richard B. Schneider A ttorney A t L aw is well versed in the special estate planning needs of the GLBT community and can help you with care and professionalism. What Every Gay And Lesbian Couple Should Know About Estate Planning. 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