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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (March 21, 2003)
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A female-to-male transsexual calls shelter resources seeking relief from her partner, a man who is sexually and financially abusing her and practically running her life— Ira Streitfeld serves on the board of Stop Abuse for Everyone, a Tualatin- into the ground. But based group that educates underserved communities about domestic violence her experience leads and control tactics. W hile recognizing that to raised eyebrows women were not always victims, the dom i and blank stares. Trying to under nant paradigm had two categories: straight stand these different manifestations of an female victims and straight male abusers. otherwise all-too-familiar scenario of domes However, more and more studies arc chal lenging this monolithic approach. Some suggest tic violence is the international nonprofit the frequency of femalc-against-male violence Stop Abuse for Everyone. The small hut in heterosexual relationships is comparable (if growing Tualatin-hased group tries to educate less lethal) to the frequency of male-against- underserved com m unities about dom estic violence. female violence. Other research has found rates of female The story o f SA F E begins with Jade aggression in lesbian relationships and male- Ruhick during a brief marriage in the ’90s while he was a graduate student. A heterosex on-male violence in gay dyads equal to rates ual man, he didn’t recognize domestic vio in heterosexual unions. Som e studies suggest there are even higher rates o f violence in rela lence as his wife physically dominated and tionships where at least one partner is trans. assaulted him. Same-sex domestic violence hy its nature “She controlled everything I did, and there challenges a purely gender-based analysis of was a cycle of violence,” Ruhick says. “She would explode, then become nice. I felt scared abuse. all the time.” Board member Ira Streitfeld, a gay man with a business background, including work in public Ruhick says he felt ashamed of himself and relations, is trying to get out the message about tried to hide what was happening from others. Then a close friend— his boss, a gay man— saw SAFE. He likes to emphasize that it is a “human rights” organization. the bruises and figured out what was going on. “We are not about men or women,” Streit He was “very supportive of me and encouraged feld says. “ In the beginning some refused to me to get out of the relationship.” Rubick’s experience became the impetus for believe men could be victims and believed men could only be perpetrators” of domestic a Web page he started in order to understand violence. what he mistakenly thought— at the time— was a unique experience: being a male victim hile there is more recognition nowa- of domestic violence. At the time, only women ? days of their complexity and differ and children were recognized as the primary victims of marital and relationship physical ences, domestic violence victims who arc not heterosexual women have faced more limita violence. SA FE ’s mission has not been without crit tions and harriers to treatment. Only a hand ful of shelters in the United States even will icism and even controversy in the domestic violence community, even though it is a rela take male victims of domestic violence— gay or straight. tively modest organization. A quarter-century Ruhick recalls calling such a shelter in ago the problem of marital and relationship Eugene when he was trying to get out of his rela violence in nruxlcrn society was not well rec ognized, hut ttxlay there are treatment pro tionship. The hot line operator was sympathet ic, compassionate, wanting to help hut truly puz grams and shelters for battered women and zled. There was no psychosocial framework for children and legal sanctions and diversion viewing men as victims. programs for perpetrators throughout the The reality is, hoard member Phil G x ik United States, Canada and parts of Asia and notes, that a disproportionate amount of Europe. During the past 20 years, clinicians devel resources go to heterosexual women and that other groups can get shortchanged. He says oped treatment programs that were geared toward protecting women from male aggres sors and that emphasized anger management, with legal consequences for the use of power
