march 21. 20Q3 j
:u]\u\ViU^fìnews
the way services for abuse victims are adver disenfranchisement and social stigma. Closeted
partners might be threatened by “out” lovers or
tised also sends a pretty clear message, adding
that there aren’t many men’s hot lines.
those with little to lose with exposure to their
families and employers, jeopardizing their posi
“What does it mean when there are only
tions in their communities.
women’s crisis lines or women’s shelters?” G xik
asks. “In recent years, more and more shelters
Lack of social service resources, especially
both nationally and locally extended their serv outside large cities with significant queer
ices to lesbians.... But gay and straight men are communities and outreach services, and pre
often left out in the cold.”
vailing heterosexist attitudes make many
Back in the late ’90s while trying to under reluctant to seek out treatment or legal
stand his situation, Rubick began making con recourse to protect themselves physically,
em otionally, even sexually. How does a
tact, especially through his Web page, with
woman explain that her female partner is
people whose abuse experiences differed from
screaming
at her and beating her on a daily
the dominant model. Eventually his site grew
basis to a churchgoing, heterosexual matron
into an nonprofit organization. Initially
focused on heterosexual male victims of vio in a small town that has not a single commu
nity-identified gay resource?
lence, SAFE soon extended its outreach to the
Sexual abuse in unconventional forms of
queer community.
sexual expression— for exam ple, fantasy,
Rubick emphasizes that the organization
bondage and S/M games— that might be
does not minimize violence against women.
more prevalent in some
Streitfeld says SA FE sup
quarters of the queer com
ports helping everyone
"In recent years, more munity might be rational
escape domestic violence.
ized by the abuser as being
Their message is a simple
and more shelters both
O K when they, in fact, are
one: acknowledging that
nationally and locally
causing significant mental
anyone can be the victim of
or
even physical damage
domestic violence— includ
extended their services
to his or her partner.
ing gay men, lesbians and
to lesbians.... But gay
SA FE points out that
straight men— and aiming to
provide information about
and straight men are often
and develop recognition of
the problem.
less of one’s gender identi
left out in the cold."
In fact, in the view of
ty, orientation or sexual
—Phil Cook practices. Being forced to
SA FE’s directors, its ap
proach has been not to mini
“walk on eggshells,” having
mize such violence against women but to take a a partner who makes you feel constantly
unloved and inadequate, verbal or physical
complementary approach— that is, to examine
and educate the public and treatment profes intim idation, use of alcohol or drugs to
manipulate you, destroying or threatening to
sionals about underserved populations such as
destroy your property, and actual violence are
straight men who are "hidden” victims and
all indications of abuse.
queers who are “silent” victims.
If your partner violates your personal
boundaries on a consistent basis, exhibits
I hat are some of SA F E ’s messages about
chronic jealousy and attempts to control your
* dom estic violence in the sexual
minorities community? Cook talks about spe activities, uses sexual coercion and violence, or
makes important decisions and spends your
cial issues unique to nonstraights. He notes
money without your consent, you need to rec
that gay men often take an approach similar
ognize these signs and take action. You proba
to heterosexual men: “ 1 can cope.” “ Men
bly should seek help or, if change is not possi
don’t tell."
ble, get out before the control tactics and
Child rearing can he a huge issue in the
potential for violence escalate. J H
queer community, especially with lesbian
couples, where one partner might he a biolog
For more information about STOP ABUSE FOR
ical or adoptive parent who can threaten to
E veryone visit w w w .safe4all.org.
use her legal or biological status to deny
access to kids in the relationship or psycho
logically blackmail them to obtain greater J A C K T u r t e l t a u b is a psychologist, coach and
free-lance writer who may be reached at
power and control.
Outing is another concern because of legal
turtelta@ e-znet.
A d d it io n a l R e s o u r c e s
A
few other queer-friendly domestic vio
lence services are available in the Pacif
ic Northwest:
• Bradley-Angle House: Provides emer
gency shelter for female-identified domestic vio
lence survivors; a support group for women bat
tered by women; and individual advocacy for
queer youth of all genders who have experi
enced emotional, physical or sexual abuse. Free
and
confidential.
503-232-78O5
or
www.bradleyangle.org.
• Clackamas Women’s Services: Offers
shelter, support and resource referral to sur
vivors of domestic and sexual violence. Lesbian,
bi and trans friendly. T TD , relay calls and
collect calls accepted. 503-654-2288 or
www.clackamaswomensservices.org.
• Volunteers of Am erica O regon’s Family
C en ter O utreach O ffice! Offers support
groups and drop-in services to women and
children who are survivors o f domestic vio-
lence. Families only. 503-771-5503 or
www.voaor.org/service/children.html.
• Portland Women’s C risis Line: Offers
services for survivors of domestic violence
and sexual assault, including a 24-hour crisis
hot line with interpretation services for non-
English speakers; advocacy for those Filing
restraining orders in Multnomah County;
support groups for survivors of violence, rape,
sexual assault and childhood abuse. Free and
confidential. 503-235-5333, 888-235-5333 or
www.pwcl.org.
• Survivor Project: Addresses the needs of
intersex and trans survivors of domestic and sex
ual violence through caring action, education
and
expanding
access
to
resources.
503-288-3191 o r www.survivorproject.org.
• T he N orthw est N etw ork: Sponsors
support groups, safety planning, individual
counseling, legal advocacy and community
organizing for folks o f all genders. Kink-
friendly, with a site explaining the difference
between S/M and abuse. 206-568-7777 or
www.nwnetwork.org.
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