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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 21, 2003)
tetxuary 21. ?nm J— t m <|25 “It’s a small house,” Lisa explains. “When you’re new in a relationship you can overlook a lot of stuff, hut...we kept getting more crowd ed.... We kept getting more cranky, we kept having less fun, we kept having more fights...we just felt like if we kept all living together, [Kristen and I) were going to end up breaking up.” They both agreed they didn’t want to break up. Kristen moved in with a friend across town. “ It’s great,” Lisa says. “She’s got more free dom ...she’s a student and needs privacy.... We could give her love and fun and a big, happy family, but we couldn’t give her a nice, clean, quiet space of her own.” Far from breaking up, Kristen is over at the house at least once a week, and Lisa spends the night at Kristen’s once a week. “I miss waking up next to her every morning, and 1 miss going to bed,” admits Kristen. “But it’s nice not to he owned and not own anybody and to try to let the other person he who they are.” They Kith think the relationship will last, although Kristen is considering seeing other people, “which would he good ’cause then you’d have a polyamory-polyamory type of branch-off there,” Kristen laughs. “ Like a little neuron.” o, as it turns exit people don’t always choose polyamory; sometimes it chooses % m P them. Does it always work.7 Of course not. Does monogamy.7 Of course not. In the immortal words of Bart Simpson: “Do what you feel." As long as you negotiate it. J H LlSA B rai ^ shaw is the Arts and Culture Editor of Just Out and can be reached at lisa@justout.com. Upgrading? Downsizing? Investing? ...CALL ME WHEN YOU’RE READY B u t w a ff! T h e re 's m o re . yov/Ve noT <^y»T c f c a á y The Ethical Slut: A Quide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton and Cather ine A. Liszt Written by two bisexual women, this essential poly primer is appropriate for and inclusive of all genders and sexualities. Addresses health, social, philosophical, jealousy, practical and child care issues. Also good if you’re not romantically/sexual ly polyamorous but just have a lot of people in your life who are important to you. 4or T V * Po\ya*wy fT a fT www.LoveMore.com Lesbian Polyfidelity by Celeste West This one includes a wealth of personal interviews and biogra phy of the San Francis co author’s own poly experiences. A bit more hippie-based using new-agey, earth- mother type language, it covers all the basics from a lot of different points of view. Polyamory: The New Love Without Lim its by Deborah Anapol TIRI The Lesbian Polyamory Although there are R eader: Open Relationships, more books to choose POtYAMORY R fA D tR Non-Monogamy, and C asual from now, this is a ■ Sex edited by Marcia Munson revised and updated version of Anapol’s and Judith P. Stelboum Originally published as 1992 book Love With Volume 3, Numbers 1 and 2 out Limits — the first of the Journal of Lesbian Stud real poly primer. The ies, this book is full of well- author discusses her written and thoughtful articles own interesting journey like “Patriarchal Monogamy,” toward multiple rela “Turning Down the Jezebel tionships. This book Decibels" and “Matriarchal (and the others) is Village." Although obviously aimed at lesbians, engaging reading even few those who aren’t the personal essays, poetry, letters, confessions interested in polyamorous relationships and and academic musings are fun and informative has a lot to teach about communication, hon for anyone exploring polyamory. esty and jealousy. "LESBIAN O C E A N SID E "C arm e l o f the O regon C o ast" Pets welcome at most locations. 503 233-4363 - Your one-stop shopping headquarters for poly issues on the Web. T h e nation al organization Polyfidelitous Educa tional Productions runs the site, where you can order Loving M ore magazine (w hich targets consensual nonmonoga- mous readers) and all the above books as well as learn poly terms and defini tions, find out about conferences, peruse FA Q s, place a personals ad and, most importantly, join the chat room with other poly fam ilies looking to give and receive advice. (D o n ’t confuse this with LovingM ore.com , which is just a dating site.) Local Yahoo! listservs • Pdxgaypolyamory: “For gay guys in Portland to talk about polyamory, three-ways and the wonderful world of gay poly dating!” • Polyam orypdx: “A public list for the polyamorous comm u nity in Portland, Oregon, to comm unicate and create comm u nity.” T his one sends reminders about the Polyamory Circle meetings. To sign up for either o f these e-mail lists, go to groups.yahoo.com. A search for “polyamory” yields a total of 126 poly listservs nationwide. JP1 G et R eady for the Sum NO COSMETIC GROUP 9 mi. west of Tillamook. Seven units with spectacular ocean views and large private decks. Full kitchens in six units. All units are equipped with TVs, VCRs and microwaves. Six units have fireplaces. $70-$175 Two night minimum Take ca re of unwanted hair, broken blood vessels & blem ishes We use LYRA® the first FDA approved laser for A ll. SKIN TONES! • Hair Elimination • Razor Bumps • Rosacea F. 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