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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 20, 2002)
“ WARD, WEREN'T YOU A LITTLE RARD ON THE REAVER?" Oscar wild Was this 2002 or 1952? W ith Elvis returning to the top of the albums chart and Republicans dominating in D.C., it would stand to reason that the year’s most acclaimed film was Far from Heaven, gay Portland writer/director Todd Haynes’ absorbing homage to Douglas Sirk melodramas. THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL THE H0M0PH0RE WITH A HEART OF GOLD 8 Mile gave gay-bashing rapper Eminem a makeover that rivaled Courtney Love’s short lived renaissance during the late 1990s. A t one point his character even came to the defense of a gay co-worker. A sweeps appearance on Will & G race can’t be far off. P u n ch-D ru n k Adam Sandler loves shopping FRENCH KISSING PUNCH-DRUNK AND DISORDERLY Anne Heche summons Celestia First, Frau Farbissina joined the women’s golf circuit. Now this. On top of the whole world domination thing, Dr. Evil revealed a homophobic streak in Goldmember, the latest installment of the increasingly bizarre Austin Powers series. T he villain bristled when the title character, a Dutch freak with a 24-karat schlong, complimented his physique (“Dr. Evil, you look very toit— yes, you look like a macho man”). Mike Myers, who played both parts, replied, “You know, Goldmember, I don’t think that’s something one dude should say to another dude— yeah, a little creepy.” Among the 8 W om en in the French musi cal of the same name were Catherine Deneuve and Fanny Ardant, whose Dynasty- esque cat fight ended in a luscious lip lock. Sadly, it was virtually the only on-screen action any actresses older than 50 got all year. Adam Sandler courted Oscar in Punch-Drunk Love as a guy with a short fuse ignited, in part, by the taunts of his seven sisters, who called him “gay boy” throughout his childhood. His character, as it turned out, wasn’t queer, but writer/director Paul Thomas Anderson’s absurd ego exercise sure was. Forget the Academy Awards —Just Out presents its annual honors for dubious achievements in cinema by J im R a d o sta DOES THE Q STAND FOR “ QUEER"? Ex-gay actress Anne Heche made a futile comeback attempt as a cold, unfeeling hospital administrator in John Q . I wonder if Ellen could relate. AT LEAST TINKY WINKY CAN RREATHE EASY MAMA’ S ROYS You know that homoerotic subtext found in every male buddy picture? Y Tu M am á También had the balls to take it to its logical climax, with a three-way love scene that ranks among cinema’s sexiest. And now that director Alfon so Cuarón has been tapped to take over the underachieving Harry Potter franchise, time will tell whether he’ll have the pubescent pupil poke his wand into redhead pal Ron Weasley. OH, L00K«.A GUY IN A DRESS Juvenile flicks Sorority Boys, Jutuanna Mann and The H ot C hick predictably played right into homophobic dudes’ worst fears about gender bending. How original. DECENT EXPOSURE Bigots blasted S cooby-D oo for pot refer ences and “hints at lesbianism” on the part o f Velma (Linda C ardellini). “I’m disheart ened to see just what the producers meant with the promotional line ‘T h e New Doo,’ ” grumbled Robert Knight o f the Culture and Family Institute. Unfortunately, a deleted smooch with Daphne (Sarah M ichelle G ellar) didn’t end up on the DVD. Goldmember (Mike Myers) creeps out Dr. Evil THE GREATEST STORY NEVER SEEN Too bad most people missed writer/director David Jacobson’s Dahmer— easily one of the year’s best films. Jeremy Renner expertly chan neled the infamous gay serial killer, but the real scene stealer was Artel Kayaru as Rodney, one of his potential victims. KILLER INSTINCT In Red Dragon, serial killer profiler Will Graham (Edward Norton) knew just how to push the Tooth Fairy’s (Ralph Fiennes) buttons: Just call him a faggot. Hmm, I wonder whether this approach would work with Osama bin Laden. “ I KNOW NUTING!" Juwanna Mann (Miguel A . Núñez Jr.) blends right in H ogan’s H eroes actor Bob Crane (Greg Kinnear) dumped best friend John Car penter (Willem Dafoe) upon discovering that his home pom co-star copped a feel during one o f their videotaped orgies in Auto Focus. Bravo to hotties Kip Pardue (T he Rules o f Attraction) and Michael Vartan (One Hour Photo) for displaying their assets to the world in all-too-rare “pickle shots.” Thanks but no thanks to Tim Blake Nelson (The G ood G irl). WE WERE RODRED! Meanwhile, the clothes stayed on Jesse Bradford (Swim fan), Johnny Knoxville (jackass the movie) and David Duchovny (Full Frontal, a film shameful ly guilty of false advertising). HOMO SECURITY SYSTEM Jodie Foster thwarted thieves by locking herself in a Panic Room with her baby-dyke daughter (Kristen Stew art). I guess it runs in the family. TITLES WITH GREATEST GAY PORN POTENTIAL My Big Fat G reek Sausage, The Importance o f Doing Ernest, Sexual Minority Report, Bi Another Day, The Lord o f the Cockrings: The Two Towers, The Truth About Charlie, Igby Goes Down. J H HELLO, FRISCO! Richard Gere did little to quell those gerbil-jamming rumors this year. In Unfaithful he was the cuckold husband of adulteress Diane Lane. Later this month he’ll star in Chicago, which happens to be a M U SICA L written by a GAY MAN (Bill Condon of G ods and Monsters fame). Need we say more? Ruh-oh! Right-wingers condemned Velina (Linda Cardellini) for exploring her sexuality in S cooby-D oo. N O W AVAILABLE: BY APIYMNTMFNT AT ^ANOTHER MOON. WWW. AWTHŒÿCON KM* Oli ANI I I KM llv M »IO N with mis ad cJ^(ÀMy the/ ¿fifa oj- séance/ th ifr PALMISTRY. 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