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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (May 17, 2002)
17.2QQ2 48 T ADVICE ..............T .............. D o n 't m is s the S IL E N T AUCTION at the 1st Annua]... Staying in, coining out Don’t go out with psycho hoys; do come out to Nana TM a benefit for basic rights Item s to L e au ctio n ed include: * Sports & Event Tickets * Weekend Getaways for Two * Home entertainment electronics * j\ptograplied Celebrity Items and xnuck mudi more/ > . '"t ■ ' ", i f . V<. F or m o re inform ation, p le a se s e e the Color in se rt in this issu e , o r v is it w w w .dingoSonline.com D ear M s . B ehavior : Two years ago you published a letter in your column from a man who had trouble meeting other men. You were tender and caring in your response to him. I wrote asking for his e-mail address because it seemed like this guy and I might have some things in common. This man lived far enough away, so I felt safe talking to him without worrying about him wanting to get close to me. He just didn’t sound right (sane) on the phone, hut he happened to know two unhappy lesbians in my area, so he started visiting. When 1 met him at the lesbians’ apartment, the tent from the previous summer’s trip was sprawled out in the living room. The apart ment smelled like dog poop and urine. I shoveled my way through the living room to get to the sofa to sit down. I tried to smile and he polite, thinking “people live differently, and I should accept it,” which I didn’t. Anyway, my “date” turned out to be so needy he covered me like a dense slime, and 1 couldn’t breathe. I tried to be nice and tell him I didn’t like him “that way,” which didn’t work. I e-mailed and told him I didn’t want any thing to do with him. I was then sent the “Fuck You” e-mail, followed by several more attempts at correspondence. I finally moved, changed my phone number and blocked his e-mail; I think I’ve finally gotten rid of him. I wanted to share that story because 1 learned something^valuable. I should have run to my car at the first scent of dog poop in the les bians’ apartment. — Steve D ear M s . B ehavior : Betty and I are getting hitched. She’s out to her family hut not to her grandmother, whom she loves. The family has Betty con vinced Nana will keel over at the very words “lesbian lover.” The problem is that Betty wants Nana to know hut is afraid to risk the consequences. Also, Nana gives all her beloved grandchildren $10,000 on their wedding day. How can I convince Betty that she is just as entitled to the 10 grand as her married brother and now-divorced sister? Shouldn’t Nana be given the choice? Betty always says Nana loves her best, any way. Won’t Nana love her just as much know ing sh^’s a lesbian? I personally never think it’s a mistake to come out, but, then again, I don’t want Betty to start our happy life together with any regrets. Can you advise us? — Betty's Betrothed D ear B etty ’ s B etrothed : “Don’t tell Nana or she’ll die," is effective emo tional blackmail. But if old people really dropped dead every time they received “shocking” informa tion, no one would have gray hair, and we would n’t have to worry about the state of Medicare. If Betty doesn’t tell her grandmother about you or the wedding, she obviously won’t be able to invite her. That seems sad. And how close can Betty and her grandmother really he if Betty has to hide her most mean ingful relationship from Nana? The sacrifice of intima cy with someone so close seems like an even big ger loss than the poten tial $10,000 dowry. (Well, maybe not big ger. But it’s at least a $7,000 loss.) Also, make sure not to call it a Commitment Ceremony, lest Nana places a lower price tag on the event. Coming out can be messy or volatile, hut it’s never a mistake (unless there’s risk of bodily harm). Betty should risk the murder rap and introduce her beloved (you) to the old lady. Once Nana survives the initial lezzie news, Betty should invite her to come dance at your wedding. JH h i cool weather, plenty of lesbians secretly camp in their living room s and convince their dogs that they are in the great outdoors D ear S teve : Actually, your first hint that things would n’t go well was that your prospective date did not sound sane on the phone. If you felt safe only because he lived far away, why did you have any further contact with him? Ms. Behavior is alarmed by how many of her readers ignore obvious hints. They say things like: “I suspected he was psycho, unethical and had had hygiene on our first date. When we broke up six months later, 1 knew it was true because he broke into my apartment, stole all my money and left his smelly clothing on my bed.” Hello? What happened to that first hint, 180 days earlier? As for the lesbian tent and the dog’s bodily fluids, Ms. Behavior does not understand why you took issue. In cool weather, plenty of lesbians secretly camp in their living rooms and convince their dogs that they are in the great outdoors. ^usie & Lyrics % Stepper S o r te ti* © Meryl Cohn 2002 M eryl C ohn is the author of Do What I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton Mifflin). Her Internet site is www.mshehavior.com. Send questions or correspondence to msbehavierr®aol.com. Direrteil w* Brt*4w*y By J»r*«S Laffn« Phone 503 274-9936 KAREN M. 5WEK3ERT, MD M CX Auditorium - 2400 N l. Broadw ay. Portland. Oregon 97232 June 20‘. 2 I & 2 2nd Spin ( ( )ne 4pm show ling ( )N L Y on 0/22 ) (503) 2 S I-S S 6 S I ickeis .nailable al .ill Nalcwax I \ S I I W ticket < 'outers, t.h.ii'.v h\ piu tuo I’orilatkl 5(H 274 I I W o i I ,XU(M)‘>2 I I W o i ueb <" u u u f.is tix x .c o m . s| 2. SI s (d iloi>i tickets suh|cct to conxcincncc charge. Non pot isli.ihk* looil ilop.it ions u ill he collected .it I lie door .it e.tcli performance Obstetrics and Gynecology CWH fd * f F sx 503 274-2660 PC 1130 N.W. 22nd, Suit« 320, Portland, OR 97210
