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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (March 1, 2002)
44 J 1.2002 ’ve heard a number of gay men complain that as they grow older they feel they’ve . been rendered invisible, that gay culture worships only youth and beauty. Well, duh. Lithe young bodies have been the ideal since the beginning of recorded time. Do you really think all Egyptians looked like those skin ny people standing sideways in papyrus paint ings? O f course not. Those people were like the Abercrombie and Fitch models of their day. It’s only natural that young gay men ignore older gay men. Think about it: When you were in your 20s, did you want to hang out with people your parents’ age? Don’t lie, of course you didn’t. But why should aging baby boomers, a gener ation that actually survived the 1970s, care about the opinions of a generation stupid enough to revive them? Even if they insist on wearing clothes from The Decade That Taste Forgot, children should still only be seen and not heard. To ignore the sexuality of an older person is squandering a precious opportunity. Let’s face it, older men know how to do it better and longer. And you get a much better breakfast in the morning. A s gay men grow older they need to follow the example of the assisted living facility in San Francisco for elderly gays that had to shut down because it became too much like a bath house. Apparently there’s no substitute for a blow job without dentures or a hand job deliv ered by someone with Parkinson’s. But all too often older gays will stand off at the side, their backs against the wall so no one can see their bald spots, instead of stripping off their shirts and getting in the middle of the dance floor, regardless of paunchy bellies and hairy backs. Older men must insist on public Invisible men G row in g old g a y fu lly THE GOSPEL A CC O RD IN G TO M A R C b y M a r c A cito exposure. And I don’t mean just at Mardi Gras An aging body tells the story of your life— the number of times you’ve smiled, the meals you’ve eaten, the miles you’ve run, the car accident you had, the virus you’ve survived. And those features that don’t tell the story of your life— inherited traits like varicose veins and liver spots— tell the story of the ancestors who preceded you. To be ashamed of your balding fr % head or saggy jowls is a dishonor to the genetic material * c ^ that got you here in the first place. Taut young bodies may be beautiful, but they’re blank canvases on which time has not yet painted. Perhaps that’s why so many young sters want tattoos. Speaking of tattooing, can 1 just say that while they may look sexy on those taut young bodies now, has anyone considered it’s only a matter of time before that eagle on your chest decides to fly south toward your waist? Just thought I’d mention it. Young gay guys need to stop calling older men “trolls” and “gnomes” as if gay life were some kind of fairy tale, but only if older men stop calling young men “chicken” or “twinkies,” like they’re some kind of snack. And if you’re uncertain what to call someone, please just refer to this handy list I’ve prepared for you. The Seven Ages of Gay Men • Teens: Gaylmgs. The term is suitably endear ing and adorable, calling to mind little spiky- haired goslings. If, however, you can’t resist the charms of these youngsters, 1 urge you to continue referring to them by their technical name: Jailbait. • 20s: Guydols. Admit it, we treat them like idols— let ’em enjoy those 28-inch waists while they last. By the time middle age rolls around, those narrow hips and broad minds will have changed places. • 30s: FAGS. Because they Finally Are Grown-ups. A t this point you’re old enough to know better but still young enough to do it anyway. And you can usually afford a more comfortable bed to sleep it off in. • 40s: Queen Bees. These are our gay leaders, because it takes that long to get anything worth while accomplished. Particularly if you’re trying to build consensus with lesbians. • 50s: Gay tors. Short for gay mentors. These are the men worth listening to, particu larly when you’re tied to the bed. • 6 0 s: The Hardy Boys. With drugs like Viagra, who needs Ecstasy? • 70s: Aw, hell, let these guys call them selves whatever they want. They’ve earned it. o to the older gay men reading this 1 say, gentlemen, lead by example and show the youngsters what it means to respect your elders by respecting yourself. The youngsters might just do the same. And that, my friends, is The Gospel According to Marc. | H MARC A cito may look his age, but he certainly doesn’t act it. He can be reached at marcacito@attbi.com. 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