44 J
1.2002
’ve heard a number of gay men complain
that as they grow older they feel they’ve
. been rendered invisible, that gay culture
worships only youth and beauty.
Well, duh.
Lithe young bodies have been the ideal
since the beginning of recorded time. Do you
really think all Egyptians looked like those skin
ny people standing sideways in papyrus paint
ings? O f course not. Those people were like the
Abercrombie and Fitch models of their day.
It’s only natural that young gay men ignore
older gay men. Think about it: When you were in
your 20s, did you want to hang out with people
your parents’ age? Don’t lie, of course you didn’t.
But why should aging baby boomers, a gener
ation that actually survived the 1970s, care
about the opinions of a generation stupid enough
to revive them? Even if they insist on wearing
clothes from The Decade That Taste Forgot,
children should still only be seen and not heard.
To ignore the sexuality of an older person is
squandering a precious opportunity. Let’s face
it, older men know how to do it better and
longer. And you get a much better breakfast in
the morning.
A s gay men grow older they need to follow
the example of the assisted living facility in
San Francisco for elderly gays that had to shut
down because it became too much like a bath
house. Apparently there’s no substitute for a
blow job without dentures or a hand job deliv
ered by someone with Parkinson’s.
But all too often older gays will stand off at
the side, their backs against the wall so no one
can see their bald spots, instead of stripping off
their shirts and getting in the middle of the
dance floor, regardless of paunchy bellies and
hairy backs. Older men must insist on public
Invisible men
G row in g old g a y fu lly
THE GOSPEL
A CC O RD IN G
TO M A R C
b y M a r c A cito
exposure. And I don’t mean just at Mardi Gras
An aging body tells the story of your life—
the number of times you’ve smiled, the meals
you’ve eaten, the miles you’ve run, the car
accident you had, the virus you’ve survived.
And those features that don’t tell the story of
your life— inherited traits like varicose veins
and liver spots— tell the story of the
ancestors who preceded you. To
be ashamed of your balding
fr %
head or saggy jowls is a
dishonor to the
genetic material
*
c ^
that got you
here in the
first place.
Taut young bodies may be beautiful, but
they’re blank canvases on which time has not
yet painted. Perhaps that’s why so many young
sters want tattoos.
Speaking of tattooing, can 1 just say that
while they may look sexy on those taut young
bodies now, has anyone considered it’s only a
matter of time before that eagle on your chest
decides to fly south toward your waist? Just
thought I’d mention it.
Young gay guys need to stop calling older
men “trolls” and “gnomes” as if gay life were
some kind of fairy tale, but only if older men
stop calling young men “chicken” or
“twinkies,” like they’re some
kind of snack.
And if you’re
uncertain what to
call someone,
please just refer to
this handy list
I’ve prepared
for you.
The Seven Ages of Gay Men
• Teens: Gaylmgs. The term is suitably endear
ing and adorable, calling to mind little spiky-
haired goslings. If, however, you can’t resist the
charms of these youngsters, 1 urge you to continue
referring to them by their technical name: Jailbait.
• 20s: Guydols. Admit it, we treat them
like idols— let ’em enjoy those 28-inch waists
while they last. By the time middle age rolls
around, those narrow hips and broad minds
will have changed places.
• 30s: FAGS. Because they Finally Are
Grown-ups. A t this point you’re old enough to
know better but still young enough to do it
anyway. And you can usually afford a more
comfortable bed to sleep it off in.
• 40s: Queen Bees. These are our gay leaders,
because it takes that long to get anything worth
while accomplished. Particularly if you’re trying
to build consensus with lesbians.
• 50s: Gay tors. Short for gay mentors.
These are the men worth listening to, particu
larly when you’re tied to the bed.
• 6 0 s: The Hardy Boys. With drugs like
Viagra, who needs Ecstasy?
• 70s: Aw, hell, let these guys call them
selves whatever they want. They’ve earned it.
o to the older gay men reading this 1 say,
gentlemen, lead by example and show the
youngsters what it means to respect your
elders by respecting yourself.
The youngsters might just do the same.
And that, my friends, is The Gospel
According to Marc. | H
MARC A cito may look his age, but he certainly doesn’t
act it. He can be reached at marcacito@attbi.com.
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Judged Competition
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Talent
Showgirl
Sunday
March 10,2002
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