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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 1, 1991)
Jm t Asian lesbians and gays struggle to bridge cultural and sexual selves When Larry, a university student in Portland, came out to his family one sister brought up God, another "Loving from the parents” and a brother said "I'm not a human being.” by Anndee Hochman (Continued from page I) I n March 1990, Chee finally decided to act and Pacific Islander lesbians and gay men, dis on an idea he’d had for a long time—start crimination comes in both blatant and more ing a Portland group for lesbians and gay subtle forms. men like himself. Even though he worked When Nakagawa conducted door-to-door with such community endeavors as the surveys in rural areas like Philomath, people AIDS Hotline and the PAL program, he some would caution him that “If you move out here, times felt invisible in white gay culture. Once, you at could get hurt,” he recalled. When he walked the Embers, Chee met an Asian lesbian, and down the fraternity row at Oregon State University, two talked for hours about family, ethnicity, students lobbed beer bottles at him. sexual orientation and how those issues swirled “When I moved up to Portland I expected together. things to be significantly better, and they’re not,” About the same time, Lynn Nakamoto, an Nakagawa said. “The anti-Asian movement has attorney who missed the diversity of New York affected every part of the United States.” City, where she had attended law school, placed Even in progressive communities that pride an ad in Just Out for an Asian gay and lesbian themselves on tolerance, subtle anti-Asian mes potluck at her house. sages persist. Forums and discussions dealing Lim, an Indonesian who was raised in Hong with ethnic minorities may omit Asians. Cultural Kong, had heard of a group for gay and lesbian stereotypes—even those involving such positive Asians in Seattle. The same month that qualities as diligence, intelligence and self-suffi Nakamoto’s ad ran, he placed an ad seeking ciency—may work against Asians, leading oth people who were interested in starting a similar ers to ignore or dismiss their interests. group here. Nakagawa and others said people frequently A year and a half later, Asian/Pacific Islander group all those of Asian descent together, failing Lesbians and Gays claims about two dozen to distinguish between, for instance, a 23-year- people on its mailing list, although more have old Chinese student here on a temporary visa and attended the gatherings. Members span a wide a third-generation Korean-American raised in the range, from recently-arrived students struggling Bay Area. with English to fourth-generation Asian-Ameri- In the gay community, Asians may suffer a cans with roots in Japan, China, Korea, Hawaii, particular stereotype of sexual mystique. “I feel very uncomfortable about men who have a spe Malaysia, India and Indonesia. cific preference for Asians. It makes me feel like some kind of exotic trophy,” said Chee. Steps toward visibility And there are other, everyday irritations. On a smaller scale, the Portland group mirrors a similar push nationally among Asian lesbians Chee says some friends assume all Asians are and gays weary of being overlooked by a com undemonstrative and may be reluctant to hug munity that often flaunts its values of diversity him. Larry, who moved here from Hong Kong three and a half years ago, is often ignored in res and inclusion. “Unity,” said Scot Nakagawa, “is not just taurants until he flags a waiter and asks for help. "More than anything, Asians get overlooked,” about walking down the street together in a march, holding hands. When people of color say said Nakamoto, who is 31. “It’s that myth of the [to lesbians and gay men] that we need to deal ‘model’ Asian minority.” with the problem of racism, people say we’re being divisive.” Coming out of cultural bounds Few gay men and lesbians have an easy time Last October, several members of ACT UP in New .York decided to form an Asian-Pacific Is telling parents and other relatives about their lander caucus, catalyzed by such issues as the sexual orientation. But the coming-out process lack of services and education for Asian people may be particularly traumatic for Asian men and women whose cultures tend to be intensely pri with AIDS. Gay and lesbian Asian activists also re vate about sexual and emotional matters. Nearly all those interviewed—whether their sponded angrily to the plans of two New York queer organizations for benefit performances of parents were accepting or horrified by news Miss Saigon, a Broadway play that drew fire about their offspring’s sexual orientation—said from Asians when Jonathan Pryce, a white actor, part of the resolution is a tacit agreement not to discuss the matter further. was cast as a Eurasian. In Portland, according to a number of Asian Karen Fong, whose father is Chinese and whose mother is American, said her parents may have been more accepting of her lesbianism be cause their own mixed marriage challenged cul tural norms. She is certain her father knows of her sexual orientation, although she has never told him directly. “He’s stayed here with us,” she said. “He came in one day and asked me where [my lover] slept. I said, ‘In here. With me.’ My mother didn't want me to tell him.” Nakamoto, a Japanese-American raised in California’s Orange County, said her mother was “pretty upset” when she learned that her daugh ter was a lesbian. “She didn’t talk to me for quite a while. It’s still not something we talk about. My parents are quite traditional even though they were both bom here.” That traditionalism persists, even among the siblings of gay men and lesbians. Larry, 23, is a mechanical engineering student at Portland State University. He came out to his sisters and broth ers just seven months ago, when a new relation ship made it intolerable to hide his sexuality. “One of my sisters brought up God; another brought up loving from the parents. One brother said I’m not a human being,” he recalled. At the recent wedding of Larry’s sister, his aunt ap proached him with tears in her eyes and asked to have a private meeting with him; he assumes the subject will be his sexuality. “I’ve been trying to find a reason why I told them,” he said. “I have a very naive reason. If my sister can bring her boyfriend to the house, why can’t I? I can’t lie to myself. I have to tell them in order to free myself.” A language barrier—sometimes standing be tween Asian-born parents and their more assimi lated children—can further block the communi cation process. Lim, bom in Indonesia and raised in Hong Kong, said his language doesn’t even have suf ficient words to describe the concepts of same- «M it ? Ju ly 1 M 1 Y 17 lesbian] was seen as something tremendously stupid and disappointing to the family.” Chee and others find themselves hindered on all sides by secrecy and stereotypes— Asians’ myths about gays, gay and lesbian misunder standings about Asians. Because gay culture so often seems synonymous with white culture, a gay son or lesbian daughter may be regarded as a traitor, someone actively flouting ethnic heri tage as well as parental expectations. And cultural pressures to marry and raise children bear down even on those whose parents live far away. Lim and Kim, both 27, said they hesitate to get too involved in Portland’s Asian community because they would be questioned about their unmarried status and pressured to find a wife or husband. Torn between identities Many of those interviewed said they felt am bivalent about their Asian roots, unsure what as pects of their heritage to claim, not certain whether they really belong. Karen Fong, who was raised in El Paso and attended a high school that was 50 percent His panic, said she sometimes squirms when the subject of identity politics comes up. “I’m un comfortable when there’s discussion about mi nority groups. I’m not sure whether I am one or not.” Kim, adopted at the age of nine months, re members stepping off the plane on her first visit to Korea several years ago. She felt at home among hundreds of people whose features re sembled hers. But they scoffed at her when she tried a few tentative phrases in Korean or fumbled with her chopsticks. “I find myself not dealing enough with Asians," said Chee. “I separated myself from the Asian community for a long time. I feel embar rassed that I still have this internalized racism.” But he and others are trying to mend those sex love and partnership. "It’s doubly hard to inner wounds, knit their identities as Asians and come out to your parents when you don’t have a Pacific-Islanders, gays and lesbians, into a whole word for it,” he said. The A/PILG group is one attempt to create a place where it is safe to be all of who they are. Family ties hold firm And there are other efforts. Scot Nakagawa, The primacy of family in Asian cultures af through work with the Coalition for Human fects, to some degree, all the gay men and lesbi Dignity and the Asian-Pacific American Alli ans interviewed. Many preferred to use only first ance, tries to teach people how racism and homo names in this article, for a variety of reasons. phobia coincide. Some feared their U.S. vis» could be threatened. Karen Fong studies tai chi and discovered, Others were concerned that parents or relatives in through a course in Chinese philosophy, that she the area would find out. Chee worries that his has traits distinctive to her heritage, such as a efforts to work in the Asian community on issues strong work ethic and strict sense of family loy such as HIV education might be hindered if he alty. were fully, publicly out. Others will keep talking, pressing past the ‘There’s still a measure of lack of safety,” he stereotypes that surround them, because the price said. “A lot of it has to do with family honor, of silence is too high. saving face for the family.” “I would really like to have my family know “Japanese American families put a lot of I’m involved in a gay community and doing pressure on their children to excel, to succeed in things productively," said Larry. “I have no in this society,” said Nakamoto. “There’s a lot of tention to hide my enjoyment.” emphasis on loyalty. So [my coming out as a