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About The west shore. (Portland, Or.) 1875-1891 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 1, 1876)
THE WEST SHORE. Febi ruary. 2 WOMEN AS KNOW NOTHINGS. Mrs F. F. Victor. I wonder if the woman who grasps her closed parasol in the middle, and when he sits down beside us in a car, or else where, threatens our eyes with the pointed end, is a mother-in-law? I ask for inform ation, because it is currently believed that this class of persons do all the disagreea ble things that are suffered by luckless benedicts. The woman who looks dag gers at another passenger for prcsumingto sit anywhere near her ruffles and flounces, is so evidently on the road to be one, that 1 need not inquire about her; nor about lhat woman who on entering any public conveyance immediately proceeds to put into the hands of her children cakes, fruits, and candies, with which they smear them selves and their neighbors. It is still less 'necessary to ask concerning the woman who carries a pet dog about with her, to to the disgust of every one that happens to be in her vicinity. These last two things are diabolical enough for the most Satanic of mother-in-laws. There are without doubt many more of these odious practi ces that never would have come in vogue but for the fact lhat men's wives have mothers; and that these mothers insist on taking an interest in the wives and children of their sons-in-law. When I consider what a stupendous fail ure woman is, in every relation of life, and especially in that of legal mother to her daughters husband, I am overwhelmed with despair, and ready to become an Ad- ventist, or any other evenl-ist that might promise to remove the sex bodily out of the world comfortably too, in decent robes, and angels' wings. If we stay here much longer we may have to go to our cremation, without waiting for the death of our husbands, as the Hindoo widows do. We shall only be permitted to wait until the marriage of our daughters, when, be ing of no further consequence being, in lad, the family's closet skeleton our "funeral baked meats shall furnish forth the marriage feast" of our sons-in-law, in onlcr that the threatening ghost of the mother-in-law may be forever laid, and daughter's hiisbandsjuay 'live in a state of security, Happy, in that day, will be the mother of sons only, for she will be held sacred; and daughters-in-law will be forced to allow her to administer catnii-tea, and look after the disbursement of the house keeping fund without remonstrance; anil more than all, she will never lie named by the infelicitous apjicllalion of mother-in-law, that belongs only to those unhappy women who have neglected to strangle their girl-lnhics in die cradle, and thereby have incurred, through an unfortunate chain of circumstances, this fearful blame. Hut to return to the urasil whatever does make an awkward woman so pecu liarly awkward with that dangerous weapon, an umbrella? 'IV kirasol may be fairly considered an index to civilisation in the way it is handled. There are as many shades of difference in earn ing this ins table thatch as you may find strata in so ciety; and it is not the "recent deiosit" thai nourishes ii in jieople's faces, lly recent deposit, I mean of course, the "up per crust ;" and by this you will understand thai 1 think those who do it arc from the (villiferous stratas; and I wish they would take notice not fo worn- dignified gentlc 'men, and petulant journalists, in lhat way in the fulure. I if course it is because Ihcy do not know any Wtler; but it is quite lime they did; and lhat is just the reason I am taking ihem to lask about it. Hill there are so many things that wo men do lux know, that ihcy nnto know! 1 do not blame thera lor lieing ignorant of common law, or the plainest rules of health, or the simplest principles of me diates; lorihe priiilcge to know these things men arrogate to themselves. I do not exactly blame tlie w oman ho gives up to an old triend ol her dead husband liis unpaid note, upon the representation that "it is all right; the note is of no conse quence, but he will pay it in aweek or two; just let him have it now to save bother," etc., etc. I do not, as I say, quite feel like reproaching her for being the simplest creature alive; and certainly no body is to blame for being simple. And similarly no man is to blame for being a scoundrel; because, probably he just "growed so" as Topsy did, or the Pomeroy boy; and nat ural scoundrels ought not to be so severe ly dealt with as artificial ones. Anybody can sec the force of this proposition, with half an eye to the interestsof society. The law of love, in favor in society at pres ent, judges it wiser and better to let a good many simple or innocent people be victim ized by robbers and murderers, rather than for these few unfortunates to be put out of society's way It is expected that a great reform is to be accomplished by kindly al lowing the criminally inclined to do as their impulses direct them, and compelling the honest and safe part of the community to pay the expenses incident to the indul gence of their abnormal propensities. It is also hoped, that by encouraging depraved instincts in the parents, a virtuous prog eny will klcss the future; on the principle, no doubt, that "the hair of the same dog cures the bite." And I leel a sort of hesitancy in express ing my opinion of that woman who now gets her bread by doing odd jobsfor house keepers, because she was credulous enough to think she must put her name to certain papers presented by a villainous lawyer, who lives by hunting up titles, and watch ing lor the decease of the owners of valua ble lots. This industrious individual clearly cams his right to widow's estate by looking after it so closely as to know all about it : and how is the widow to know but all lawyers arc alike, and the word of each one is law ? Still, though I have not denied this man's right to acquire proper ty by getting unsuspecting women to sign it away; or by lerrcting out flaws in titles that have never been disputed, soon , after the death of the owner; and frightening the widow into paying him a magnificent bonus for making cventhing safe ( ? ) I have a sort of unpleasant conviction thai the woman is to blame for being such a ninny. I have an impression in a general way, that if these women had not been sat isfied to be childishly ignorant, they need not have been. Again, when a poor woman, with sev eral children to support, puis all her money into stocks, and leaves the certificates in the hands of a broker w ho in failing fails also to account for the stock, I do not blame the broker oh no I I simply think "what a silly woman I" Of course the broker knows that she is silly, and be ing mortal, prefers 'wronging her, to en countering the wralh of some big-fisted man and broker. It would not do to be too hard on the broker; and I choose, in any case 10 be severe on the weaker par ty. It is safer. And therefore I say all these victiinucd poor women ought to be ashamed of themselves for being victimized. I'crlus ignorance of the rules of bus iness is less culpable, in our sex, than ig norance of parasol handling and other con ventionalities; but then il is really more fatal to our pecuniary interests, and ought therefore to be avoided. We may lie w il ling, ourselves, to drudge in other people' "cre only a babe should be, is more houses for a lure subsistence, while some man enjoys our money; but the thought less outside world cannot forgive our hav ing such tad taste and the world is quite right we ought not to be forgiven. There are certain other minor sins of ignorance that we commit, and for which we desen-c and receive the maledictions and contempt of man; and on account of which they dislike to do business for us or wilh us. In the first place women, from the habit of their lives, which is to alwavs be doing something iliat has neither be ginning nor end, do not understand the value of time as applied to stated pursuits; therefore they allow themselves to be es timated as bores, for trespassing without re flection upon the time of those business persons, men or women, who can ill afford to spend their working hours in idle talk. The reproach often applied to our sex, that we have tongues "hung in the middle and wagging at both ends," does not come so much from the fact that we talk on an average more than men, as that we talk more inconsequently. I do not know any thing more tiresome, myself, than talk that means nothing talk just for talk's sake. Yet women think one of their own sex unsocial and unkind who is not wil ling to listen and reply to meaningless re marks that break in upon what else might be a train of thought, but being constantly interrupted never reaches the dignity of thought at all. I have seen women who evidently considered it their duty, the non performance of which would amount to a serious breach of good manners, to har angue a roomful of people, though in the effort to perform this labor they had to go over ever topic in their personal experience, from their childhood to the teething of their last baby. This style of talk it can not be called conversation when carried into the business places of men, who have a certain amount of work to accomplish in a given time becomes even more irritat ing than it is in the home-place. Another trait of women is, that not know ing anything, or at best very little about any kinds of business outside of the house, when they come to have any to perform, they are in the plight of children desiring to read without knowing the alphabet; and being conscious of their ignorance, and of the opportunity it furnishes for imposi tions by the unscrupulous, and errors on their own part, are in an uncomfortable and uncertain state of mind about it that leads them to pursue a vascillating course very annoying totheir advisors. The fickle ness of purpose arising from doubt, is even more tolerable, however, than that foolish assurance that comes from having learned a little of something and mistaken that lit tle for the essence of the whole matter. A flipnt, vain, boastful, ignorant woman, is a scourge to the patience of everybody, but particularly men's, because they have a traditional dislike to independence in women that makes it of the highest im portance we should know well and thorough ly whatever we assume to know. Men will not accept a woman in a man's place who only can do as well as the man; she must do better, in order.to furnish him wnn an excuse to himself for allowing her to do at all. Ifis not a sufficient rea son to him that we nad anything. He is accustomed lo hear that women are needy and accustomed to see them depend on chance for llicir supplies. It is some thing that he docs not feel like meddling with; and if you should foolishly demand his good offices on the ground that you are a woman, very likely he issaving in hisheart. "no business to have been a woman!" To put on vain, half-conceited and half-defiant airs of knowing things that it is not possible wilh your small experience you should know thoroughly, is only to con demn yourselves to utter disrespect; and I think that the greasy and sticky hands of your darlings applied to their broadcloth, or inc sight of your poodle in the place s tol erable than Ihc foolish assumption of be ing wliat you clearly arc not, in ihc busi ness ranks of soriiir Y trust no woman ennstnm mv -.i. cisms upon the inefficiency, the bad taste or the w ant of method in the habits of some, as a reflection upon all, or as in any sense an effort to discourage her. Not at all. I love women; and now that I have said it, I wonder il it strikes vou as oddlv and as strongly as the same avowal once struck me .' It is not so very long ago that a ,au wun wnom 1 chanced to converse upon some topic affecting the in- terests of our sex, expressed a desire to do something for a certain helpless class : for said she, "I love women I" I had so often found that women loved only men, and rarpil nothing- for each other, that this sud den assertion of one woman quite startled me. There were two ot us then, who cared as much about our own sex as the other? who would stand by our own tm mergencics ? No wonder I was startled For I see every dav about me the 'evi- dences of an unreasoning devotion to men on the part of women; andean only bear with it patiently because 1 know it is the sin of ignorance, and unconscious obedience to custom. You have only to read the Police Court reports in the daily papers to learn to what an extent this servility of the lower classes of women is carried. These same women would not perjure themselves, very likely, for their own daughters; but the most brutal of men thev will : and for other men to praise their devotion is reward enough. A story in the Ovirhnd Monthly for August, called a "Little Woman" is ( I hope ) a fictitious example of the same kind. As if there could be anv glory in prostrating one's soul before a traitor and a criminal I Hut you do not have to go outside of your own circle of observation to find examples enough, It begins with the favoritism that teaches the girl of the family to wait upon and obey her brother; and it continues in the ex culpation of the boy for faults that would Dnng the girl under severe criticism, if not punishment. It allows the young man to "sow wild oats" with hardly a protest; and the elder man to violate every sacred ob ligation with impunity. It makes mothers care for and support worthless sons, as they never would equally worthless daugh ters; and it causes the wives to drink the cup of sorrow and degradation to the lees, rather than.break'with their husbands. It ' may be argued that the pecuniary depend ence of women upon men accounts for this in a large degree. Granting that, it does not account for all of it, nor for the fatuity with which women, pecuniarily inucpenaent ot men, still devote themselves to the most undeserving. It is the result of long ages of imperfect moral training and complete domination of intellect, to gether with physical dependence. There is a poetic side even to such moral ignorance as this. Undvimr lovn and undying devotion are beautiful in them selves, and when applied to worthy objects become heroic. But a woman is hardlv excusable, on the ground of these hirrh virtues, for degrading herself. The virtues men Decome loul vices that no white souled woman can countenance and retain her purity. And my doctrine is this : You must first be true to yourself before your devotion to another is morally of any con sequence. A woman may not know how to handle her parasol uracefullv how m take leave seasonably, nor how a business transaction should be conducted; and on these merely conventional circumstances may fail to take rank wilh the ilili. How, then, if such trifles are not patent every where, can it be expected that the nicer and weightier points of true morality and refined religion should be commonly understood ? I am aware tliat the trosoel of irush en courages the association of the pure with the impure for the sinner's sake; but I do not believe in it. The old saying that "you cannot touch pitch without full of homely pertinency. The moment mat you join hands, ever so lightly, with any unworthy person, that momnt m lose more than the other gains. The late Brooklyn trial furnished sufficient evidence of this truth. Had the that trial if, indeed, there was an inno cent party-totally refused from the first any partnership in the guilty secret with the other; had Mrs. Tilton refill in li fer her husband, or her husband refused to lie (or her, as the case mav he: fiA,t Mm.l. ton declined to be made the repository of