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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 2, 2000)
Forgotten Film TRANSFORMERS: THE MOVIE Two reporters banter about the films you may not remember or are trying to forget you ever saw . Featuring voices of: Judd Nelson, Leonard Nimoy, Eric Idle and Orson Welles In life, there are certain univer sal truths: Gravity will make things fall at the same speed, the sun sets in the west, and if you were a little boy in the mid-’80s you watched the Trans formers. If for some reason, didn’t watch the Transformers, you are obviously breaking the laws of physics and shouldn’t exist. Commentary Mason West & Josh^msA Now that we’ve gotten rid of any people who won’t have a clue what we’re talking about, on to the re view: “Transformers: The Movie,” is the culmination of the epic bat tle between the heroic Autobots and the evil Decepticons. In the movie, the Autobots have been forced off their home planet of Cybertron by the De cepticons and they are staging a rebellion from several moon bases and a base here on Earth. In possibly the coolest battle of the movie, Optimus Prime, the Auto bot leader, is killed by Megatron, the Decepticon leader. Mason: It was very sad. Josh: As a kid, I always wondered: when Optimus Prime changed from the trailer truck into the robot, where did his trailer go? That kept me up nights because Icouldn’t figure it out. But Megatron doesn’t get away unscathed; he is one small step from death’s door himself. In a rebellion by his subordinates, he is jettisoned into space and left for dead. But Unicron, a giant thing capable of destroying Unicron. Through all of this, there is our young hero, Hot Rod, voiced by Judd Nelson, who is destined to save the day. He is the embodiment of the American spirit. He’s a hot rod, for cryin’ out loud. f Other vocal talent in the film in cludes Leonard Nimoy as Galva tron, Eric Idle as Wreck-Gar, and Or son Welles as Unicron. iviusuii: n. niue known fact is that while Unicron is dying, if you turn the volume up re ally high, you can hear him saying “Rosebud. ” Josh: Mason, the depths to which you will sink for a bad joke contin ue to surprise me. This movie is ter rible in that really great way. There is hardly an orig inal thought in the movie. Gal vatron is a direct rip-off of Marvel Comics’ Galac tus, there Bryan Dixon Emerald are many parallels with Star Wars,” and even though it was re enormous power who eats planets, summons Megatron and gives him a new body with new pow ers. Megatron is reborn as Galvatron and goes on a mission to capture the matrix, a relic possessed by the leader of the Autobots that is passed down through generations, and it’s the only leased more than 15 years later, we are convinced that they got the whole matrix thing from 1999’s “The Matrix.” The plot and dialogue are also so bad that it’s painfully funny. Just look: “Now all we need is a little ener gon, and a lot of luck. ” — Optimus “I’ve got better things to do Bad taste overpowers book’s humor ■‘Mall’ lacks tact in attempt to add comedy to a plot involving a public shooting Eric Bogosian‘Mall’ Simon & Schuster By Josh Ryneal Oregon Daily Emerald It seems inevitable with the rash of incidents involving gunmen shooting up a public place, be it a post office or a school, that some one would write a novel about it. Eric Bogosian, with his first novel, “Mall,” takes on this sticky subject but tries to infuse a little humor into the situation. Not a good idea. You would think that a plot yanked from those kinds of head lines would either be a satire or a pot-boiler thriller, but Bogosian chooses to take the middle ground between them and comes up with a sticky, superficial mess. The story revolves around five obsessive characters who collide at a local suburban mall: Mai, the speed freak who kills his mother, sets his house on fire and travels to the most populated place he can find with a bag of automatic weapons in tow; Danny, a success ful middle-age businessman with a frigid wife and a penchant for Sears lingerie catalogs; Jeff, a wannabe suburban Rastafarian who embarks on a disastrous acid trip; Donna, a hungry, oversexed housewife with a “dead trout” for a husband and a flair for exhibitionism; and Michel, a Haitian immigrant who takes his job as a mall security guard to the extreme in an attempt to block out the pain of his wife’s death. Bogosian tries to manipulate his characters into situations that illus trate the hollow and spiritually empty underside of suburbia but really only succeeds in exposing the shallowness of his characters. He takes the easy road with Mai, who comes off as a one-note lunatic whose motivations for going on his rampage are never really clear (ex cept for the drugs). Jeff and Donna don’t really resonate well as believ able denizens of Bogosian’s world, and Michel is a mere skeleton, fleshed out only by a few flash backs to give the reader any clue why he pursues Mai with such dogged intensity. Danny is the only one who comes off as having any kind of complexity, but that’s only in comparison to the others. The humor in “Mall” leaves something to be desired, especial ly after the wake of recent school shootings. A madman’s shooting up a mall is not the most effective stage for comedy of any sort, but Bogosian brushes by this consider ation by giving us the most ludi crous situations at the most inop portune times. Look, it’s Danny handcuffed in the back of an aban doned police cruiser as a socio pathic teenager attempts to rape him! Oh my, Jeff is picked up by Donna and carted off to a Best Western, where he proceeds to have a psychedelic freakout during a sweaty intercourse session! It’s moments like these that under mine Bogosian’s attempts to make any real social commentary and re duce his book to the equivalent of an auto accident. Parts of “Mall” exhibit some flair. Bogosian turns an occasional lyrical phrase and manages to mine a bit of genuine human emotion, but these parts are scattered throughout the book. You would think that the win ner of numerous playwright awards could come up with something a lit tle better than this. While the book isn’t totally irre deemable, Bogosian can’t quite pull off his sweeping critique of subur bia, the media and consumer cul ture in general. While trying to make his characters’ respective emptiness stand for something, he only succeeds in hollowing out the emotional core of his book. tonight than die.” — Springer, one of Hot Rod’s Autobot friends. “I’ll rip out your optics!” — Megatron “Tell my son I’m coming home as soon as we kick Megatron’s tail across the galaxy.” — Spike, a hu man friend of the Autobots. Even thought the movie has all these things going against it, we still loved it. Something about that child hood bond makes us foigive any short comings. If the new Pokemon genera tion were to see this movie, they would probably gag from boredom. Not to mention that half the audi ence would start having seizures be cause of the fast cuts and flashing lights that permeate the film. Josh: I just don’t have the short at tention span I had when I was 8.1 really needed a huge box of candy for a sugar rush. But the Transformers represent such mythic characters in the minds that they helped shape. It will take much more than these things to turn us away. Plus, we love that Trans forming sound. You know, the sound they make when they change shape. Man, that takes you back. Mason: Yeah. Josh: (making the noise) Chur chur churl Kind of like the $6 mil lion man. We give this movie three stars. However if you still don’t know who the Transformers are, you shouldn’t have read this far and you shouldn’t see this movie. Your puny minds would probably collapse. Mason West and Josh Ryneal are Pulse re porters for the Emerald. Free Workshop on Palun Gong jp=-alun Gong is a powerful cultivation system. Originated in China, it promotes improvement of * the mind and physical body based on the principle of Truthfulness-Benevolence-Forbearance. Time: Saturday, November 4lh, 2000 from 2 to 5 pm Place: Westmoreland Area Office Community Room, 2055 lb"' Way For information call Zibing at 345-3919 or email zibingxie@yahoo.com Slow-moving exercises along with tranquil sitting meditation Suitable for all ages Easy to learn Stress relief Promotes phsyical health, spiritual growth and enlightenment All is free nina gordon (formerly of Veruca Salt) with PALO ALTO November 9 • 9pm The Wild Duck Music Hall
