Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1981)
Cord-ially yours, E.J. Police are investigating reports that the tree that crushed law school dean Derrick Bell's car last night was taken from a nearby Errant Jones lumberyard. Jones earlier threatened to clear-cut the University grounds if the University's Environ mental Law Clinic continued to oppose his efforts to have a radioactive lumber waste facility built in the West University Neighborhood. Contacted by the Immorald, Jones said, "Give me a fucking break." Immorald photo IFC funds new campus prostitutes union By TALL PELLETS Ol the Immorald University students will have in-house prostitutes for the first time next year, the Incredible Fools Committee decided Tuesday night. Committee members voted 5-1 to give the new Prostitutes Union $25,890 for the 1981-82 year. Susan Harrass abstained from the vote when she ran screaming from the room. Although Muley Trail, the lone dis senting member, questioned the appro priation on moral grounds, other com mittee members seemed more interested in the whores' practical value to lonely students. “This makes me want to stay in law school another year,” said IFC chairer Yawn Needstotalk, licking the hair from his palms. “I just hope my wife doesn’t find out.” A PU spokeswoman, who would iden tify herself only as the “Sappy Hooker,” defended the group as a cultural en deavor. She said the union would raise most of its own funds, becoming less of a drain on incidental fee funds as it develops. She also asked for EMU office space. Committee member Bitchard Bombast suggested that enough “office space" could be made available by converting the Immorald suite into a brothel, but committee members who have continu ing political ambitions rejected the no tion. In other business, committee members stuck their tongues out to the Rendering Education Substantially Trivial program. Representatives of REST, which has been holding organizational meetings once a week for the past ten years with out getting anything started, said the program needs the money in order to continue getting meaningless, "REST ful” credits for students. “Students need some nonsensical credits in order to survive,” the repre sentatives said. “Give them a fucking break.” However, the committee said the group would duplicate the services of several other campus groups and denied the request. The REST representatives promised to come back next year with an offer of meaningless credits for committee members. Childcare center bans leg-hold traps By ANN SINKHOLE Of th* Immorald Charging the EMU childcare coordinator with using ‘‘barbar ic, inhumane methods of disci pline,” the 11-member Parent Advisory Committee voted Friday to ban leg-hold traps from both the EMU Childcare Center and Child Care and Development Center. “This was an issue we could really sink our teeth into,” said parent Lila Brown. ‘‘They’re maiming our cute, cuddly little r kids." Yawn Needstotalk, the student-government represen tative on the advisory commit tee, said he has studied the problem carefully and can fully understand the position of the parents. "There's no doubt in my mind that I understand what the par ents said," Needstotalk said. Childcare coordinator Ricky Kitty denied the parents’ allega tions. "There is no mistreatment of children at either of my "Everything from Cheerios to high interest rates is a communist plot," Joe Vinist, of the Reactionary Capitalist Youth Brigade, shouted as he burned a copy of the Revolu tionary Communist Party’s "Revolutionary Worker” new spaper on the EMU Terrace Tuesday afternoon. Vinist said the burning was a protest of the arrest of him and three other RCYB members on arson charges stemming from an alleged attempt to bum a sociology professor in the EMU Ballroom during a radical teach-in. centers," she said. "The traps are checked every hour.” Arguing to retain the traps, Kitty cited statistics showing that 97 percent of the children caught by the traps suffered no permanent disability. Kitty said the traps were adopted after a lengthy study by her staff revealed that traps are the most cost-effective, pro gressive method of childcare available. "Drugs are far too expensive, and produce side-effects that last after the children go home,” she said. "The parents com plain.” Needstotalk said the staff's study does indeed indicate the viability of using leg-hold traps. ‘‘I sincerely believe that’s what the study does show,” he said. Presenting the request to the EMU Board, Brown requested the ban take effect some time during spring term. During discussion of the request, EMU Board member Job Hoots rapped the table and asked, “What's all this I hear about lego blocks?” Informed that the discussion centered Satire writers give up, refuse to fill this space Immorald writers gave up Tuesday night, deciding there is “no way in hell" they can fill this four-inch hole with something funny. “I’m burned out,” said as sociate editor Tall Pellets. “I’ve spent three days in a row editing this rag, and I've wrung my mind of wit." Coordinator Mike Leech ad mitted that using this story was “a cop-out,” but said "Give me a fucking break" just to get in one more dig at legislator Max Lichen. The other associate editor, Mi Krust, was in Coos Bay and un available for comment. ...atut to t6iH& cue met OK €Ut (* t6t 'Imttt&itUaC abound leg-hold traps, not lego blocks, Hoots said, “Oh. I’m sorry. Never mind." The board postponed a deci sion on the issue, directing the parents to suggest an alterna tive form of control. "We don’t want to make any snap judgments on such a touchy issue,” said board chairer Greg Rutting. Commending the board for postponing the decision, Need stotalk said deciding to post pone the decision was probably a good decision. "I will certainly abide by the EMU Board’s decision, because I just voted for it,” he said. KINKY’S $4 Self Service4* COPULATES • Furry animals • Brass doorknobs • Football players 345-8996 96 N. 96th r A Spring GeekARush Begins Friday — Bring your chickens! Sponsored by the Interred Fraternity Council II you can read this you're too close
