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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 7, 1978)
Cosmos botch orbit marathon EDMONTON, Alberta — (AP) Two Soviet Union Cosmonauts emerged unharmed from a partially submerged space capsule and de manded political asylum from the Canadian government early Friday. The cosmonauts, Ricky Ricardinsky, 23, and Simon Wiesenthal, 62, asked the Canadian Government for politi cal asylum only after they landed in the middle of frozen Big Bare Lake during an unsuccess ful re-entry into the earth’s atmosphere. The space capsule they were riding in, The Sezwho II, had been in orbit since 1968 and was scheduled to touch down in the snows of Kilimanjaro early next decade, according to Soviet authorities. The authorities denied reports that the two cosmonauts were being used to set a new record for the most years in orbit. According to Royal Canadian Mounted Police, who arrested the cosmonauts for litter ing the Big Bare Lake park with space junk, the cosmonauts emerged from the capsule asking to be taken to Grant’s Tomb or the Empire State Building. "When they jumped out they started hailing a taxi,” a police spokesman said. "It took us thirty minutes to convince them that they weren’t in downtown New York City during rush hour.” According to sources at the Langley, Vir ginia Central Intelligence Agency headquar ters, the cosmonauts primary target was down town New York City during the morning rush hour “From what we can gather, they wanted to land near 42nd street so they could catch a porno movie before they asked for asylum,” the source said. Canadian officials are not commenting on the connection between a recent baby harp seal attack and the cosmonauts’ defection, but the CIA source said the two were definitely related. "We re working on the possibility of a con nection between the two incidents and a recent flood in South America,” the source said. “We’re also not ruling out the possibility of some sort of Cuban connection here.” -Globe at a gape Will Ham get off the hook? WASHINGTON — (AP) The White House Thursday released a 338-page leather bound book, 11,000 feet of film and 16 tape recording discs all intended to clear Hamilton Jordan of any improprieties during a recent incident in a local bar. Jordan, Pres. Jimmy Carter’s chief counsel, denies he was drunk and all allegations that he: • fondled a woman’s breast and ripped off her dress when she refused his advances. • swung from the chandelier — nude. • put a lampshade on his head. • hung the bartenders’ suit up on a hook — with the bartender still in it. • made passes at Amy Carter. • replacing the cream in Jimmy’s Oreos with soap • lusted for Aunt Lillian Carter said, “I have complete faith in Ham ... as long as he stays away from Rosalynn.” _ ' — ■ Big Foot lectures on surviving tourism SOUTH BEND, Ind. (AP) — Less than two months since he came out of hiding, Sasquatch, or, as laymen know him, Big Foot, began a three-month lecture cir cuit tour at the University of Notre Dame Thursday morning. The creature, who now prefers to be addressed by his real name, Heinrick Mantooth, lectured to about 35,000 spectators Thurs day morning on the Pacific North west. Mantooth used slides taken while on the run from squatch hun ters and plaster cast footprints of nis human pursuers to prove to the audience that no intelligent life could live in Hood River, Oregon. 'kitirk-kir-kirkiriririr'k'k-k-kirir Mantooth came out of hiding less than two months ago follow ing the capture of his cousin in connection with a human nose found in a trash container in Hood River, a community along the Col umbia River that is inhabited by “migrant truck drivers and feeble-minded CB radio buffs,” he said. An exclusive interview with Mantooth appeared last Fall in a prominent Northwest newspaper, The Oregon Daily Emerald. The interview said Mantooth was tired of running and was consider "ig re tiring to New York City where he and his family would start a de licatessen in the Bronx. kit kit it it it it it it it it it irk it it it Harp seals stage attack NEWFOUNDLAND, Nova Scotia (AP) — More than 180,OCX) three-week old baby harp seals viciously attacked eight Canadian fishermen in their ice-bound whal ing ship off the Canadian East Coast, Canadian authorities said Friday. The fishermen, who were armed with only converted ax handle clubs, managed to escape injury by beating the baby seals to death during the attack, au thorities said. According to Capt. Johann Slaughterous, 26, the vessel’s commander, the baby seals at tacked over a period of three months while the ship’s eight crew members were asleep. Most of the attacking seals were killed by clubbing, Slaughterous said, but several thousand retreated to their mothers and had to be dub bed several miles from the vessel. Although the body count for the seals has been set at dose to 180,000, Canadian authorities fear more attacks in the future and are flying in a residual force of fisherman armed with ax-handle clubs to ward off any other at tempts. “We will defend our fishermen at all costs,” Canadian Premier Pierre Hugo told reporters Friday after the first seal attack. “These seals must learn that it will take more than a pretty white coat to protect them from our brave defenders of the north.” Authorities have authorized the removal of all 180,000 seal skins to be used as food substitutes for emerging Third World nations, Hugo said. k'k'k'k'k'k'kitirk'k'kirk'k'k'k »¥*»¥*****»»»*»»»»»»»**»*»*»»*»»• Paid for by the American Indecision Party **★★★★★★★* T777 DOOCATCHIR "People are Important" BOB WOULD OREGON'S NEXT Leading Oregon Forward Again
