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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (May 21, 1951)
“You girls must S' fte getting careless about pulling the shades—Worthal is setting up his bleachers again.” Don't Gag—It's Merely SDX This is the,SDX edition of the Emerald. It is a gag edition, and not to be taken seriously. We say this, every year, ‘ in the hope of fewer and less expensive libel suits. Just as surely as tomorrow wjjd come, so will letters con demning the edition as not worthy of the professional journal ism fraternity, and not worthy of the Emerald. And just as surely, today there will be people who laugh at today s edition. —H.A. Forces of Reaction at Work Again The University today passed: (1) Regulation against religious students dating beer-drink ers (a tragedy, since everybody has to be religious until 4 p.m. nowadays anyway), (2) Regulation against dumb students dating smart students (eliminates chanc® of football players getting his signals cross ed with Shakespeare and telling opponent: A plague and a pox on thee, pithy one). (3) Regulation against boys dating girls (Ye Gods! Look at what we’re left with.) (4) Regulation against living, (no comment.) Thoughts of the Editor and Her Associates Let us look at this problem cooly, and let us not sensational ize.—A.H. Let’s give ’em holy hell!—D.S. (fired winter term.) The world situation, chum, is glum.—T.K. Ereak your civilization like a piece of bread, competition is your knife.—S.F. (recalled to active duty, USMC, winter term.) Life on this campus can sometimes be very funny, but it is not easy always to dig up material.—K.M. The value of some groups such as Heads of Houses is ques tionable. So is the value of some heads.—J.P. The StrangeCase of the Girl Across theHall If you’re a typical University of Oregon student, you prob ably looked with interest upon the search in each men’s living organization for the typical Oregon woman -the girl across the hall in your house. This search was instigated by an edit asking you to consider as a typical Oregon student the “girl across the hall in your house.” Response, in letters we unfortunately were unable to print because the post office has regulations concerning what can and cannot be sent through the mails, was tremendous from the men who wanted to know who in their house was keeping a girl. The administration, egged by the Oregon mothers and SSRL (Sensible' Sex Relations League), felt the girl must be found. However, no such girl was found. She was elusive. Not even the men in the room across the hall in your house would admit that the girl was ever there._ THE DAILY ... to the student who, during Junior Weekend, got tapped for no honoraries, received no scholarships, no certificates, cups or awards of any kind. And how the hell did you man age it? THE OREGON LEMON... to the University administration for trying to perpetuate the fraud that they are running an educational institution. . . » s i k 11 m m t m f * *«". *» a f: M t i I« » »11111 i --—Bogged Down Three More Weeks of This Hell And 111 Be a Free Man at Last With Abnorm Anderson It's about over, friends. Fel low seniors, and those who won't he here next year because of the service or disciplinary commit tee, we’ve had it. (This last refers particularly to those who won't be here bacause of the discipli nary committee.) Soon we’ll leave our alma mater- dear old Legit Critic Queen Role Demanding By John Jones "Flo of the Fifteen Minutes,” a play about a common trollop who wanted to be everyone's queen, opened up to an eager all male audience in the very very intimate theater last night. Pelva Rejohn, graduate stu dent in hygiene, played the lead role—the only female part in a large cast. A quick success tpn of men, each appearing on stage for 15 minutes, more or less, gave ttfe star support. The play was written in blank verse (pantomime) by Hacks well Sandyson, white-haired hope for the last 50 years of the mod ern American theater. He has written two other plays about Queens, to make up a triology - "Queen for a Night," a tragedy of a bed-ridden woman, and "Gyp sy, Queen of Queens,” a teasing satire that strips from woman hood all superficialities. The production given by the theater was interesting. All char acters sat around on stage read ing aloud the pantomime instruc tions. There were no sets, no props, no costumes. “This has saved us four weeks of rehearsal time,” stated direc tor Boreus YooHoo Sparrowpa, king of the theater. "Besides,” he added with malice aforethought, "why waste time with Sandyson’s plays; after we work on them all we get is bad reviews.” * * » To move from the legitimate theater to its bastard offspring— the movies, I find that there are excellent films at every theater in town. Those that are not in tech nicolor are in black and white. -SDX Second Round Famous quotations of fa mous people: Barbara Stevenson: We women have our points. USA to AGS: Drop Dead. AGS to USA: Why should I, you already are. Gen. MacArthur: Old sold iers never die. Harry Newburn: One’s own friends are one’s own busi ness. Disciplinary Committee: Unless he’s an athlete, and she complains to the office of student affairs. Barry Mountain to Kxuc Council: Gee, people, 1 feel awful tonight. If I’m a little slow forgive me. Warren C. Price at 10 to the hour: Just give me five minutes more. Paul S. Dull: You didn’t do too well on this test, I don’t know ... it was probably my fault. (Tear runs down his cheek). • Bruce Wallace: I do not choose to run. Bill Carey: My platform is you. Oregon. Soon our college days will be behind us. No more, thank God, will things be realities, just memories. And it's about time. I've waited four years to get out of this rat race, and once I've left I won’t ever come back. Yeah, dear old Oregon. Remember ... Those hot, stuffy, sticky days you went up on the McKenzie to cool off? You lay around on the bank with the swent sloshing down your sided, and you can't go anywhere near the water be cause it’s so damn cold you'd freeze. If you do go in the river, you get chilled and spend the rest of spring term in the infir mary. Or maybe you go out to Kern Ridge the water's warmed by the three-inch thick mud on the bottom, which hides broken glass. Remember . . . The mill race, that sluggish stinking sewer thut slups slowly by near the campus. We worked like dogs to get it back, and now it's not good for anything. What a smell it's a wonder the trees along its banks haven't rotted. Remember . . . Good old term papers assign ed Friday of Junior Weekend and due the next Monday. Term pa pers that by r.o stretch of the im agination e, uld ever possibly be conceived to be enjoyable. Remember . . . The walls of Baylors tnd the Top dirty, grimy walls that get painted once a year, maybe. Walls that will be nostagically revived at Homecoming, only if you’re stupid enough to come down for homecoming. Remember . . . Homecoming the noise pa rade which gives you a double hangover. You've got a head that feels like its full of drummers to begin with, then you shout and scream, especially loud as you go by where you think the judges are. Remember . . . Closing hours? You just get going when you’ve got to quit, and really go. All the niceties of life are abruptly broken by the flicking of a porch light. Remember . . . The weekend of the game in Portland—or Berkeley or Los An geles or Seattle. No more such weekends hell no, now you'll be living in Portland or Seattle or Los Angeles. Every weekend a game weekend. Whoopee! Yeah, I'll miss Oregon like I miss poison. » Tradition Bites Dustt r.~r . r' .i Mortar Hoard I’rrildrrt Hetty M. Tight poses in the costume she will wear when she leads the sen ior honorary’s tapping proees slonal. "To liell with tradition," Hetty shouted front Itehlnd a cigarette, “Who w lints to he draped In a black rots-. It’s about time wo girls showed the campus that we’ve g<it something besides brains, tiraduation Is near, and only three of our members got irturriod this year. You should l«> aide to get more at college than a diploma." The traditional red rose is be ing replaced by a baton. Kxplain ed Miss Tight, “If we're going to tap the girls we might as well do It In a big way.” -SDX Letters I Forced Students to Write Dearest: I am a disappointed man. I didn't get tupped by an honorary. There are only a few of ua left. In order to prevent ourselves . from being outcast, I hereby do announce my honorary which will include all students who are not members of honoraries. We shall be divided into classes: Senior women will bo called .Martyr Hoarders, and men Roost ers; Juniors will la* called J*hl The-, atrix and Droops; And the sophomores Hul Ku wamas and the Boneheads. Editor’s note: See Dally *E\ Signed, Uttle Spoke. 1%e Oiboom Daily Rmrialo published Monday through Friday during the college year vcept Oct. 30; Dec. 5 through Jan. 3: Mar 6 through 28; May 7; Nov. 2z through 27: and after May 24, with isues on Nov. 4 and May 12, by the Arocigted Students of the university »f Oregon. Entered as second class matter at the postoffice, Eugene, Oregon. Subscription rates: $5 per school year; $2 per term. SDX EDITION Sigma i),.Ha ('111 Emerald Staff Don A. Smith, Grand High Exulted Supremo Editor of the Universe Phil Bettens, Supreme Mystle Managing Editor of the Green Jewel John Barton, Grand and High Ruler of Universe S|>ort!ng Page Supreme Mystic Knights and Potentates of New*: Walt Graydon, Ken Metzler, Rodger Eddy, Don Dewey, Abbott Paine. i (irand, Glorious, Exalted, Unsurpassed Royal Readers of the Copy Desk I Wally McClain, Tom Ja<|ueK, Worthy and IRgii Contributing Knights Of Information: Gene Rose, Bill Clothier, Stan Turnbull,
