“You girls must
S'
fte getting careless about pulling the shades—Worthal
is setting up his bleachers again.”
Don't Gag—It's Merely SDX
This is the,SDX edition of the Emerald. It is a gag edition,
and not to be taken seriously. We say this, every year, ‘ in the
hope of fewer and less expensive libel suits.
Just as surely as tomorrow wjjd come, so will letters con
demning the edition as not worthy of the professional journal
ism fraternity, and not worthy of the Emerald. And just as
surely, today there will be people who laugh at today s edition.
—H.A.
Forces of Reaction at Work Again
The University today passed:
(1) Regulation against religious students dating beer-drink
ers (a tragedy, since everybody has to be religious until 4 p.m.
nowadays anyway),
(2) Regulation against dumb students dating smart students
(eliminates chanc® of football players getting his signals cross
ed with Shakespeare and telling opponent: A plague and a
pox on thee, pithy one).
(3) Regulation against boys dating girls (Ye Gods! Look at
what we’re left with.)
(4) Regulation against living, (no comment.)
Thoughts of the Editor and Her Associates
Let us look at this problem cooly, and let us not sensational
ize.—A.H.
Let’s give ’em holy hell!—D.S. (fired winter term.)
The world situation, chum, is glum.—T.K.
Ereak your civilization like a piece of bread, competition is
your knife.—S.F. (recalled to active duty, USMC, winter term.)
Life on this campus can sometimes be very funny, but it is
not easy always to dig up material.—K.M.
The value of some groups such as Heads of Houses is ques
tionable. So is the value of some heads.—J.P.
The StrangeCase of the Girl Across theHall
If you’re a typical University of Oregon student, you prob
ably looked with interest upon the search in each men’s living
organization for the typical Oregon woman -the girl across
the hall in your house.
This search was instigated by an edit asking you to consider
as a typical Oregon student the “girl across the hall in your
house.” Response, in letters we unfortunately were unable to
print because the post office has regulations concerning what
can and cannot be sent through the mails, was tremendous
from the men who wanted to know who in their house was
keeping a girl.
The administration, egged by the Oregon mothers and
SSRL (Sensible' Sex Relations League), felt the girl must be
found.
However, no such girl was found. She was elusive. Not even
the men in the room across the hall in your house would admit
that the girl was ever there._
THE DAILY ...
to the student who, during Junior Weekend, got tapped
for no honoraries, received no scholarships, no certificates,
cups or awards of any kind. And how the hell did you man
age it?
THE OREGON LEMON...
to the University administration for trying to perpetuate
the fraud that they are running an educational institution.
. . » s i k 11 m m t m f * *«". *» a f: M t i I« » »11111 i
--—Bogged Down
Three More Weeks of This Hell
And 111 Be a Free Man at Last
With Abnorm Anderson
It's about over, friends. Fel
low seniors, and those who won't
he here next year because of the
service or disciplinary commit
tee, we’ve had it. (This last refers
particularly to those who won't
be here bacause of the discipli
nary committee.) Soon we’ll
leave our alma mater- dear old
Legit Critic
Queen Role
Demanding
By John Jones
"Flo of the Fifteen Minutes,”
a play about a common trollop
who wanted to be everyone's
queen, opened up to an eager all
male audience in the very very
intimate theater last night.
Pelva Rejohn, graduate stu
dent in hygiene, played the lead
role—the only female part in a
large cast. A quick success tpn of
men, each appearing on stage for
15 minutes, more or less, gave ttfe
star support.
The play was written in blank
verse (pantomime) by Hacks
well Sandyson, white-haired hope
for the last 50 years of the mod
ern American theater. He has
written two other plays about
Queens, to make up a triology -
"Queen for a Night," a tragedy
of a bed-ridden woman, and "Gyp
sy, Queen of Queens,” a teasing
satire that strips from woman
hood all superficialities.
The production given by the
theater was interesting. All char
acters sat around on stage read
ing aloud the pantomime instruc
tions. There were no sets, no
props, no costumes.
“This has saved us four weeks
of rehearsal time,” stated direc
tor Boreus YooHoo Sparrowpa,
king of the theater. "Besides,” he
added with malice aforethought,
"why waste time with Sandyson’s
plays; after we work on them all
we get is bad reviews.”
* * »
To move from the legitimate
theater to its bastard offspring—
the movies, I find that there are
excellent films at every theater in
town. Those that are not in tech
nicolor are in black and white.
-SDX
Second Round
Famous quotations of fa
mous people:
Barbara Stevenson: We
women have our points.
USA to AGS: Drop Dead.
AGS to USA: Why should
I, you already are.
Gen. MacArthur: Old sold
iers never die.
Harry Newburn: One’s own
friends are one’s own busi
ness.
Disciplinary Committee:
Unless he’s an athlete, and
she complains to the office of
student affairs.
Barry Mountain to Kxuc
Council: Gee, people, 1 feel
awful tonight. If I’m a little
slow forgive me.
Warren C. Price at 10 to
the hour: Just give me five
minutes more.
Paul S. Dull: You didn’t do
too well on this test, I don’t
know ... it was probably my
fault. (Tear runs down his
cheek). •
Bruce Wallace: I do not
choose to run.
Bill Carey: My platform is
you.
Oregon. Soon our college days
will be behind us. No more, thank
God, will things be realities, just
memories.
And it's about time. I've waited
four years to get out of this rat
race, and once I've left I won’t
ever come back. Yeah, dear old
Oregon.
Remember ...
Those hot, stuffy, sticky days
you went up on the McKenzie to
cool off? You lay around on the
bank with the swent sloshing
down your sided, and you can't
go anywhere near the water be
cause it’s so damn cold you'd
freeze. If you do go in the river,
you get chilled and spend the
rest of spring term in the infir
mary.
Or maybe you go out to Kern
Ridge the water's warmed by
the three-inch thick mud on the
bottom, which hides broken glass.
Remember . . .
The mill race, that sluggish
stinking sewer thut slups slowly
by near the campus. We worked
like dogs to get it back, and now
it's not good for anything. What
a smell it's a wonder the trees
along its banks haven't rotted.
Remember . . .
Good old term papers assign
ed Friday of Junior Weekend and
due the next Monday. Term pa
pers that by r.o stretch of the im
agination e, uld ever possibly be
conceived to be enjoyable.
Remember . . .
The walls of Baylors tnd the
Top dirty, grimy walls that get
painted once a year, maybe. Walls
that will be nostagically revived
at Homecoming, only if you’re
stupid enough to come down for
homecoming.
Remember . . .
Homecoming the noise pa
rade which gives you a double
hangover. You've got a head that
feels like its full of drummers to
begin with, then you shout and
scream, especially loud as you go
by where you think the judges
are.
Remember . . .
Closing hours? You just get
going when you’ve got to quit,
and really go. All the niceties of
life are abruptly broken by the
flicking of a porch light.
Remember . . .
The weekend of the game in
Portland—or Berkeley or Los An
geles or Seattle. No more such
weekends hell no, now you'll be
living in Portland or Seattle or
Los Angeles. Every weekend a
game weekend. Whoopee!
Yeah, I'll miss Oregon like I
miss poison. »
Tradition Bites Dustt
r.~r . r' .i
Mortar Hoard I’rrildrrt Hetty
M. Tight poses in the costume she
will wear when she leads the sen
ior honorary’s tapping proees
slonal.
"To liell with tradition," Hetty
shouted front Itehlnd a cigarette,
“Who w lints to he draped In a
black rots-. It’s about time wo
girls showed the campus that
we’ve g<it something besides
brains, tiraduation Is near, and
only three of our members got
irturriod this year. You should l«>
aide to get more at college than a
diploma."
The traditional red rose is be
ing replaced by a baton. Kxplain
ed Miss Tight, “If we're going to
tap the girls we might as well do
It In a big way.”
-SDX
Letters I Forced
Students to Write
Dearest:
I am a disappointed man. I
didn't get tupped by an honorary.
There are only a few of ua left.
In order to prevent ourselves .
from being outcast, I hereby do
announce my honorary which will
include all students who are not
members of honoraries.
We shall be divided into classes:
Senior women will bo called
.Martyr Hoarders, and men Roost
ers;
Juniors will la* called J*hl The-,
atrix and Droops;
And the sophomores Hul Ku
wamas and the Boneheads.
Editor’s note: See Dally *E\
Signed,
Uttle Spoke.
1%e Oiboom Daily Rmrialo published Monday through Friday during the college year
vcept Oct. 30; Dec. 5 through Jan. 3: Mar 6 through 28; May 7; Nov. 2z through 27: and
after May 24, with isues on Nov. 4 and May 12, by the Arocigted Students of the university
»f Oregon. Entered as second class matter at the postoffice, Eugene, Oregon. Subscription
rates: $5 per school year; $2 per term.
SDX EDITION
Sigma i),.Ha ('111 Emerald Staff
Don A. Smith, Grand High Exulted Supremo Editor of the Universe
Phil Bettens, Supreme Mystle Managing Editor of the Green Jewel
John Barton, Grand and High Ruler of Universe S|>ort!ng Page
Supreme Mystic Knights and Potentates of New*: Walt Graydon, Ken
Metzler, Rodger Eddy, Don Dewey, Abbott Paine.
i
(irand, Glorious, Exalted, Unsurpassed Royal Readers of the Copy Desk I
Wally McClain, Tom Ja<|ueK,
Worthy and IRgii Contributing Knights Of Information: Gene Rose, Bill
Clothier, Stan Turnbull,