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About The nugget. (Sisters, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (April 11, 2018)
Wednesday, April 11, 2018 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon The Bunkhouse Chronicle Craig Rullman Columnist The Stormy Daniels upper I didn’t watch the Stormy Daniels interview. For one thing I was busy cleaning my AR-15s — which are, in fact, an excellent choice for target shooting, hunting, and home defense — and for another thing I just assume that she is telling the truth and that her skillset really is worth $130k a pop, if not much, much, more. And for a third thing — not that any other reason is really required — I’ve seen the Russian bordel- los in Dubai, and as a result I’ve sworn off strumpets as a source for either entertain- ment or wisdom. I realize that in the pres- ent atmosphere mine is an unpopular choice. The proof of its unpopularity is that the Stormy interview set a “rat- ings milestone” for CBS’s otherwise-listing flagship, “60 Minutes.” Turns out most Americans aren’t that interested in exposés on disaster relief in Puerto Rico, or the heroic work of the White Helmets in bombed- out neighborhoods of Syria, but porn stars and presidents make an instant and histori- cal splash. And millions of people who would otherwise ignore “60 Minutes” for spicy reruns of “Celebrity Housewives of Orange County” can’t possi- bly be wrong. Not watching the inter- view was probably even foolish on my part, now that celebrities of various stripes routinely take the stage to lecture people like me on every subject imaginable — from the 2nd Amendment to colonic hydrotherapy, from Green Vaccines to for- eign policy and the pros and cons of raising “free-range” children. The wisdom bestowed on celebrities — by virtue of attaining celebrity — is simply limitless, and I should probably pay more attention. But the truth is that Stormy, dear-heart, deserves at least some credit for leav- ing us all what will, no doubt, resonate on into the future as the lasting image of the Trump-era Presidency: the eventual leader of the free world being spanked by a porn star with a magazine featuring his own image on the cover. It would be difficult to dream up a more appropri- ate legacy image, in fact, for the present political condition of our entire republic, and in that sense Stormy Daniels may be the most relevant artist currently working any- where in the world. Which is why I wish somebody, like Noveske, or Daniel Defense, would offer a new Stormy Daniels Upper for the AR platform. I really don’t mean to make short-shrift of the value of presidential mistresses, because they really are important, both historically and as measuring sticks in the evaluation of contempo- rary culture. Marilyn Monroe and Monica Lewinsky, for instance, both had a lot of important things to say to the rest of us. And I would never disre- spect them because the truth is, even if the Russians and Syrians are dropping chemi- cal weapons on civilians in Douma, and even if hundreds of migrants are marching toward America demanding to be housed, fed, and edu- cated at our expense, those “All 70s Revue” is a celebration of 70’s music, culture, and fashion. 9-piece funk rock band, comedians, and dancers. $35 per person includes KARAOKE NIGHTS! FRIDAY • SATURDAY Daily Food Specials – Custom Burgers – Prime Rib Fridays 5pm! 175 N. Larch St. t. 541-549-6114 hardtailsoregon.com Facebook darcymacey supplies. Contact Corrie or Debbie to buy tickets. Corrie C. Lake 541- 419 - 8156 541- 521 - 2392 Lic#200511204 Lic#201218852 282 S. Cedar St., 2 Sisters (Behind Hop-n-Brew) I were a television producer I would recommend The Donner Party Ballroom at the Grand Sierra in Reno: the perfect setting for a full hour of sensational tabloid canni- balism, and only blocks away from the National Bowling Congress. I like that idea a lot because, thinking ahead, I can see an even more inter- esting after-party held down the road at the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, which could keep Fox, CNN, and MSNBC and their endless network of stringers busy for weeks. Meanwhile, back home in Oregon, IP 43 is snaking its way toward the ballot. Which is another reason I May 3-5 / 7:30 PM Silent Echo Theater “Now You’re Talking” WED...APR. 11 Sisters Saloon Poker Night 7 p.m. Every Wednesday! $20. For additional information call 541-549-7427 or go online to sisterssaloon.net. THURS..APR. 12 Sisters Saloon Karaoke Night 9 p.m. to midnight. Every Thursday, no cover! For additional information call 541-549-7427 or go online to sisterssaloon.net. FRI...APR. 13 Paulina Springs Books Author Slideshow with John Shewey 6 p.m. Shewey will present slides of his book, “Oregon Beaches: A Traveler’s Companion.” Free, with refreshments. For information call 541-549-0866 or go to paulinasprings.com. Hardtails Bar & Grill Karaoke Night 9 p.m. Every Friday (if no live music), no cover! For info 541-549-6114 or go to hardtailsoregon.com. Cork Cellars Live Music with Cuppa Joe 7 to 9 p.m. No cover! For additional information call 541-549-2675 or go online to corkcellarswinebistro.com. Sisters Saloon Live Music with Abluestics 7 to 10 p.m. No cover! For additional information call 541-549-7427 or go to sisterssaloon.net. Sisters Gallery & Frame Shop Sisters Folk Festival 2018 Poster Unveiling 4:30 to 6 p.m. All are welcome! For additional information call 541-549-4979 or go to sistersfolkfestival.org. Hardtails Bar & Grill Karaoke Night 9 p.m. Every Saturday,, no cover! For additional information call 541-549-6114 or go to hardtailsoregon.com. 7 one-act plays. SUN...APR. 15 May 18 / Fri / 8 PM Dirty Revival Sisters Saloon Open Mic Night 8 to 10 p.m. Free, every fi rst and third Sunday! For information call 541-549-7427 or go to sisterssaloon.net. Soulful sounds and energetic beats enrapture any audience. PUB OPENS 1 HR PRIOR TO SHOWS BelfryEvents.com 541-815-9122 skipped the Stormy Daniels bit. Because the truth is that this Initiative Petition is the most blatantly fas- cist assault on freedom in some time, and I thought it was far more important to keep my powder dry for the big fight being pushed onto law-abiding citizens by control freaks who would turn us all into outlaws. So, Stormy Upper or no Stormy Upper, here’s the deal I’m offering in reply to all those whose confiscatory intentions have finally been revealed in the language of IP 43: You don’t get my guns. None of them. Ever. And I mean that most sincerely. entertainment & EVENTS SAT...APR. 14 April 20 / Fri / 8 PM Bend Burlesque and Company Grand Join us for a fun n painting event! HAPPY HOUR MON-FRI 4-7pm unfortunate souls sucked in, so to speak, by the tractor beam of political celebrity deserve their full 15 minutes of recognition. Because all lives matter. And I probably would tune in if someone — maybe Piers Morgan since this sort of thing seems to fit nicely into his body of work, and also because a British accent lends a sort of gravitas to even the most salaciously funny subject — could throw together a gathering of for- mer Presidential Mistresses. Naturally, it should be done in a “Town Hall” for- mat, a favorite of campaign managers and TV producers because it rewards the viewer with a decidedly more “inti- mate portrait” of their favor- ite candidate, or in this case their candidate’s mistress(es). Getting all of the mis- tresses in one room would be an award-worthy feat and serve as proof that relentless hammering on the mundane and the mendacious is pre- cisely the recipe for health, happiness, and wisdom we’ve all been searching for. At any rate, assembling the brighter lights and big- ger minds of the Executive Dalliance Survivor’s Club would be must-see televi- sion. I would stop cleaning my ARs for that. It probably sells itself, really, given that the Clinton mistresses alone could easily book a decent venue. And if 13 MON...APR. 16 Hardtails Bar & Grill Open Mic & Jam Night 7 p.m. Every Monday, no cover! For info call 541-549-6114 or go online to hardtailsoregon.com. Sisters Saloon Painting Party 6 to 8 p.m. $35, every Monday! For info call 541-549- 7427 or go to sisterssaloon.net. TUES..APR. 17 Sisters Saloon Trivia Night 6:30 to 7:30 p.m. Sign-up is at 6:15 p.m. Free, every Tuesday! For info call 541-549-7427 or go online to sisterssaloon.net. WED...APR. 18 Sisters Saloon Poker Night 7 p.m. Every Wednesday! $20. For information call 541-549- 7427 or go to sisterssaloon.net. THURS..APR. 19 Hood Avenue Art Live Music Benefi t with Tony Lompa & JJ and Circle Singers 6 to 8 p.m. Art salon fundraiser for Circle of Friends. Donations gladly accepted! For information call 541-719-1800 or go to hoodavenueart.com. Sisters Saloon Karaoke Night 9 p.m. to midnight. Every Thursday, no cover! For information call 541-549-7427 or go to sisterssaloon.net. FRI...APR. 20 The Belfry All ’70s Revue with Bend Burlesque and Company Grand 8 p.m. $20 at bendticket.com or $25 at the door for dancers, comedians, and the 9-piece funk rock band. Info, go to belfryevents.com. Hardtails Bar & Grill Karaoke Night 9 p.m. Every Friday (if no live music is scheduled), no cover! For info call 541-549-6114 or go online to hardtailsoregon.com. SAT...APR. 21 Paulina Springs Books Author Reading with Valerie Geary 6 p.m. Geary will read from her psychological mystery, “Everything We Lost.” Free! For info call 541-549-0866 or go to paulinasprings.com. Cork Cellars Live Music with Dry Canyon Trio (and Fiddler Lily) 7 to 9 p.m. No cover! For information call 541-549-2675 or go online to corkcellarswinebistro.com. Hardtails Bar & Grill Karaoke Night 9 p.m. Every Saturday,, no cover! For information call 541-549-6114 or go to hardtailsoregon.com. Listings free to advertisers. Submit by 5 p.m. Fridays: teresa@nuggetnews.com
