Wednesday, April 11, 2018 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
The Bunkhouse
Chronicle
Craig Rullman
Columnist
The Stormy
Daniels upper
I didn’t watch the Stormy
Daniels interview. For one
thing I was busy cleaning my
AR-15s — which are, in fact,
an excellent choice for target
shooting, hunting, and home
defense — and for another
thing I just assume that she is
telling the truth and that her
skillset really is worth $130k
a pop, if not much, much,
more.
And for a third thing —
not that any other reason
is really required — I’ve
seen the Russian bordel-
los in Dubai, and as a result
I’ve sworn off strumpets as
a source for either entertain-
ment or wisdom.
I realize that in the pres-
ent atmosphere mine is an
unpopular choice. The proof
of its unpopularity is that the
Stormy interview set a “rat-
ings milestone” for CBS’s
otherwise-listing flagship,
“60 Minutes.” Turns out
most Americans aren’t that
interested in exposés on
disaster relief in Puerto Rico,
or the heroic work of the
White Helmets in bombed-
out neighborhoods of Syria,
but porn stars and presidents
make an instant and histori-
cal splash.
And millions of people
who would otherwise ignore
“60 Minutes” for spicy reruns
of “Celebrity Housewives of
Orange County” can’t possi-
bly be wrong.
Not watching the inter-
view was probably even
foolish on my part, now that
celebrities of various stripes
routinely take the stage to
lecture people like me on
every subject imaginable —
from the 2nd Amendment
to colonic hydrotherapy,
from Green Vaccines to for-
eign policy and the pros and
cons of raising “free-range”
children.
The wisdom bestowed
on celebrities — by virtue
of attaining celebrity — is
simply limitless, and I should
probably pay more attention.
But the truth is that
Stormy, dear-heart, deserves
at least some credit for leav-
ing us all what will, no doubt,
resonate on into the future
as the lasting image of the
Trump-era Presidency: the
eventual leader of the free
world being spanked by a
porn star with a magazine
featuring his own image on
the cover.
It would be difficult to
dream up a more appropri-
ate legacy image, in fact, for
the present political condition
of our entire republic, and in
that sense Stormy Daniels
may be the most relevant
artist currently working any-
where in the world.
Which is why I wish
somebody, like Noveske, or
Daniel Defense, would offer
a new Stormy Daniels Upper
for the AR platform.
I really don’t mean to
make short-shrift of the value
of presidential mistresses,
because they really are
important, both historically
and as measuring sticks in
the evaluation of contempo-
rary culture. Marilyn Monroe
and Monica Lewinsky, for
instance, both had a lot of
important things to say to the
rest of us.
And I would never disre-
spect them because the truth
is, even if the Russians and
Syrians are dropping chemi-
cal weapons on civilians in
Douma, and even if hundreds
of migrants are marching
toward America demanding
to be housed, fed, and edu-
cated at our expense, those
“All 70s Revue” is a
celebration of 70’s music,
culture, and fashion.
9-piece funk rock band,
comedians, and dancers.
$35 per person includes
KARAOKE NIGHTS!
FRIDAY • SATURDAY
Daily Food Specials
– Custom Burgers –
Prime Rib Fridays 5pm!
175 N. Larch St.
t.
541-549-6114
hardtailsoregon.com
Facebook darcymacey
supplies. Contact Corrie
or Debbie to buy tickets.
Corrie C.
Lake
541- 419 - 8156 541- 521 - 2392
Lic#200511204
Lic#201218852
282 S. Cedar St.,
2
Sisters
(Behind Hop-n-Brew)
I were a television producer
I would recommend The
Donner Party Ballroom at
the Grand Sierra in Reno: the
perfect setting for a full hour
of sensational tabloid canni-
balism, and only blocks away
from the National Bowling
Congress.
I like that idea a lot
because, thinking ahead, I
can see an even more inter-
esting after-party held down
the road at the Moonlight
Bunny Ranch, which could
keep Fox, CNN, and MSNBC
and their endless network of
stringers busy for weeks.
Meanwhile, back home
in Oregon, IP 43 is snaking
its way toward the ballot.
Which is another reason I
May 3-5 / 7:30 PM
Silent Echo Theater
“Now You’re
Talking”
WED...APR. 11
Sisters Saloon Poker Night
7 p.m. Every Wednesday! $20.
For additional information call
541-549-7427 or go online to
sisterssaloon.net.
THURS..APR. 12
Sisters Saloon Karaoke
Night 9 p.m. to midnight.
Every Thursday, no cover! For
additional information call
541-549-7427 or go online to
sisterssaloon.net.
FRI...APR. 13
Paulina Springs Books
Author Slideshow with
John Shewey 6 p.m. Shewey
will present slides of his book,
“Oregon Beaches: A Traveler’s
Companion.” Free, with
refreshments. For information
call 541-549-0866 or go to
paulinasprings.com.
Hardtails Bar & Grill
Karaoke Night 9 p.m. Every
Friday (if no live music), no
cover! For info 541-549-6114 or
go to hardtailsoregon.com.
Cork Cellars Live Music
with Cuppa Joe 7 to
9 p.m. No cover! For
additional information call
541-549-2675 or go online to
corkcellarswinebistro.com.
Sisters Saloon Live Music
with Abluestics 7 to 10 p.m.
No cover! For additional
information call 541-549-7427
or go to sisterssaloon.net.
Sisters Gallery & Frame
Shop Sisters Folk Festival
2018 Poster Unveiling
4:30 to 6 p.m. All are welcome!
For additional information
call 541-549-4979 or go to
sistersfolkfestival.org.
Hardtails Bar & Grill
Karaoke Night 9 p.m.
Every Saturday,, no cover!
For additional information
call 541-549-6114 or go to
hardtailsoregon.com.
7 one-act plays.
SUN...APR. 15
May 18 / Fri / 8 PM
Dirty Revival
Sisters Saloon Open Mic
Night 8 to 10 p.m. Free, every
fi rst and third Sunday! For
information call 541-549-7427
or go to sisterssaloon.net.
Soulful sounds and
energetic beats
enrapture any audience.
PUB OPENS 1 HR PRIOR TO SHOWS
BelfryEvents.com
541-815-9122
skipped the Stormy Daniels
bit. Because the truth is
that this Initiative Petition
is the most blatantly fas-
cist assault on freedom in
some time, and I thought
it was far more important
to keep my powder dry for
the big fight being pushed
onto law-abiding citizens by
control freaks who would
turn us all into outlaws.
So, Stormy Upper or no
Stormy Upper, here’s the
deal I’m offering in reply to
all those whose confiscatory
intentions have finally been
revealed in the language of
IP 43:
You don’t get my guns.
None of them. Ever. And I
mean that most sincerely.
entertainment & EVENTS
SAT...APR. 14
April 20 / Fri / 8 PM
Bend Burlesque
and Company
Grand
Join us for a fun
n
painting event!
HAPPY
HOUR
MON-FRI 4-7pm
unfortunate souls sucked in,
so to speak, by the tractor
beam of political celebrity
deserve their full 15 minutes
of recognition.
Because all lives matter.
And I probably would
tune in if someone — maybe
Piers Morgan since this sort
of thing seems to fit nicely
into his body of work, and
also because a British accent
lends a sort of gravitas to
even the most salaciously
funny subject — could throw
together a gathering of for-
mer Presidential Mistresses.
Naturally, it should be
done in a “Town Hall” for-
mat, a favorite of campaign
managers and TV producers
because it rewards the viewer
with a decidedly more “inti-
mate portrait” of their favor-
ite candidate, or in this case
their candidate’s mistress(es).
Getting all of the mis-
tresses in one room would
be an award-worthy feat and
serve as proof that relentless
hammering on the mundane
and the mendacious is pre-
cisely the recipe for health,
happiness, and wisdom
we’ve all been searching for.
At any rate, assembling
the brighter lights and big-
ger minds of the Executive
Dalliance Survivor’s Club
would be must-see televi-
sion. I would stop cleaning
my ARs for that.
It probably sells itself,
really, given that the Clinton
mistresses alone could easily
book a decent venue. And if
13
MON...APR. 16
Hardtails Bar & Grill Open
Mic & Jam Night 7 p.m.
Every Monday, no cover! For
info call 541-549-6114 or go
online to hardtailsoregon.com.
Sisters Saloon Painting
Party 6 to 8 p.m. $35, every
Monday! For info call 541-549-
7427 or go to sisterssaloon.net.
TUES..APR. 17
Sisters Saloon Trivia Night
6:30 to 7:30 p.m. Sign-up is at
6:15 p.m. Free, every Tuesday!
For info call 541-549-7427 or
go online to sisterssaloon.net.
WED...APR. 18
Sisters Saloon Poker Night
7 p.m. Every Wednesday! $20.
For information call 541-549-
7427 or go to sisterssaloon.net.
THURS..APR. 19
Hood Avenue Art Live
Music Benefi t with Tony
Lompa & JJ and Circle
Singers 6 to 8 p.m. Art salon
fundraiser for Circle of Friends.
Donations gladly accepted! For
information call 541-719-1800
or go to hoodavenueart.com.
Sisters Saloon Karaoke
Night 9 p.m. to midnight.
Every Thursday, no cover! For
information call 541-549-7427
or go to sisterssaloon.net.
FRI...APR. 20
The Belfry All ’70s Revue
with Bend Burlesque and
Company Grand 8 p.m. $20
at bendticket.com or $25 at the
door for dancers, comedians,
and the 9-piece funk rock band.
Info, go to belfryevents.com.
Hardtails Bar & Grill
Karaoke Night 9 p.m. Every
Friday (if no live music is
scheduled), no cover! For info
call 541-549-6114 or go online
to hardtailsoregon.com.
SAT...APR. 21
Paulina Springs Books
Author Reading with
Valerie Geary 6 p.m. Geary
will read from her psychological
mystery, “Everything We Lost.”
Free! For info call 541-549-0866
or go to paulinasprings.com.
Cork Cellars Live Music
with Dry Canyon Trio (and
Fiddler Lily) 7 to 9 p.m.
No cover! For information call
541-549-2675 or go online to
corkcellarswinebistro.com.
Hardtails Bar & Grill
Karaoke Night 9 p.m. Every
Saturday,, no cover! For
information call 541-549-6114
or go to hardtailsoregon.com.
Listings free to advertisers.
Submit by 5 p.m. Fridays:
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