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About The nugget. (Sisters, Or.) 1994-current | View Entire Issue (April 6, 2016)
30 Wednesday, April 6, 2016 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon Life with a Willing Heart Jayson Berray Columnist The insane things you say as a parent Have you ever looked back on your life and thought, “If someone would have told that I’d be where I am today I would have thought that per- son were crazy”? Lord knows I have had a decent amount of these real- izations, but one category I find particularly amusing and striking is when I stop and think about the sheer ridiculousness of some of the things I have to say to my children on a day-to-day basis. Prior to becoming a father I never would have guessed that I would actually have to specify to another human that my crotch being stepped on is an undesirable occur- rence for me to experience, but parenthood has brought along with it a slough of unexpected realizations, most of which seem obvi- ous to an adult but turn out to be just the opposite to small children. I have always been a fan of random humor, and for a couple of years now I have been keeping a list of crazy- sounding things I have said to my children in that time. I have realized that it is espe- cially funny to tell these if they are stated without any context. Special thanks to my wife for offering her insight. Here are some examples: “Can you not crush your Goldfish crackers with those pliers?” “Did someone take a bite out of this one and put it back?” “Please don’t push your lawnmower into the street.” “Don’t poke the kitty with the hanger!” “Can you please get your sandy foot off my drink?” “Please get out of your brother’s bean tray and put some clothes on, like I asked.” “It is okay for you to let your sister like cougars and wild things.” “Please let your sister like bobcats.” “Please don’t leave your Pull-Up on the floor with poop in it.” “It is not okay to squeeze out an entire tube of tooth- paste into the sink.” “The reason why it hurts that I’m brushing your hair right now is because you chose to put toothpaste in it earlier.” “Your hair looks ridicu- lous because you won’t stop moving while I try to cut it.” “Please don’t steal my adult coloring book markers from the top of the fridge and sneak them into your quiet time. They are expensive.” “I don’t think your sis- ter wants to play fetch right now.” “Will you please just fetch the ball from your brother a couple of times so he’ll be quiet?” “Please don’t disappear into the neighbor’s house without telling me where you’re going.” “Please honor your sis- ter’s request to stay off of her baby coyote bed.” “I can’t make you a new hat because you used all of the tape in your attempt to make one for yourself.” “Please remember that the bathroom is for peeing, and not the street.” “Other people might not like it when you shove a worm in their face, and that’s okay.” “Do you have to be in the bathroom right now? Can I have some privacy, please?” “I have to stop at this stop sign. If I drive forward right now, like you’re telling me to, we will get hit by another car… I don’t know why, we just will.” “You need a coat because it’s cold outside… It’s cold outside because it’s win- ter… It’s winter because of the position of the Earth with regard to its yearly orbit around the sun… The Earth orbits around the sun because the sun is a star, a really big one with an unimaginably huge gravitational pull which makes it so that the eight planets, one dwarf planet, and one newly discovered Neptune-sized planet beyond the one dwarf planet in our solar system follow a spe- cific trajectory throughout the duration of their exis- tence, thus giving us the four seasons we have all come to know and love — winter, spring, summer, and fall, and winter is the cold one, which is why you need your coat. So please put it on.” Land Trust announces 2016 free hike series The Deschutes Land Trust has announced the start of its 2016 Walk + Hike series. F r o m A p r i l - O c t o b e r, Land Trust volunteer natu- ralists lead more than 120 free walks, hikes, and bike rides at various Land Trust protected lands. Participants can explore birds, wildflow- ers, or geology while hiking along Whychus Creek or in the forests of the Metolius Preserve. Land Trust Walks + Hikes are of varied distances with diverse topics. Short bird walks catch spring migra- tions while exploring bird- ing hot spots like Camp Polk Meadow Preserve. Longer full-day hikes explore the glacier-carved valleys and volcanic craters of the Sisters area. Mountain bike rides take in the vast expanse and trails of Skyline Forest, while night hikes allow participants to get outside and soak in the dark- ness. Families with children will delight in a roster of pint-size hikes dedicated to birds, butterflies and more. Walks + Hikes are led by skilled volunteer naturalists who delight in sharing nature with others. Many Land Trust leaders are trained Oregon State University Master Naturalists with a lifetime of experience outdoors. Join them to explore new hik- ing trails, observe migrat- ing songbirds, or delight in spring wildflowers. All walks and hikes are free. Group size is small to limit impact on Land Trust Preserves and give attendees the best experience possible. Registration for each out- ing opens one month prior to the outing and can be done online any time of day or night. Once registered, detailed directions for the outing will be provided. For more information on Deschutes Land Trust call 541-330-0017 or visit www. deschuteslandtrust.org. Home & Garden A t Yo u r S e r v i c e S p e c i a l S e c t i o n Home & Garden only happens once a year. Be a part of this newspaper section that lets p e o p l e k n o w what’s w hat’s special l a about b o u t y o u and your business. F e a t u r e d b ussi n e s ses include: people know you Featured businesses • Home Improvement • Landscaping • Building (new and additions) • Remodeling & Construction • Real Estate • Mortgage • Furnishing • Indoor and Outdoor Furniture • Hardware & Construction Materials • Design • Interior Decorating • Painting • Fencing, Decks, Outbuildings • Yard and Garden Maintenance • Servicing and Repair ... and more! 2-week special section in The Nugget May 25 & June 1 Each participating advertiser receives a full-color display ad both weeks and a mini-story with photo about you and your business in one of the issues. Free design of your ad is included! Save $297 over regular rates – total cost for both weeks is just $225 Don’t miss out on this once-a-year special section. Space is limited and it sells out! Call Karen at The Nugget 541-549-9941 to reserve your space
