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Wednesday, April 6, 2016 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Life with a
Willing
Heart
Jayson Berray
Columnist
The insane things
you say as a parent
Have you ever looked
back on your life and thought,
“If someone would have told
that I’d be where I am today I
would have thought that per-
son were crazy”?
Lord knows I have had a
decent amount of these real-
izations, but one category
I find particularly amusing
and striking is when I stop
and think about the sheer
ridiculousness of some of
the things I have to say to
my children on a day-to-day
basis.
Prior to becoming a father
I never would have guessed
that I would actually have
to specify to another human
that my crotch being stepped
on is an undesirable occur-
rence for me to experience,
but parenthood has brought
along with it a slough of
unexpected realizations,
most of which seem obvi-
ous to an adult but turn out to
be just the opposite to small
children.
I have always been a fan
of random humor, and for a
couple of years now I have
been keeping a list of crazy-
sounding things I have said
to my children in that time. I
have realized that it is espe-
cially funny to tell these if
they are stated without any
context.
Special thanks to my wife
for offering her insight. Here
are some examples:
“Can you not crush your
Goldfish crackers with those
pliers?”
“Did someone take a bite
out of this one and put it
back?”
“Please don’t push your
lawnmower into the street.”
“Don’t poke the kitty with
the hanger!”
“Can you please get your
sandy foot off my drink?”
“Please get out of your
brother’s bean tray and
put some clothes on, like I
asked.”
“It is okay for you to let
your sister like cougars and
wild things.”
“Please let your sister like
bobcats.”
“Please don’t leave your
Pull-Up on the floor with
poop in it.”
“It is not okay to squeeze
out an entire tube of tooth-
paste into the sink.”
“The reason why it hurts
that I’m brushing your hair
right now is because you
chose to put toothpaste in it
earlier.”
“Your hair looks ridicu-
lous because you won’t stop
moving while I try to cut it.”
“Please don’t steal my
adult coloring book markers
from the top of the fridge and
sneak them into your quiet
time. They are expensive.”
“I don’t think your sis-
ter wants to play fetch right
now.”
“Will you please just fetch
the ball from your brother a
couple of times so he’ll be
quiet?”
“Please don’t disappear
into the neighbor’s house
without telling me where
you’re going.”
“Please honor your sis-
ter’s request to stay off of her
baby coyote bed.”
“I can’t make you a new
hat because you used all of
the tape in your attempt to
make one for yourself.”
“Please remember that the
bathroom is for peeing, and
not the street.”
“Other people might not
like it when you shove a
worm in their face, and that’s
okay.”
“Do you have to be in the
bathroom right now? Can I
have some privacy, please?”
“I have to stop at this stop
sign. If I drive forward right
now, like you’re telling me
to, we will get hit by another
car… I don’t know why, we
just will.”
“You need a coat because
it’s cold outside… It’s cold
outside because it’s win-
ter… It’s winter because
of the position of the Earth
with regard to its yearly orbit
around the sun… The Earth
orbits around the sun because
the sun is a star, a really big
one with an unimaginably
huge gravitational pull which
makes it so that the eight
planets, one dwarf planet,
and one newly discovered
Neptune-sized planet beyond
the one dwarf planet in our
solar system follow a spe-
cific trajectory throughout
the duration of their exis-
tence, thus giving us the four
seasons we have all come
to know and love — winter,
spring, summer, and fall, and
winter is the cold one, which
is why you need your coat.
So please put it on.”
Land Trust announces
2016 free hike series
The Deschutes Land Trust
has announced the start of its
2016 Walk + Hike series.
F r o m A p r i l - O c t o b e r,
Land Trust volunteer natu-
ralists lead more than 120
free walks, hikes, and bike
rides at various Land Trust
protected lands. Participants
can explore birds, wildflow-
ers, or geology while hiking
along Whychus Creek or in
the forests of the Metolius
Preserve.
Land Trust Walks + Hikes
are of varied distances with
diverse topics. Short bird
walks catch spring migra-
tions while exploring bird-
ing hot spots like Camp Polk
Meadow Preserve. Longer
full-day hikes explore the
glacier-carved valleys and
volcanic craters of the Sisters
area.
Mountain bike rides take
in the vast expanse and trails
of Skyline Forest, while night
hikes allow participants to get
outside and soak in the dark-
ness. Families with children
will delight in a roster of
pint-size hikes dedicated to
birds, butterflies and more.
Walks + Hikes are led by
skilled volunteer naturalists
who delight in sharing nature
with others. Many Land Trust
leaders are trained Oregon
State University Master
Naturalists with a lifetime
of experience outdoors. Join
them to explore new hik-
ing trails, observe migrat-
ing songbirds, or delight in
spring wildflowers.
All walks and hikes are
free. Group size is small to
limit impact on Land Trust
Preserves and give attendees
the best experience possible.
Registration for each out-
ing opens one month prior
to the outing and can be
done online any time of day
or night. Once registered,
detailed directions for the
outing will be provided.
For more information on
Deschutes Land Trust call
541-330-0017 or visit www.
deschuteslandtrust.org.
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