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About The independent. (Vernonia, Or.) 1986-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 20, 2011)
Page 16 The INDEPENDENT, January 20, 2011 Some ideas given for learning to keep your power around bullies by Robert Evans Wilson, Jr. (www.jumpstartyourmeeting.com) “Baby Bobby! Baby Bobby!” The words stung and Mike knew it – he could read it in my face. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!” I yelled back. Mike just laughed; he knew I didn’t believe it. Bolstered by figuring out how to push my buttons, he continued to tor- ment me as I walked home from school. “Baby Bobby! Baby Bobby!” The charge had an element of truth because I had cried several times in first grade, but I was now in fifth grade and had long outgrown my fear of school. I recalled the menacing teacher who pounded her pad- dle on our desks and threat- ened to spank us if we kept talking in class. She made sev- eral kids cry, but I was the one who got the reputation. It wasn't fair, but four years later I was still ashamed of my crying and Mike knew it. He continued the harassment. “Baby Bobby! Baby Bobby!” He stuck his face right in mine and stated deliberately, “Baby...Bobby!” I punched him in the nose, and suddenly he was the one crying. I had to fight several more boys that year before the name-calling stopped. It was not the solution I wanted, but it worked. It took me years to learn that the problem was mine; that I was giving away my power every time I reacted to taunting and teasing. And, it’s a problem that doesn’t go away with childhood. Insecure adults wanting to feel superior will seek out your weaknesses and attempt to make you feel bad. Several years ago, I was invited to speak on Creative Thinking in Business to a civic club lunch- eon. During the meal, a man at my table sneered, “Sooo, you’re a motivational speaker. Well, motivate me!” His tone of voice said it all – the difference between him and a school yard bully was the accompanying, “Na Na Na Na Nah.” I was shocked by the un-pro- fessionalism, and thought, “I’m getting heckled, and I’m not even on stage yet.” So, I laughed and said, “Dude, no- body can motivate you, but you.” He shocked me a second time by apologizing after my presentation. He explained that the club had a new speaker each week who tried to sell something, and that most of them were boring. To his sur- prise, he said he found my presentation entertaining and motivating. If we give in to bullies, they can rob us of our confidence and our motivation. Lately, I’ve worked with my children on how to not give their power away when kids assault them verbally. “Laugh it off,” I tell them, “even if the words hurt. Fake it if you have to; the trick is to fool them into thinking it doesn’t bother you.” My friend Rob Maxwell uses See Keep on page 21 Just for Fun Casey and Kyle by Will Robertson If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal dif- ference be- tween a dog and a man. Solve this Sudoku Answer to Janur y 6 Sudoku is on page 20 J a n u a r y ’s flower is the carnation. H e re ’s o n e t o c o l o r. MARK TWAIN American author and humorist (1835-1910)
