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About Herald and news. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1942-current | View Entire Issue (June 28, 1959)
i ,n i !L ippi v mm ii i it m wm r .up ow INDEPENDENT should your child be? HAWAIIAN FRUIT HAWAIIAN TREAT 'P 1 -i u - fist Young ladies love the fun of Hawaiian Punch. The circus-red color. I he candy-and-icc-crcam laste. They call il their "Let's-Have-A-Party" drink. And they like to have a "party" every day. Particular parents appreciate the fruit of Hawaiian Punch. The 5 tropical fruit jukes, brimming with sunshine. A ready-made, real-fruit punch. Encourage your youngsters to choose Hawaiian Punch next time they help you shop. After that. they'll do the encouraging! Now on your favorite grocer's shelf and in his freezes, too. 199 HAWAIIAN PUNCH. INC.. HILO. HAWAII j COHriDBNCE I I BRAND . I NAMES J aAtiamcTioH I BRAND NAMES FOUNDATION, INC. 8 Jim by Sidonie Matsner Gruenberg with Llewellyn Miller A leading writer, editor, and lecturer on child development and parent education, Sidonie Gruenberg is special consultant to the Child Study Association of America. Her latest book is "The Parents' Guide to Every day Problem of Boys and Girls," published by Random House. Each year at this time when we are getting ready to celebrate Independence Day and our most treasured possession our freedom of thought and action as citizens of democ racy I remember the questions a thoughtful young mother asked me on another Fourth of July. She had had a hard day dealing with prob lems of independence on the home front. All four of her lively youngsters had gone a bit far in skirmishes for personal liberty, as even the best-guided children do occasionally. Fourteen-year-old Susie had spent the morning with her best friend adding bronze streaks to her blond hair. ("But it's my hair, Mother!") Eight-year-old Toby, inspired by the nov elty of an allowance, had mortgaged three weeks' income for a cat in his eyes a sound growth investment since she was soon to have kittens. ("But you said it was my money to spend!") Five-year-old Tommy had staged a temper tantrum when told he couldn't go swimming with his best friend. ("But I leant to!") The baby had upended his cup of milk into his feeding tray, solemnly murmuring "No-no-no" as he did so. "What's wrong with them? Or with us?" she asked. "In encouraging them to make decisions for themselves, are we giving them more independence than they can handle? At what age can a child grasp the difference between independence and just having his own way?" Those are among the most important ques tions parents can ask themselves. We want our children to be independent. We also want them to be cooperative. This is not the easiest combination to teach or to learn. Growing up is the process of becoming increasingly responsible for one's own be havior and welfare within the framework of respect for the rights and welfare of others. The essence of effective guidance by par ents is anticipating each child's readiness for the next little freedom from control. We must relax restraints, one after the other, so that the child is free to take a new step toward independence at the moment he is ready. We must neither invite rebellion by holding him back nor burden him by demanding responsi bility and judgment beyond his capacity. What Are the First Signs? The urge to independence shows itself early. In the first months of life the infant is wholly dependent, but he is also an autocrat, not concerned with any needs or wishes but his own. He needs, and should have, immedi ate loving response to his demands, for this golden age of absolute power is soon over. Once the baby starts to crawl, he must grasp a huge new concept the hard meaning of the word "No." For his own protection, he must learn to curb his impulse to touch the hot stove, chew on electric-light wires, climb on the table. He leams quickly that there is some kind of connection between personal liberty and paying attention to "No." Freedom to explore the floor is dependent upon staying away from the fireplace? Okay. But how about the wastebasket? "No." Are books for tearing? "No-no." Are cigarettes tasty? "No-no-no." There is so much that toddlers must be gently taught not to do that it is small won der many parents make a refrain of "Don't," not realizing that serious problems with older children are rooted in this period of "No" and "Stop" prolonged beyond real need. Here is where independence in its most limited sense begins to show itself. If we understand this and stop the tiny ones only when necessary, our problems with them in later years become much simpler. "What's the matter with Jerry? All of a sudden he opposes me in everything," said a young mother bewildered by a very common reaction of children between two and three. "He says 'No' automatically even when he means 'Yes.' Yesterday, just to test him, I said, 'Do you want this candy?' and he said 'No!' happily holding out his hand!" Nothing was the matter with good little Jerry. All he was doing was giving back the word he was always hearing whenever he initiated some project of his own, and show ing his mother that he was feeling a bit hemmed in. "Ann pays no attention when I tell her to Family Wttkly. Jm 21, J3f
