i ,n i !L ippi v mm ii i it m wm r .up
ow
INDEPENDENT
should your child be?
HAWAIIAN FRUIT
HAWAIIAN TREAT
'P 1 -i u
- fist
Young ladies love the fun of
Hawaiian Punch. The circus-red
color. I he candy-and-icc-crcam laste.
They call il their "Let's-Have-A-Party"
drink. And they like to have
a "party" every day. Particular
parents appreciate the fruit of
Hawaiian Punch. The 5 tropical
fruit jukes, brimming with sunshine.
A ready-made, real-fruit punch.
Encourage your youngsters to
choose Hawaiian Punch next time
they help you shop. After that.
they'll do the encouraging! Now on
your favorite grocer's shelf and in
his freezes, too.
199 HAWAIIAN PUNCH. INC.. HILO. HAWAII
j COHriDBNCE I
I BRAND
. I NAMES J
aAtiamcTioH
I BRAND NAMES FOUNDATION, INC.
8
Jim
by Sidonie Matsner Gruenberg with Llewellyn Miller
A leading writer, editor, and lecturer on
child development and parent education,
Sidonie Gruenberg is special consultant to
the Child Study Association of America. Her
latest book is "The Parents' Guide to Every
day Problem of Boys and Girls," published
by Random House.
Each year at this time when we are getting
ready to celebrate Independence Day and
our most treasured possession our freedom
of thought and action as citizens of democ
racy I remember the questions a thoughtful
young mother asked me on another Fourth
of July.
She had had a hard day dealing with prob
lems of independence on the home front. All
four of her lively youngsters had gone a bit
far in skirmishes for personal liberty, as even
the best-guided children do occasionally.
Fourteen-year-old Susie had spent the
morning with her best friend adding bronze
streaks to her blond hair. ("But it's my hair,
Mother!")
Eight-year-old Toby, inspired by the nov
elty of an allowance, had mortgaged three
weeks' income for a cat in his eyes a
sound growth investment since she was soon
to have kittens. ("But you said it was my
money to spend!")
Five-year-old Tommy had staged a temper
tantrum when told he couldn't go swimming
with his best friend. ("But I leant to!")
The baby had upended his cup of milk into
his feeding tray, solemnly murmuring "No-no-no"
as he did so.
"What's wrong with them? Or with us?"
she asked. "In encouraging them to make
decisions for themselves, are we giving them
more independence than they can handle?
At what age can a child grasp the difference
between independence and just having his
own way?"
Those are among the most important ques
tions parents can ask themselves.
We want our children to be independent.
We also want them to be cooperative. This
is not the easiest combination to teach or to
learn. Growing up is the process of becoming
increasingly responsible for one's own be
havior and welfare within the framework of
respect for the rights and welfare of others.
The essence of effective guidance by par
ents is anticipating each child's readiness for
the next little freedom from control. We must
relax restraints, one after the other, so that
the child is free to take a new step toward
independence at the moment he is ready. We
must neither invite rebellion by holding him
back nor burden him by demanding responsi
bility and judgment beyond his capacity.
What Are the First Signs?
The urge to independence shows itself
early. In the first months of life the infant is
wholly dependent, but he is also an autocrat,
not concerned with any needs or wishes but
his own. He needs, and should have, immedi
ate loving response to his demands, for this
golden age of absolute power is soon over.
Once the baby starts to crawl, he must grasp
a huge new concept the hard meaning of
the word "No."
For his own protection, he must learn to
curb his impulse to touch the hot stove, chew
on electric-light wires, climb on the table.
He leams quickly that there is some kind
of connection between personal liberty and
paying attention to "No." Freedom to explore
the floor is dependent upon staying away
from the fireplace? Okay. But how about the
wastebasket? "No." Are books for tearing?
"No-no." Are cigarettes tasty? "No-no-no."
There is so much that toddlers must be
gently taught not to do that it is small won
der many parents make a refrain of "Don't,"
not realizing that serious problems with older
children are rooted in this period of "No"
and "Stop" prolonged beyond real need.
Here is where independence in its most
limited sense begins to show itself. If we
understand this and stop the tiny ones only
when necessary, our problems with them in
later years become much simpler.
"What's the matter with Jerry? All of a
sudden he opposes me in everything," said a
young mother bewildered by a very common
reaction of children between two and three.
"He says 'No' automatically even when he
means 'Yes.' Yesterday, just to test him, I
said, 'Do you want this candy?' and he said
'No!' happily holding out his hand!"
Nothing was the matter with good little
Jerry. All he was doing was giving back the
word he was always hearing whenever he
initiated some project of his own, and show
ing his mother that he was feeling a bit
hemmed in.
"Ann pays no attention when I tell her to
Family Wttkly. Jm 21, J3f