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About The Evening herald. (Klamath Falls, Or.) 1906-1942 | View Entire Issue (March 21, 1936)
U. S. Budget Problem Solved Fewer Towels for Sena tors! $7000 Worth of Mineral Water All Wet; Politicians Mast Be Using It To Soften Up Beards By Elwood Ullman IHAVK spent all my spare time this week trying to find ways and means whereby the Govern ment can cut down expenses. After carefully studying the national balance sheet for 1935, 1 hit upon some ideas. Take the U. S. Senate. Col. Ed win A. Halsey, its secretary, re ports that total expenses last year amounted to $3,296,852. The list starts off as follows: ; Senate salaries $923,138.00 Vice President's " salary 14,437.00 Investigations ..... 236,000.00 Mineral water ..... 7,000.00 Laundering 5814 towels ; .,' 31.98 Two neckties for Vice President's chauffeur ' "2.00 . We might as well start off with the neckties. Now nobody is sug gesting for one minute that the Vice President's chauffeur go around without a necktie (though this would, for once, focus a. great deal of attention on the Vice President). The purchase was not only reasonable, but commend able. It was very sweet and thoughtful of the Senate to buy the two ties for the chauffeur, and I'm sure he appreciates it. I have seen a picture of the chauffeur sitting up in the front eat of Mr. Garner's car and proudly sporting what seems to be one of the new cravats. An other man might resent wearing a dollar cravat While recognizing the need for Government econo my, he might take the position that neckwear, especially his neckwear. Is no item on which to start scrimping. He might hold out for $2 ties and tell them to make up the difference y cutting that r $989,600,000 .appropriation for the Postofflce Department " But Mr. Garner's chauffeur seems to be perfectly well satis fied with this tie..-The pattern is very striking, not to say demon strative, and Til bet it was the Committee on Indian Affairs that went shopping for It. HOWEVER, I am not finding fault with the pattern. It's the price. If the committee is elated at having got by for $2, I'd like to point out that if they had waited for the January clear ance sales, the two - ties could have been purchased for 8t cents apiece, a saving of 22 cents. I realize that 22 cents is pretty small, but still it's .something and hows the Government what can be done hot only in buying ties Mystery "Ships No. 3 H. M S. WASP FIGHTING YESSEL THAT VANISHED IN 1887 THE sensation of the autumn of I 1887 was a wire from Hong Kong to the British Admiralty: "No trace of Wasp. Gunboats returned. Searched coasts of Co chin China and Hainan." H. M S. Wasp had vanished, to join that list of missing ships of which nothing is heard; an other mystery of the sea. She was a new type of gunboat Her armament was six guns, her engines 1000 horsepower, and she had a displacement of 670 tons as sturdy a fighting vessel as ever was built, and sister ship to six other powerful gunboats built along the same lines. Without mishap she had reached the Malay Peninsula, then sailed from Singapore for Shang hai never to be seen again. The voyage should have taken 16 days, with a stop at Hong Kong. She never saw Hong Kong or any other ship on her trip. . The unsolved mystery was what happened to the Waxpt Did ' ah founder In a typhoon? Did for Mr. Garner's chauffeur, but In handling everything else on that expense list The little sums add up, you know, and by effect ing small economies here and there. It will be possible to make a sizeable reduction in that three billion dollar deficit estimated fot 1936. Investigations will go on, I sup pose, but I'd suggest that the committees watch their expenses a little closer, especially food bills. For instance, I can't see any point In spending i for a table d'hote breakfast in a hotel's main dining-room when you can get one equally satisfying for less than half the amount in the coffee shop. What if the service Isn't so fancy T No. 3, for example, offers orange juice, hot cakes and coffee for 25 cents. No. 4, 35 cents. Is orange Juice, toast coffee and two strips of bacon with one egg. i am just trying to show the Sena tors that they can dine hand somely without being extrava gant Mind you, I'm not suggest ing that they stint themselves. I am the last person in the world that would want our Senators going around looking thin and emaciated. Now let us take up that $7000 item for mineral water. Can It be that the Senate la obsessed with the old bugaboo that tap water is contaminated by bacteria? If so, I would like to point out that we do not have ' scare-cats in the House of Representatives. At least I do not find any claim from them for mineral water. They bend unflinchingly over drinking fountains. OF COURSE, it la possible they are taking chances, just to save the $7000, or what ever it would cost to supply the House with mineral water. But their strenuous life demands prime physical condition and proves, I think, that the danger is imaginary. Getting back to the Senators, I wouldn't want to deprive them of their mineral water if it would make them nervous and unhappy. But $7000 seems a lot for It, even allowing for the thirst they get making speeches. I wonder if they're shaving with it too? Or possibly they aren't getting the deposits back on the bottles. The item that causes me the most concern, the one I am least able to understand, is "$31.98 for laundering 5814 towels for the U. 8. Senate." It appears not once on the list but many times. I would like Secretary Halsey to check this Item again. Maybe some other more terrible fate overtake her? It la rare that a ship goes down without leaving bits of wreckage. Usually she goes to pieces first When the bulk sinks, parts of the vessel are left afloat. The Watp left nothing at all for rumors to feed upon. Did she run ashore along the coast through mishandling? Was she then plundered by pirates, who did away with the crew and destroyed the ship? The captain, it was later learned, did not like his command. He felt that his of ficers were Inexperienced, and his own' responsibility was too heavy. Strangely, she was the second Wasp to be lost within a few years. The first went down off the west coast of Ireland in heavy weather because of "bad naviga tion on the part of the "leers." In both cases seaman 'p may have been at fault The H. M. S. Watp Is one of the few Ironclad vessels In all mari time history to disappear without a trace. Just picture those 5814 towels stacked up to the celling In the Senate washroom. And think of the dreadful consequences that would ensue If an earthquake occurred. some of the Navy's expenses got Into his report by mistake. Maybe it should read, "for laundering 5814 towels for the Asiatic Fleet." WITH 97 men In the Senate, Including the Vice Presi dent, it' means that each man has ABOUT A FIlMia iffllUS sssw 4 1 1 ard' Company , Ino SXth Street, Gentlemen: an old man JSJXi. . when he takes v t,a8 good reas"" noW x those cigjjfced any smoking j arettes , haven't touo on eigare learn to DOUBLE 'MONEY-BACK OFFER as made' to tmoktr tinea Oct 6, 1935 TAKE a sporting chance on a pack ol DtuUt-Mtllnt Old Golds. Smoke ten of the dgatettea. If you don't say they'ie the finest you've ever tatted, mall the package . wrapper and the remaining ten cigarette to ua, any time before May lit, 1936, and we'll send you Jtmbtt the price you paid for the full package, plu$ peitof. (EaUbllahed 119 Wait 40th Street, for 'his personal use 59 and a fraction towels. ( If they rounded out the total to 5820, It would make an even 60.) I cannot see the justification for all these towels. Suppose a Senator washes up four times a day. each time November 16 tasi. , Yours truly ' .'." . "jerry Hurley nld niece, Mad from PRIZE CROP TOBACCOS 1760) (f New York City using soparate towels for his hands and face. (Note: I am not accusing him of taking fresh towels to shine his shoes with.) Even on this recklessly lavish basis, he would only use up eight towels a day, or 48 a week. He V ; ui Betty, A rid M ore Care In Buying Ties For Vice-President's Chauffeur Might Give Taxpayers a Break would still be loft with 11 towels. Now I am not complaining about the Senators sprucing up. I am sure cleanliness should bo encouraged In everyone. It Is a fine reflection on this country when IU Senators go around all day long with their faces bright and shiny and their ears clean. But thoy seem to be going over board on It. I mean they are keep- Ing too clean for the good of the budget , Aftor all, 5814' towels is a lot of burlap, Perhaps It Is the Sen ate's way of keeping up cotton prleca. . , . Just picture those 5814 towels ' stacked up to the celling, row on row, In the Sonata washroom. And think of the dreadful consequences that would ensue If an earthquako v Snapshot of Jetty Hurley taken Ut Fall by hii brother John Jetty's farm Is located on a mouniaimlde, 8 milea ftoia Wallaville, N. Y. (Poat Office, Sclo.) V" Ms occurred and a couplo of Senators got caught In an avalanche of towels. 1 doubt that rescue crews, digging furiously, could get to them Inside of 48 hours ALL THOUK Scnutors not suf. located by towels would be drowned by the overturned juga of mineral water. I hope our lawmukora will take this little treatise to heart If I can only persuude (hem to cut the number of towels In hulf, to a mere 2H07, they mlht get In the hnult of halving everything. , And the next time the Army puts In a requisition for 300 . bombing planes and the Navy de mands a new auior-dreadnatiKht they will give the Army ISO ' bombing planm and the Navy a light cruiser and a nilno sweeper. y, I. LH4 Oft., fcM. PAGE FOUR
