Image provided by: Yamhill County Historical Society; McMinnville, OR
About The Yamhill County reporter. (McMinnville, Or.) 1886-1904 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 31, 1902)
IVhat are Humors?
WIT THAT AVLRTrO A RIOT.
They are vitiated or morbid fluids cour»> John Kronuhani’H Well-Timed Joke
Calmed u Turbulent Crowd.
In« the veins and affecting the tissues.
“There have been a good tunny sto
They are commonly due to defective diges
ries told of the quick wit of actors who
tion but are sometimes inherited.
How do they manifest themselves?
buve turned nu accident or a panic or
In many forms of cutaneous eruption, it row iuto a joke.” said Tom l.eigb.
salt rheum or eczema, pimples and boils, the old-time actor. "A good many of
nd in weakness, languor, general debility. tlie stories are fakes. 1 suppose." be
How are they expelled? By
continued, “hut some are true, and
which also builds up the system that has
suffered from them.
It is the best medicine for all humors.
All active love idealizes— that is, sees
and loves the ideal of the loved one.
Often, indeed, the absorption in the
ideal is so complete that the outer life
is mistakenly supposed to be identical
with it, thus opening the way to shock
and bitter disappointments.
I am sure I’iso's Cure for Consunintion
.lived mv life three years ago. — M rs T h oh .
Bnsstae. Maple street, Norwich. N. Y.,
Feb J7, 1900.
A Lawyer's Fine Distinction.
A lawyer was passing along the street
carrying under his arm a law book
when he was accosted by a friend.
“Ha! Mr. Blank, and where are yon
going to preach today?”
preach, I practice,” replied the lawyer
Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow’s Sooth
ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their
children during the teething period.
A Delu sion.
Willie—Those gold fish you sent
home are fakes.
Simeon—How do you know?
"Why, I took them out of the water
and they turned brown in 15 minutes.”
The wise ones use Hamlin's Wizard
Oil for Rheumatism and l’ain ; the fool
ish onss try experiments.
“Bridget, did the dog eat much when
he got into the pantry?”
"Share, mum, he ate evverything but
the dog biskit.”
there are lots that have never found
their way into print. The press agent
wasn't as numerous or as clever iu the
old days as be is uow.
“I remember au Instance In which
John Brougham carried off a most dif
ficult situation by a clever lilt of im
provisation and saved the old Winter
Garden from tlie disgrace of a riot. It
was the first night on which be played
his burlesque ‘Columbus’ there aud the
house was tilled with his friends.
"Among the most enthusiastic of
these friends were a great crowd of
Fenians, beaded by Mahoney, tlie uiau
who bad just then been elected presi
dent of the Irish republic at the old
Fenian headquarters in 17tli street.
There was a Jollification iu honor of
his election, aud as lie was a personal
friend of Brougham’s it was natural
t a t lie aud ills followers should buy
up all the orchestra seats iu the house
for the opening night, as they did.
“1 was in the cast, and so was Jack
Studly, but if anybody else in tlie com
pany is now alive I don’t remember
who it is. I played tlie part of a big
Indian who tirst appeared on the stage
as a messenger bringing dispatches
“Just as 1 came on a discussion that
had sprung up among some of the ex
cited Fenians developed into a quarrel. I
The bouse was already disturbed aud
there was every prospect of a tight in |
the orchestra in another minute.
Brougham replied to me iu the words
of the piece:
“ ’Confound you. have done!’
“Then turning from me to the foot
lights he went on. ns if it was a part
of Ills speech:
EST© Permanently Cured, pio fits or nervousness
■ ■ l«J after tirst lav’s ueofDr Kline’s Great Nerve
Restorer. Send tor FK E E $*¿.00 trial bottle and treat “Or would you like a band of Fenian
ise. Dn.ll. H K link . Ltd..*»31 ArchSt.. Philadelphia.Pa
All fame abandon to defame each other?
In Nautical Terms.
If with such sentiments I sent out any.
Farson—Yes, on one occasion I mar Remember I’m head center here, Ma
ried four couples in a quarter of an
U m Knives in Quarrels.
In Burntah in Ceylon, and, though
fortunately in a lesser degree, iu Ma
Mr», Valentino Tell» Hon dras, quarrels are constantly occurring
Lydia E. Pinkham’» Vegeta in which knivew are broug it into play
ami serious wounds inflicte I. resulting
ble Oompound Cured Her,
more than often not in d'ath.
knives used in Ceylon are sheath
Happiness will go out of your life knives, and for long the law abiding
forever, my sister, if you have any community has been trying to get the
of the symptoms mentioned in Mrs. authorities insist on these knives being
Valentine’s letter, unless vou act made with a button on tlie tip.
Procure Lydia E. Pink«
ham’s Vegetable Compound at cnee. would thus be rendered harmless for
while still available for
It is absolutely sure to help you. 1 hen stabbing,
write for advice If there is anything legitimate use.
about your ease you do not under
Motors for Fire Engin s
You need not be afraid to tell the
The first town in England to do away
things you could not explain to the
doctor—your letter will be seen only by with horses at the tire stations is Ec
women. All the persons who see priv cles. Mayor F. Smith has supplied the
ate letters at Mrs. Pinkham's Labora engine houses with powerful little mo
tory, at Lynn. Mass., are women. All tors, which were proved successful in
letters are confidential and advice abso every way.
The engine carries five
men, four ladders, 300 yards of hose,
Here is the letter: — “It is with two standpipes and other appliances,
pleasure that I add my testimony to
It is driven by a seven horse power
your list, hop
double cylinder water cooler engine
ing it may in
fitted with variable ignition.
duce others to
avail t h e m-
selves of t he
benefit of your
Mrs. Upchurch—Maud, I wish you
wouldn’t have so much to do with that
young Hinningside. I am told he is a
E. Pinkh .m’s
Miss Maud—Why, mam ma;
agnostics don’t confirm people, do they?
felt very bad
ly, was terribly
A Bad Break in Society.
tired, had sick
Jack Fortune-Hunt—Yes, she reject
ed nte and all because of a bad break I I
gnawing pain I in stomach, pain in my made when I was proposing.
Dick Adams—What was that?
jack and right
side, and so weak I
Jack Fortune-Hunter—Oh I told her
could scarcely stand. 1 was not able
to do anything. Had sharp pains all she was one in a thousand.
through my body. Before I had taken she’s one of the Four Hundred.—Cath
half a bottle of your medicine. I found olic Standard.
myself improving. I continued its use
until I had taken four bottles, and felt
so well that I did not need to take any
When the labor organizations turned
more I am like a new’ person, and
your medicine shall always have mv out the other day several well known
iraise.”—M bs . W P. V alentine , 566 politicians were seen in their ranks.
erry Avenue, Camden. N.J.
“Didn’t know those fellows
longed,” said a querolous onlooker.
“Oh yes,” said a man of informa
Ljfdla E. Pinkham Madldno O*
tion,—“they’re members of the Wire
workers’ Union.”—Indianapolis News.
Society for Preventing Tuberculosis.
THE SWIFT SPECIFIC C0„ ATLANT* CIU
Knolvn and solvn
Ivhereber good crops
¡got Annual FREE.
O. M. FtHNV A CO.
praise*!! This remedy presents unusual at
tractions to those in search of health; it is
mafic <*t HEKBS thst cure in Nature's *\av—by
removing thecattse of disease; it is PUKE: it
cleanses .he system, purities tlie blood ami es
tablishes e perfect action of the digestive or
gans. It is equally gnofi tor young and old.
SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES.
A Home School for Boys.
Military and Manual Training.
Write for Illustrated Catalogue.
ARTHUR C. NEWILL, Principal
KNOW THE VALUE Or
KEEP YOU DRY
LOON »00 ABOVt TPADE "AJIt
ON SALE EVERYWHERE
_ „ GARMENTS
A JTOWEB CO, BOSTON. MASS M
“Mr. Cnmrox Is ouly suffering from '
an ordinary cold. I believe.” said the
"Well.” answered Mrs. Cumrox, |
"we’ve done our best to keep it from I
being ordinary. We’ve sent for the'
most expensive physician in tlie city.”
— Washington Star.
They now say that bad graninnr la
a disease. We are afraid we have IL
Is made in his selection of seed.
Complete Annual Cata
logue for 1902, FREE!
It contains full directions for garde»
work and many useful tables for the
fanner. No one sells better
LAMHEHSUN *8 SEEDS.
New Year Resolutions
For Church, Store,
Hot« I. Unil, Sir ut
Lamps are safe, eco
nomical and relia
ble. See what users
think of them by
C. W. LORD,
thme relief bom liquor, opium and tooiMM«*
hablta, Bend for particulars
BIG MON El FOR AGENTS
Can give von the best bargains In
She—You don’t mean to say pro
fessor, that you have given up all your
studies in the higher mathematics in
order to play golf?
Professor—Yes; I have.
something to discipline my mind.
Wiit 'miils and
Boilers and Engines.
Pumo’ ani General
bee us ueiore ouying.
N. P. N. U.
il KN writing tr» advertisers ploee«
mention this paper.
His One Chance.
taste good. Fat them like candy. They
remove any bad taste in the mouth, leav
ing the breath sweet and perfumed. It Is
a pleasure to take them, and they are
liked especially by children.
sweeten the stomach by cleansing the
mouth, throat and fond channel. That
means, they stop undigested food from
souring in the stomach, prevent gas form
ing in the bowels, and kill disease germs
of any kind that br^ed and feed in the en
are purely vegetable and contain no mer
curial or other mineral poison. They con
sist of the latest discoveries In medicine,
and form a combination of remedies tin-
equaled to make the blood pure and rich
and make cle^n skin and beautiful com
tone the stomach and bowels and stir up
the lazy liver. They do not merely soften
the stools and cauee their discharge, but
strengthen the bowels and put th» m into
lively, healthy condition, making their ac
never yrip nor gripe. They act quietly, pos
itively and never cause any kind of uncom
fortable feeling. Taken regularly they make
the liver act regularly and naturally as it
should. They keep the sew» rage of the body
properly moving and keep the system clean.
Increase the flow of milk in nursing moth
ers. If the mother eats a tablet, it makes
her milk mildly purgative and has a mild
but certain effect on the baby. In this way
they are the only safe laxative for tho
taken patiently, persistently, will cure any
form of constipation, no matter how old or
how often other rem» dies have failed They
are absolutely guaranteed to cure any case,
or purchase money will be cheerfully re
cost 10c. 25c. 60c a box Samptes sent fre#
for the asking. We publish no testimonials
but sell (’aecarets on their merit under ab
solute guarantee to cure. Huy and try a
box to-day. or write us for free simples
The Kind Yon Have Always Bought has borno the signa
ture of Chas. II. Fletcher, and has been made tinder his
personal supervision for over 30 years. Allow no one
to deceive yon in this. Counterfeits, Imitations and
“ «Just-as-g’ood ” are but Experiments, anti endanger the
health of Children—Experience against Experiment«
What is CASTOR IA
Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare
goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It
contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotio
substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms
anil allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind
Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation
and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the
Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy amt natural sleep.
The Children’s Panacea—The Mother’s Friend.
The Kind You Haye Always Bought
Where Hals Come From.
Hat dealers buy principally from the
English and Italian markets. England
furnishes stiff and Italy soft bats.
The Farmer’s First Profit
M.&M.ARCS LAMBERSON - Portland, Oregon
“Goodness! I do hope our young
minister won’t marry that Miss Strong
“I didn’t think you took bo much
interest in him as to care very much.”
“I’nt thinking of myself, that’s all.
If he marries her he’ll never have a
chance to talk except front the pulpit,
A Congenial Caller.
The Maid—"There is a gentleman at and then we’ll suffer.”—Philadel
the door who wishes to see you phia Press.
Tlie Widow—“Does he look like a
The Maid—“Yes, ma’am.”
The Widow—"But, Marie, you know
I'm tn full mourning and can't receive
The Maid—"But this is the young un- ’
"Oh, that's very different. Show
him in.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A member of tlie bar not richly en
dowed with Intellect after years of
brletlessness married a rich widow.
She died. Again he sought a bride
with a large dower and again became
a widower. Then be thought lie would j
return to his long neglected profession, i
He approached nn old friend, who bad,
meanwhile become a Judge of the Su
preme Court, and asked wbat in bls
opinion would be the wisest course for
him to pursue. "Stick to the probate
and matrimonial.” said the Judge.
tinually in the house. In a recent let
ter to Dr. Hartman he says:
State of Oregon,
Salem, May 9, 1898.
The Te-ru-na Medicine Co., Columbus,
Dear Sirs—I have had occasion to
use your Pe-ru-na medicine in my fam
ily for colds, and it proved to be an ex
cellent remedy. I have not had occa
sion to use it for other ailments.
Yours very truly,
W. M. Bird.
It will be noticed that the governor
says he has not had occasion to use Pe-
reason for this is, most other ailments
begin with a cold. Using Pe-ru-na to
promptly cure colds, he protects his
family against other ailments. This is
exactly what every other family in the
United States should do. Keep Pe-ru-
na in the house. Use it for coughs,
colds, la grippe, anti other climatic
affections of winter, and there will lie
no other ailments in the house. Such
families should provide themselves with
a copy of Dr. Hartman’s free book, en
titled “Winter Catarrh.” Address Dr.
Hartman, Columbus, Ohio.
Portland. Oregon. Founded 1870.
Had Found His Strong Point.
A Letter From the Executive Office of Oregon.
Seiling my goods under nt w plan. A
JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, tried article that sells on its merit. Write
quick for particular»« »nd exclntdve ter
Soo tot Morrteoa Streak
Lock Box 606 Portland, Or.
The Real Thing.
A door opener is the Invention of M. I
J. Donnell, of St. Louis, designed pri
marily for the doors of retail stores at
which boys are usually stationed. It
consists of a series of rods connecting
the door witli a lever or wheel, which
may be placed any desired distauce
from the door. By pulling tlie lever
or turning a wheel the operator opens
and closes the door noiselessly, aud
oue boy can attend to a number of
doors connected Iu the same manner.
All the mechanism except the opera
tion appliance Is placed under the tloor.
CAPITOL BUILDING, SALEM, OREGON.
I’e-ru-na is known front the Atlantic
to the Pacific. Letters of congratula
tion and commendation testifying to the
merits of Pe-ru-na as a catarrh remedy
are pouring in front every state in the
union. Dr. Hartman is receiving hun
dreds of such letters daily. All classes
write these letters, from the highest to
The outdoor laborer, the indoor arti
san, the clerk, the editor, the states
man, the preacher—all agree that Pe-
ru-na is the catarrh remedy of the age.
The stage and rostrum, recognizing
catarrh as their greatest enemy, are
especially enthusiastic in their praise
Any man who wishes perfect health
must be entirely free front catarrh.
Catarrh is well-nigh universal; almost
Pe-ru-na is the only
absolute safeguard known. A cold is
the beginning of catarrh.
colds, to cure colds, is to cheat catarrh
out of its victims. Pe-ru-na not only
cures catarrh, but prevents.
household should be supplied with this
Craft in Our Po.ts.
great remedy for coughs, colds and so
There are about $30,000,000 worth of forth.
craft in our Atlantic ami gulf ports any
The governor of Oregon is an ardent
day in the year. The weather bureau admirer of Pe-ru-na. He keeps it con
can reach every vessel master in every
port of material size within an hour iu
case of danger.
A society has been organized in
Moscow, Russia, the members consist
ing of both physicians and laymen, for
the purpose of preventing tuberculosis
hour. Quick work, wasn’t it?
"There was a roar of laughter from by putting into practice those means
Nautical Young Lady—Yes, rather. tlie whole bouse at this, and the Fen
which science has indicated as effective.
Sixteen knots an hour.—London Punch. ians Joined iu It as heartily as any one
hio , c itv of T oledo , (
else. There was no further talk or S tate or L O ucas
C ounty .
Profits in Attar of Roses.
F rank J. C heney makes oath that he is the
indication of trouble and the play went
One of the most profitable products
senior parter of the firm of F. J. CHENEY <fc Co.,
ou without interruption.”—New York doing business in the Citv of Toledo, County of Bulgaria is the oil or attar of roses,
and State aforesaid, and that ssid firm will par
the sum ol ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each which amounts to more than $1,000,000
and every ease of Catarrh that cannot be cured annually. The town of Skipka, where
by the use of H all ’ s C atarrh C ure .
was fought the decisive buttle of the
FRANK J. CHENEY
There it no poison so highly contagious,
TO OPEN STORE DOORS.
Sworn to before me and subscribed in mv Turko-Russian war,
on the 7th of
•o deceptive and so destructive. Don’t be
of the rose
too sure you are cured because all external
I —~v— ’
•igns of the disease have disappeared, and
Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taaen internally and acts
the doctor says you are well. Many per
directly on the blood »nd mucous suriaces ot
sons have been dosed with Mercury and
the system. Send for testimonials, free.
Potash for months or years, and pro
F. J. CHENEY i CO., Toledo, O.
Sold by druggists, 73c.
nounced cured —to realize when too late
Pills are the best.
that the disease was only covered up —
aeo.e. £/*.. iXteSS
“For deep-laid, underground, double-
out again, and to their sorrow and mortifi
dyed, contrary meanness, give me a
cation find those nearest and dearest to
them have been infected by this loath
some disease, for no other poison is so
“Goodness!? What do you mean?”
surely transmitted from parent to child
“They always go to cleaning house
as this Often a bad case of Rheumatism,
just when a man is thinking of going
Catarrh. Scrofula or severe skin disease,
an old sore or ulcer developing in middle
life, can be traced to blood poison con-
Brooklyn, N. Y., Jan. ‘20th:—For many vears
Garfield Tea, The Herb Cure, hits ln-e:t earnitg
in’eariy The Sin °f tho Par0n-'
a reputation that is tare—It is UNIVERSALLY
life, for it remains smoldering in the sys
tem forever, unless properly-treated and
driven out in the beginning. S. S. S. is
the only antidote for this peculiar virus,
the only remedy known that can over
come it and drive it out of the blood, and
it does this so thoroughly and effectually
that there is never a return of the disease
to embarrass or humiliate you afterwards,
cures Contagious Blood
Poison in any and all
stages; contains no
mineral to break down
your constitution ; it is
purely vegetable and the only blood puri
fier known that cleanses the blood and
at the same time builds up the general
Our little book on contagious blood
poison is the most complete and instruc
tive ever issued; it not only tells all
about this disease, but also how to cure
yourself at home. It is free and should
be in the hands of everyone seeking a
cure Send for it.
GOVERNOR OF OREGON
U4rm STSKUSe RCVKDY CO., CttKlGO er SBW TURK«
In Use For Over 30 Years.
tut etwraue cowsisv, tv
•TRvrv. wrw vowu city .
<t iCkfA DFU/A Ph
Paii to *T^ rea<,,r °f this P’P«r wfio will re.
port to us any attempt of substitution, or tal» of
“ something just as good” when Cascareis are called
foe, and furnish evidence upon which ws can convicL All coireapondeoco conlldentMl.
IXL. t Y ’AI v M