Image provided by: Yamhill County Historical Society; McMinnville, OR
About The Yamhill County reporter. (McMinnville, Or.) 1886-1904 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 31, 1902)
IVhat are Humors? WIT THAT AVLRTrO A RIOT. They are vitiated or morbid fluids cour»> John Kronuhani’H Well-Timed Joke Calmed u Turbulent Crowd. In« the veins and affecting the tissues. “There have been a good tunny sto They are commonly due to defective diges ries told of the quick wit of actors who tion but are sometimes inherited. How do they manifest themselves? buve turned nu accident or a panic or In many forms of cutaneous eruption, it row iuto a joke.” said Tom l.eigb. salt rheum or eczema, pimples and boils, the old-time actor. "A good many of nd in weakness, languor, general debility. tlie stories are fakes. 1 suppose." be How are they expelled? By continued, “hut some are true, and Hood's Sarsaparilla which also builds up the system that has suffered from them. It is the best medicine for all humors. Love Idealizes. All active love idealizes— that is, sees and loves the ideal of the loved one. Often, indeed, the absorption in the ideal is so complete that the outer life is mistakenly supposed to be identical with it, thus opening the way to shock and bitter disappointments. I am sure I’iso's Cure for Consunintion .lived mv life three years ago. — M rs T h oh . Bnsstae. Maple street, Norwich. N. Y., Feb J7, 1900. A Lawyer's Fine Distinction. A lawyer was passing along the street carrying under his arm a law book when he was accosted by a friend. “Ha! Mr. Blank, and where are yon going to preach today?” "I don’ preach, I practice,” replied the lawyer Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow’s Sooth ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their children during the teething period. A Delu sion. Willie—Those gold fish you sent home are fakes. Simeon—How do you know? "Why, I took them out of the water and they turned brown in 15 minutes.” The wise ones use Hamlin's Wizard Oil for Rheumatism and l’ain ; the fool ish onss try experiments. Animal. “Bridget, did the dog eat much when he got into the pantry?” "Share, mum, he ate evverything but the dog biskit.” there are lots that have never found their way into print. The press agent wasn't as numerous or as clever iu the old days as be is uow. “I remember au Instance In which John Brougham carried off a most dif ficult situation by a clever lilt of im provisation and saved the old Winter Garden from tlie disgrace of a riot. It was the first night on which be played his burlesque ‘Columbus’ there aud the house was tilled with his friends. "Among the most enthusiastic of these friends were a great crowd of Fenians, beaded by Mahoney, tlie uiau who bad just then been elected presi dent of the Irish republic at the old Fenian headquarters in 17tli street. There was a Jollification iu honor of his election, aud as lie was a personal friend of Brougham’s it was natural t a t lie aud ills followers should buy up all the orchestra seats iu the house for the opening night, as they did. “1 was in the cast, and so was Jack Studly, but if anybody else in tlie com pany is now alive I don’t remember who it is. I played tlie part of a big Indian who tirst appeared on the stage as a messenger bringing dispatches from Washington. “Just as 1 came on a discussion that had sprung up among some of the ex cited Fenians developed into a quarrel. I The bouse was already disturbed aud there was every prospect of a tight in | the orchestra in another minute. “I delivered my message and Brougham replied to me iu the words of the piece: “ ’Confound you. have done!’ “Then turning from me to the foot lights he went on. ns if it was a part of Ills speech: EST© Permanently Cured, pio fits or nervousness ■ ■ l«J after tirst lav’s ueofDr Kline’s Great Nerve Restorer. Send tor FK E E $*¿.00 trial bottle and treat “Or would you like a band of Fenian ise. Dn.ll. H K link . Ltd..*»31 ArchSt.. Philadelphia.Pa brothers. All fame abandon to defame each other? In Nautical Terms. If with such sentiments I sent out any. Farson—Yes, on one occasion I mar Remember I’m head center here, Ma ried four couples in a quarter of an honey. U m Knives in Quarrels. Siok Women In Burntah in Ceylon, and, though fortunately in a lesser degree, iu Ma Mr», Valentino Tell» Hon dras, quarrels are constantly occurring Lydia E. Pinkham’» Vegeta in which knivew are broug it into play ami serious wounds inflicte I. resulting ble Oompound Cured Her, more than often not in d'ath. The knives used in Ceylon are sheath Happiness will go out of your life knives, and for long the law abiding forever, my sister, if you have any community has been trying to get the of the symptoms mentioned in Mrs. authorities insist on these knives being Valentine’s letter, unless vou act made with a button on tlie tip. They promptly. Procure Lydia E. Pink« ham’s Vegetable Compound at cnee. would thus be rendered harmless for while still available for It is absolutely sure to help you. 1 hen stabbing, write for advice If there is anything legitimate use. about your ease you do not under stand. Motors for Fire Engin s You need not be afraid to tell the The first town in England to do away things you could not explain to the doctor—your letter will be seen only by with horses at the tire stations is Ec women. All the persons who see priv cles. Mayor F. Smith has supplied the ate letters at Mrs. Pinkham's Labora engine houses with powerful little mo tory, at Lynn. Mass., are women. All tors, which were proved successful in letters are confidential and advice abso every way. The engine carries five lutely free. men, four ladders, 300 yards of hose, Here is the letter: — “It is with two standpipes and other appliances, pleasure that I add my testimony to It is driven by a seven horse power your list, hop double cylinder water cooler engine ing it may in fitted with variable ignition. duce others to avail t h e m- Surely Not selves of t he benefit of your Mrs. Upchurch—Maud, I wish you valuable rem wouldn’t have so much to do with that edy. Before young Hinningside. I am told he is a taking Lydia confirmed agnostic. E. Pinkh .m’s Miss Maud—Why, mam ma; the Vegetable agnostics don’t confirm people, do they? Compound I felt very bad —Chicago Tribune. ly, was terribly nervous, and A Bad Break in Society. tired, had sick Jack Fortune-Hunt—Yes, she reject headaches, no ed nte and all because of a bad break I I appetite, gnawing pain I in stomach, pain in my made when I was proposing. Dick Adams—What was that? back rig jack and right side, and so weak I Jack Fortune-Hunter—Oh I told her could scarcely stand. 1 was not able to do anything. Had sharp pains all she was one in a thousand. She thinks through my body. Before I had taken she’s one of the Four Hundred.—Cath half a bottle of your medicine. I found olic Standard. myself improving. I continued its use until I had taken four bottles, and felt Horny-Handed. so well that I did not need to take any When the labor organizations turned more I am like a new’ person, and your medicine shall always have mv out the other day several well known iraise.”—M bs . W P. V alentine , 566 politicians were seen in their ranks. erry Avenue, Camden. N.J. “Didn’t know those fellows be longed,” said a querolous onlooker. e5000 nM •*/// be paid thia taatlmo- /a not gt M ,nuina _ “Oh yes,” said a man of informa Ljfdla E. Pinkham Madldno O* tion,—“they’re members of the Wire workers’ Union.”—Indianapolis News. Society for Preventing Tuberculosis. Oonaegious Blood Poison THE SWIFT SPECIFIC C0„ ATLANT* CIU Knolvn and solvn Ivhereber good crops are grohm. Sold everywhere. ¡got Annual FREE. k O. M. FtHNV A CO. praise*!! This remedy presents unusual at tractions to those in search of health; it is mafic <*t HEKBS thst cure in Nature's *\av—by removing thecattse of disease; it is PUKE: it cleanses .he system, purities tlie blood ami es tablishes e perfect action of the digestive or gans. It is equally gnofi tor young and old. SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES. A Home School for Boys. Military and Manual Training. Write for Illustrated Catalogue. ARTHUR C. NEWILL, Principal SEAFARING MEN KNOW THE VALUE Or Family Pride. OILED CLOTHING IT WILL KEEP YOU DRY IN THE WtTTEST WEATHER LOON »00 ABOVt TPADE "AJIt ON SALE EVERYWHERE CATALOGUES FREE _ „ GARMENTS .............. ............. ... EOF ANDHATi A JTOWEB CO, BOSTON. MASS M “Mr. Cnmrox Is ouly suffering from ' an ordinary cold. I believe.” said the sympathetic visitor. "Well.” answered Mrs. Cumrox, | "we’ve done our best to keep it from I being ordinary. We’ve sent for the' most expensive physician in tlie city.” — Washington Star. ION They now say that bad graninnr la a disease. We are afraid we have IL Is made in his selection of seed. Send for Our Complete Annual Cata logue for 1902, FREE! It contains full directions for garde» work and many useful tables for the fanner. No one sells better Seeds than LAMHEHSUN *8 SEEDS. 4SO New Year Resolutions CANDLE POWER. For Church, Store, Hot« I. Unil, Sir ut Lighting. These Lamps are safe, eco nomical and relia ble. See what users think of them by addressing C. W. LORD, Portland, Or. Keeley Cure thme relief bom liquor, opium and tooiMM«* hablta, Bend for particulars Keeley Institute, BIG MON El FOR AGENTS Can give von the best bargains In She—You don’t mean to say pro fessor, that you have given up all your studies in the higher mathematics in order to play golf? Professor—Yes; I have. I wanted something to discipline my mind. Buggies. Plows. Wiit 'miils and Machinery, Boilers and Engines. Pumo’ ani General bee us ueiore ouying. N. P. N. U. No. b—1903. il KN writing tr» advertisers ploee« mention this paper. W His One Chance. taste good. Fat them like candy. They remove any bad taste in the mouth, leav ing the breath sweet and perfumed. It Is a pleasure to take them, and they are liked especially by children. sweeten the stomach by cleansing the mouth, throat and fond channel. That means, they stop undigested food from souring in the stomach, prevent gas form ing in the bowels, and kill disease germs of any kind that br^ed and feed in the en tire system. are purely vegetable and contain no mer curial or other mineral poison. They con sist of the latest discoveries In medicine, and form a combination of remedies tin- equaled to make the blood pure and rich and make cle^n skin and beautiful com plexion. tone the stomach and bowels and stir up the lazy liver. They do not merely soften the stools and cauee their discharge, but strengthen the bowels and put th» m into lively, healthy condition, making their ac tion natural. never yrip nor gripe. They act quietly, pos itively and never cause any kind of uncom fortable feeling. Taken regularly they make the liver act regularly and naturally as it should. They keep the sew» rage of the body properly moving and keep the system clean. Increase the flow of milk in nursing moth ers. If the mother eats a tablet, it makes her milk mildly purgative and has a mild but certain effect on the baby. In this way they are the only safe laxative for tho nursing Infant. taken patiently, persistently, will cure any form of constipation, no matter how old or how often other rem» dies have failed They are absolutely guaranteed to cure any case, or purchase money will be cheerfully re funded. cost 10c. 25c. 60c a box Samptes sent fre# for the asking. We publish no testimonials but sell (’aecarets on their merit under ab solute guarantee to cure. Huy and try a box to-day. or write us for free simples and booklet. The Kind Yon Have Always Bought has borno the signa ture of Chas. II. Fletcher, and has been made tinder his personal supervision for over 30 years. Allow no one to deceive yon in this. Counterfeits, Imitations and “ «Just-as-g’ood ” are but Experiments, anti endanger the health of Children—Experience against Experiment« What is CASTOR IA Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare goric, Drops and Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotio substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms anil allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy amt natural sleep. The Children’s Panacea—The Mother’s Friend. The Kind You Haye Always Bought Where Hals Come From. Hat dealers buy principally from the English and Italian markets. England furnishes stiff and Italy soft bats. The Farmer’s First Profit M.&M.ARCS LAMBERSON - Portland, Oregon “Goodness! I do hope our young minister won’t marry that Miss Strong mind.” “I didn’t think you took bo much interest in him as to care very much.” “I’nt thinking of myself, that’s all. If he marries her he’ll never have a chance to talk except front the pulpit, A Congenial Caller. The Maid—"There is a gentleman at and then we’ll suffer.”—Philadel the door who wishes to see you phia Press. ma’am.” Tlie Widow—“Does he look like a caller. Marie?” The Maid—“Yes, ma’am.” The Widow—"But, Marie, you know I'm tn full mourning and can't receive calls.” The Maid—"But this is the young un- ’ dertaker, ma’am.” "Oh, that's very different. Show him in.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer. A member of tlie bar not richly en dowed with Intellect after years of brletlessness married a rich widow. She died. Again he sought a bride with a large dower and again became a widower. Then be thought lie would j return to his long neglected profession, i He approached nn old friend, who bad, meanwhile become a Judge of the Su preme Court, and asked wbat in bls opinion would be the wisest course for him to pursue. "Stick to the probate and matrimonial.” said the Judge. tinually in the house. In a recent let ter to Dr. Hartman he says: State of Oregon, Executive Department, Salem, May 9, 1898. The Te-ru-na Medicine Co., Columbus, Ohio: Dear Sirs—I have had occasion to use your Pe-ru-na medicine in my fam ily for colds, and it proved to be an ex cellent remedy. I have not had occa sion to use it for other ailments. Yours very truly, W. M. Bird. It will be noticed that the governor says he has not had occasion to use Pe- ru-na for other ailments. The reason for this is, most other ailments begin with a cold. Using Pe-ru-na to promptly cure colds, he protects his family against other ailments. This is exactly what every other family in the United States should do. Keep Pe-ru- na in the house. Use it for coughs, colds, la grippe, anti other climatic affections of winter, and there will lie no other ailments in the house. Such families should provide themselves with a copy of Dr. Hartman’s free book, en titled “Winter Catarrh.” Address Dr. Hartman, Columbus, Ohio. BISHOP SCOTT ACADEMY Portland. Oregon. Founded 1870. Had Found His Strong Point. J Detroit. l*‘ch. 310W1NG FULL A Letter From the Executive Office of Oregon. Seiling my goods under nt w plan. A JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, tried article that sells on its merit. Write quick for particular»« »nd exclntdve ter Soo tot Morrteoa Streak ritory. Lock Box 606 Portland, Or. The Real Thing. A door opener is the Invention of M. I J. Donnell, of St. Louis, designed pri marily for the doors of retail stores at which boys are usually stationed. It consists of a series of rods connecting the door witli a lever or wheel, which may be placed any desired distauce from the door. By pulling tlie lever or turning a wheel the operator opens and closes the door noiselessly, aud oue boy can attend to a number of doors connected Iu the same manner. All the mechanism except the opera tion appliance Is placed under the tloor. — CAPITOL BUILDING, SALEM, OREGON. I’e-ru-na is known front the Atlantic to the Pacific. Letters of congratula tion and commendation testifying to the merits of Pe-ru-na as a catarrh remedy are pouring in front every state in the union. Dr. Hartman is receiving hun dreds of such letters daily. All classes write these letters, from the highest to the lowest. The outdoor laborer, the indoor arti san, the clerk, the editor, the states man, the preacher—all agree that Pe- ru-na is the catarrh remedy of the age. The stage and rostrum, recognizing catarrh as their greatest enemy, are especially enthusiastic in their praise and testimony. Any man who wishes perfect health must be entirely free front catarrh. Catarrh is well-nigh universal; almost omnipresent. Pe-ru-na is the only absolute safeguard known. A cold is the beginning of catarrh. To prevent colds, to cure colds, is to cheat catarrh out of its victims. Pe-ru-na not only cures catarrh, but prevents. Every household should be supplied with this Craft in Our Po.ts. great remedy for coughs, colds and so There are about $30,000,000 worth of forth. craft in our Atlantic ami gulf ports any The governor of Oregon is an ardent day in the year. The weather bureau admirer of Pe-ru-na. He keeps it con can reach every vessel master in every port of material size within an hour iu case of danger. A society has been organized in Moscow, Russia, the members consist ing of both physicians and laymen, for the purpose of preventing tuberculosis hour. Quick work, wasn’t it? "There was a roar of laughter from by putting into practice those means Nautical Young Lady—Yes, rather. tlie whole bouse at this, and the Fen which science has indicated as effective. Sixteen knots an hour.—London Punch. ians Joined iu It as heartily as any one hio , c itv of T oledo , ( else. There was no further talk or S tate or L O ucas C ounty . i Profits in Attar of Roses. F rank J. C heney makes oath that he is the indication of trouble and the play went One of the most profitable products senior parter of the firm of F. J. CHENEY <fc Co., ou without interruption.”—New York doing business in the Citv of Toledo, County of Bulgaria is the oil or attar of roses, and State aforesaid, and that ssid firm will par Sun. the sum ol ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS for each which amounts to more than $1,000,000 and every ease of Catarrh that cannot be cured annually. The town of Skipka, where \IOVEl CONTRIVANCE by the use of H all ’ s C atarrh C ure . was fought the decisive buttle of the FRANK J. CHENEY There it no poison so highly contagious, TO OPEN STORE DOORS. Sworn to before me and subscribed in mv Turko-Russian war, on the 7th of presence, this «th day of December, A. D. Inn* •o deceptive and so destructive. Don’t be July, 1877, is the center of the rose < ( AW. GLEASON, too sure you are cured because all external gardens. I —~v— ’ h'otary Public •igns of the disease have disappeared, and Hall’s Catarrh Cure is taaen internally and acts the doctor says you are well. Many per directly on the blood »nd mucous suriaces ot sons have been dosed with Mercury and the system. Send for testimonials, free. Potash for months or years, and pro F. J. CHENEY i CO., Toledo, O. Sold by druggists, 73c. nounced cured —to realize when too late Hall ’ s Family Pills are the best. that the disease was only covered up — aeo.e. £/*.. iXteSS “For deep-laid, underground, double- out again, and to their sorrow and mortifi dyed, contrary meanness, give me a cation find those nearest and dearest to woman.” them have been infected by this loath some disease, for no other poison is so “Goodness!? What do you mean?” surely transmitted from parent to child “They always go to cleaning house as this Often a bad case of Rheumatism, just when a man is thinking of going Catarrh. Scrofula or severe skin disease, fishing.”—Chicago Hearld. an old sore or ulcer developing in middle life, can be traced to blood poison con- Brooklyn, N. Y., Jan. ‘20th:—For many vears Garfield Tea, The Herb Cure, hits ln-e:t earnitg in’eariy The Sin °f tho Par0n-' a reputation that is tare—It is UNIVERSALLY life, for it remains smoldering in the sys tem forever, unless properly-treated and driven out in the beginning. S. S. S. is the only antidote for this peculiar virus, the only remedy known that can over come it and drive it out of the blood, and it does this so thoroughly and effectually that there is never a return of the disease to embarrass or humiliate you afterwards, cures Contagious Blood Poison in any and all stages; contains no mineral to break down your constitution ; it is purely vegetable and the only blood puri fier known that cleanses the blood and at the same time builds up the general health. Our little book on contagious blood poison is the most complete and instruc tive ever issued; it not only tells all about this disease, but also how to cure yourself at home. It is free and should be in the hands of everyone seeking a cure Send for it. GOVERNOR OF OREGON U4rm STSKUSe RCVKDY CO., CttKlGO er SBW TURK« In Use For Over 30 Years. tut etwraue cowsisv, tv mumfiav •TRvrv. wrw vowu city . <t iCkfA DFU/A Ph ■will Paii to *T^ rea<,,r °f this P’P«r wfio will re. port to us any attempt of substitution, or tal» of “ something just as good” when Cascareis are called foe, and furnish evidence upon which ws can convicL All coireapondeoco conlldentMl. IXL. t Y ’AI v M