Image provided by: Yamhill County Historical Society; McMinnville, OR
About The Yamhill County reporter. (McMinnville, Or.) 1886-1904 | View Entire Issue (July 19, 1901)
Humors Natural causes- A GREAT ACTOR. Juryman—Yes, we brought in a Artist Who Uiecouiite I Booth, Barrett an I Rich.tr 1 Man-ti-ld. They take possession of the body and verdict of death from natural causes. are Lords of Misrule. | Reporter—But an iron beam fell on “Yes, sir," said the old man. unosten They are attended by pimples, bolls, the him from the fourth floor! tatiously annexing a prune while the itchiiiR tetter, salt rheum, and other cu Juryman—Of course. Wasn't that grocery mail's back was turned. “You taneous eruptions; by feelimrs ot weakness languor, general debility and what not. . natural’ You wouldn’t expect it to tellers kin talk ull yer wauter about They cause more suffering than anything fall up on the eighth floor, would Booth'll Barret an' John L. Sullivan an' else. | Health, Strength, Peace and Pleasure you? That's where he ought to have Richard Maustield. but I ain't never require their expulsion, and this is posi ! Iieen at work instead of down in the hearn that any ot 'em ever played tively effected, according to thousands of , basement. niure'n one part In tli’ same show. grateful testimonials, by Hood’s Sarsaparilla far Idea. Miss Bridesoon—What is your idea Which radically and permanently drives them out and builds up the whole system. ' of the ideal lover? Miss Yellowleaf—The one who mar ries. Bound to Be Heard. The Tru*t Probeiu. r<> a thoughtful mind, the trust problem is one of serious import. It must be firmly grappled with, for it creeps upon society before you are aware of its existence, in this respect much resembling the various disorders which attack the stomach, such as const ipat ion. indigestion, d vspepsia. bil iousness, liver a nd kidney troubles. Hos- i tetters Stomach Bitters is the one reliable remedy for all siich ailments. Be sure to give it a trial. Jester—I understand our pastor is goi/ig |o preach through a megaphone hereafter. I Jimson—Why is that? Jester—\V hy, the sleeping mem ' bers of the congregation snore so loudly that the others can’t hear. Hoitt’s School. At Menlo Park, San Mateo County, Cal., with its beautiful, surroundings, perfect climate, careful superv non, thorough instruction^ complete laboratories, and gymnasium, easily maintains its position in the front ranks of schools tor boys <>n the Pacific Coast. Ira G. Uoitt, Ph. D., Principal. Station for Observing Earthquakes. The academy of science at Vienna has resolved to establish a novel sta tion for the observation of earth quakes, in a silver mine 100 meters below the surface. The Best Prescription for Malaria Chills and Fever is a bottle of Grove’s Tasteless Chill Tonic. It is simply iron and quinine in a tasteless form. No Cure. No Pay. Price 50c Clearly True. Signs of Spring. “Have you beard a robin yet?” “No, but I’ve seen a woman with her head tied up in a towel beating a carpet in the back vard. ” FORTUNE’S PHASES. THE UPS AND DOWNS IN THE LIFE OF A CLERK. A Tale of Misfortune and Misery With a Happy Ending —The World Seemed “What do think of this idea that Ail Very Dark for a While. Mars is sending signals?” asked Mr. A clerk’s life, ordinarily, is a very Beechwood. “There’s nothing on earth in it!” humdrum one with but very little replied Mr. Homewood, emphatically. variety to the daily routine. But Mr. Fred R. Morton of No. 80 Vesper Mothers will find Mrs. Winslow’s Sooth street, Portland Me., had an experi ing Syrup the best remedy to use for their ence recently which has made his life children during the teething period. now a very happy one. In telling a reporter of what he went through he His Reason. said: First Tramp.—Why didn’t yer “I had been suffering with stomach swipe dat feller’s chainless bicycle trouble for about two years. Every datyer went after last niight? day about ten o'clock in the morning Second Tramp—Well, I found out and three o’clock in the afternoon 1 dere was a chainless dorg in de yard. became faint and felt so bad that if I did not sit down I would fall. That EBTC Permanently Cured. No fits or nervousncsr sensation usually lasted for about an ■ I IQ after first <I ht ’ h iirp of Dr Kline’s Great Nerve Restorer, »endtor FREEST.OOtriulbottleandtreat hour and when noon came I had no ise. Da. R. H K link , Ltd..V31 Arch St.. Philadelphia. Pa. appetite for lunch. “I saw Dr. Williams’ Pink Pills for Revolution of Watch Wheels. Pale People advertised in the daily The main wheel of a watch makes papers about a year ago and decided 1,460 revolutons in a year ; the second to try them. I felt relief from the or center wheel, 8,760; the third first box and after I had taken six wheel, 70,080; the fourth wheel, 525,- boxes my disease was cured. I do not 600; and the fifth or scape wheel. take them now but always keep them 4,731,860. i in the house. I have told my friends what these pills have done for me and TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tablets. All should I know of any one’s being sick druggists refund the money if it falls to cure. as I was I should recommend Dr. EL W. Grove’s signature is on each box. 25c. Williams’ Pink Pills for Pale People. ” Mr. Morton’s statement was pub Down in the Stogie Belt. lished in the Portland Express after Visitor—Do you ever have any he had sworn to it before Marshall H. B.moke consumers in Pittsburg? Purrington, a notary public. Pittsburger—Yes; each resident The most effective remedy in the consumes his own share. world in cases of this kind is Dr. Wil Beware of Ointment! for Catarrh That liams’ Pink Pills for Pale People. They act directly on the blood and Contain Mercury, This makes them invaluable As mercury will surely destroy the sense of nerves. smell and completely derange the whole sys not only for stomach trouble but also tem when entering ft through the mucous sur faces. Such ari icles should never be used ex for such diseases as locomotor ataxia, cept on prescriptions from reputable physi partial paralysis, St. Vitus’ dance, cians, as the damage they will do is ten fold to neuralgia, rheumatism, the good you can possibly derive from them. sciatica, Hall’s Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. J. nervous headache, the after effects Cheney <fc Co., Toledo, O., contains no mercury, and is taken internally, acting directly upon of the grip, palpitation of the heart, the blood and mucous surfaces of the system. pale and sallow complexions and all In buying Hall’s Catarrh Cure be sure you get the genuine. It is taken internally, and made forms of weakness either in male or I In Toledo, Ohio, by F. J. Cheney A Co. Testi female. Dr. . Williams’ Pink Pills I monials free. for Pale People are sold by all deal Sold by Druggists, price 75c. per bottle. Hall’s Family Pills are the best. ers, or will be sent postpaid on receipt i of price, fifty cents a box, or six boxes Spring Shades. : for two dollars and fifty cents (they “Nature is painting the world with are never sold in bulk or by the hun generous coats of green,” remarked dred) by addressing Dr. Williams Mrs. Bellefield, as she sat on her porch Medicine Co., Schenectady, N. Y. and watched the rain falling on the Wanted to Know. grass and young leaved trees. Papa—Oh, no! Washington never “And using watercolors, ” added Mr. told a lie. Bellefield. Johnny—Who attended to that part Mama Eate a Caecarat. of his strategy for him, pa? Baby get« the benefit. Nursing mother» m»lte their inilk mildly purgative with Cakearets, the only safe laxative tor babies. All druggist«, 10c, 25c, 50c. Later. Pshaw! Anybody kin do that, but when it comes down to doin’ five or six parts, 1 call that actin'. I think th* greatest' actor I ever seed was with th last ’Uncle Tom's Cabin’ troupe that came through here. Lord, but it was a tine show! Two ’Unde Toms,’ two Topsies.’ two ’Lawyer Markses,’ two everything. Fust 1 seed of th' feller he was heatin' the snare drum in the street parade an' leadin' them Cublan blood hounds at tli’ same time. That night he took tickets nt th' door, an’ when the curtain went up 1 seed that he was actin’ the part of 'St. Clair.’ Later on in th' play he acted one of th’ 'Lawyer Markses,’ then came out as that quaker chap, an’ ’tween acts denied if he didn’t do an aerobatic specialty thet wuz tine. Gosh, but he wuz sweatin’ when th ecurtaln went down, and 1 thought he'd be near dead, but dog- goned if he wasn't at the door sellin’ pictures of 'Little Evy’ as we went out. 1 happened to be down town late that night, and who should I see goin’ 'long th' street but that actor. He was wheelin’ the trunks down to the depot. Now, sirs, he’s what I call a great , actor!”—Kansas City Independent. j are so placed that physical exertion Active. is not constantly demanded of them it their daily life. “By the wav, old Gotrox is not in We make a special appeal to mothers- active business now, is he?” of large families whose work is -level “I should call it active. He is donq. and many of whom suffer, anc. dodging taxes at u more lively rate suffer for lack of intelligent aid. To women, voung or old, rich ot than any man in town.” p<K»r, we extend an invitation to accept Didn't Like It. free advice. Oh. women ! do not let "What does t he teacher say when you don’t know your lessons?” asked Willie’s father. “She says I must be a ehip oft' the old blockhead,” replied Willie, and then something happened. Mistress—I wouldn’t hold the baby so near the tiger’s cage, Nora. Nora (the nurse)—There’s no risk, I mum. th’ tiger is a “man eater,’ and | th’ child is a gur-rul. Perils of the Poles. M bs . Count IN TH£ BEGINNING SLICKER IT B9Rt THIS TRADE MAK I ! This gixnnture is on every box ot the genuine Laxative Bromo*Quinine Tablet, the remedy n col<l in one day WHICH 8 STILL TO K FOVNA ON TNI BEST OILED CLOTHING. OH 3ALB tVERYWHERt. BEWARE OE IrtITATIONS. Her Lack. CATALOGUES FREE The Illinois woman who called her husband a jackass and then got mad because he called her his better half does not seem to know such a thing as justice. is best time to cure Catarrh, Bronchitis »nd CoiiBnmptioii. Our remedy is guaranteed, |1. I*. O. Box »7 3. H. Y •J SHOWING FULL LINE OF GARMENTS AND MATA A J.TOWER CO. BOSTON, MASS, ¿r Where do You Sell Your Hides? nvrwr. Wealways pay the Highest Price. Chas. La Mastick & Co. 75 Front St., cor. Oak, Portland, Or. FARM MACHINERY AND SUPPLIES! FREE TO FARMERS MilwaukeeBintiers LEAD------------- —‘ Do You Keep Horses, Latchless Reel Concave Drive Wheel Light Draft Our 1901 Vehicle Book Our 1901 Implement Catalogue JUST ISSUED. Send your name and P. O. addres« and we will mail one or both, as desired, free of all charge. Or cattle, sheep or pigs? If so you want good fences. Send for free book and pictures telling about the best and cheapest fences on earth. Port land Anchor Fence Co., 742 Nicolai First and Taylor Sta street, Portland, Oregon. Mitchell, Lewis & Staver Co., PORTLAND, OR. CATALOGUE FREE. J. A. FREEMAN, Gen’l Agt. 200 E. Wator St., Portland, Ora. Complete Stock of Water A. Wood Extras. 3 A Vain Hope. Flushing—Didn't you join another Don’t Worry club lust week, Harriet? Mrs. Flushing —Yes; I hope you don’t object to my belonging to two Don’t Worry clubs, Henry. Flushing (abjectly)—Oh, no, Har- rite; but I had hoped that they would keep you from worrying me some what I GEISLER PATENTS COMPANY. Chamber of Commerce, PORTLAND, OREGON. I am sure Piso’s Cure for Consumption saved my life three years ago.—Mas. T hob . R obbins ’ Maple street, Norwich, N. Y., Feb. 17, 1900._________________ Social Training. Miss Gotrichkwick—Please, Sir, is this a training school? Principal—It is. “Please, Sir, I wish to learn how to eat olives. ” Secures patents for inventions ill the I nited States and foreign countries. Also negotiates mar kets and defends patent inven tions. No better terms or facilities than we offer obtainable any where. Payment of our fees may be deferred till patent is allowed. Write for pamphlet. The Wonder of the âge Th« great Airship, 228 feet long and 56 high, now building at san Francisco, Cali fornia, will make its first voyage about Sep tember 15th. EVERY O> E h I khi M have a few SHARES. They »re now selling at |2.00 a share, and will be worth ||U0 alter the ship has made her first voyage Send orders for stock with check or money order to Cal. Aerial Navigation <’<»., care of Columbian Banking Co., San Francisco, Cal. Hotel Flavel Opens for Beason June 23, 1901. Col. J. F. Harvey, Manager ture of Chas. II. Fletclicr, mid has been made under his personal supervision for over 30 years. Allow no one to deceive you in this. Counterfeits, Imitations anil “ .Tust-as-g-ooil ” arc but Experiments, anil endanger the health of Children—Experience against Experiment. What is CASTOR IA Castoria is a harmless substitute for Castor Oil, Pare goric, Drops atul Soothing Syrups. It is Pleasant. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor other Narcotic substance. Its age is its guarantee. It destroys Worms and allays Feverishness. It cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. It relieves Teething Troubles, cures Constipation and Flatulency. It assimilates the Food, regulates the Stomach and Bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. • The Children’s Panacea— The Mother’s Friend. The Kind You Have Always Bought THE ••MONTEREY” OF OREGON. Most beautiful and perfectly equipped sum mer resort. Every convenience and comfort. Free bus from hotel to surf. Bathing, fishing, dancing, bowling. A splendid hotel with lovely surroundings Under new management thin year. For rat» ■ and reservations address HOTEL FLAffL, Ftawl, Or*. Or J. La MITCHELL, S15 Marquam Bldg,. Portland, Or*. Springtime Resolutions th V Keeley Cure Bure relief fiom liquor, opium and tobacco habit». Bend fee particulars to JX1— Knley InstltHt«. JOHN POOLE, Portland, Oregon, Foot o( Morrison Street. Can give yon Ruegiee, Plow., Win.’milla and Machinery. See Japanese University for Women. The Japanese university in Toklo, ex cluslvely for women, la approaching completion, and will be opened some time tbla year. Three rich Japanese men have given enough to insure the completion of the bulldinga. MB led. With one Lever Raising and Lowering Device “Mustache cups?” said the clerk in j the chinaware department. “Yes, sir. Here’s a pretty design. Cup and saucer, one forty-nine. " “But,” said Mr. Porque Pacque, “that ain’t the saucer that goes with >t.” "O, yes.” Kilkenny Castle on Oct. 5. 18-1-1, he suc “Not much it ain’t. There ain’t ceeded the secon I marquis, his father, no mustache guard on it.” Her Frugality. CURE CONSTIPATION. ... THCRS WAS ONLY ONC The Saucer’s the Thing. A well-known English woman who is famous for her taste In dress was re cently asked by a young aspirant not very well acquainted with her London liow much pin money was required by a woman who “went about a good deal, but wasn’t really extravagant. She re plied: “If you’re very careful you can man age to dress on $2,000 ■ year.” and after a slight pause she added, with modest pride: “I used to somehow, when Bobble and I were first married and hadn't six pence.” Pleasant. Palatable. Potent. Taste Good. Do Good. Never Sicken. Weaken, or Gripe 10c. 25c. 50c. Three expeditions are trying to your lives be sacrificed when a word of locate the south pole, and six are advice at the first approach of weak after the one at the other end of the ness. may fill your future years with world. This means nine new faces healthy joy. Address a letter to Mrs on the lecture platform next year. When von take Grove's Tasteless Chill Tonic, because the formulais plainly printed on every bottle showing, that it is simnly Iron and Qui nine in a tasteless form. No Cure, Ne Vay. 60c. heap of bones and gristle which was referred to by the butcher as joints and steaks. She was evidently very poor Indeed, as she hesitated to pay 3d for a scaleful of "selected bits.” “'Ere.'ave'em for tuppence,” growled the butcher. “Too much,” said the woman. " 'Ave 'em at a penny.” Still the woman hesitated. There was a look of pity, mixed with disgust, on his face as he yelled: “Still too much? 'Ere. 'ang It! I'll turn me back while you sneak ’em!”— London Spare Moments. wife had pimple» oil her fare, but ■be has oevn t.kkiug QASCARETS and they have all disappeared. I had been troubled with constipation (or some time but after tak ing the first Cascuret I have had no trouble with this ailment. We cannot speak too high ly of ('aseareis ” F hkd W aiitman . 5708 Germantown Ave.. Philadelphia. Pa B kllbvillb . YOU KNOW WI1AT YOU ABE TAKING Deficient in Dead Languages. PIMPLES •teriiMf Hemedy (oapiay, <tel«n<K, NMlrttl, No Risk. Patient—Doctor, would you mind stopping at the drug store and pay ing for this prescription. I’m short of change. Doctor (hurridly writing another prescription)—Excuse me. I made a mistake. You don’t need any nerve medicine. in the great estates of the marqu sate In 1854. lie was educated at Harrow and Joined the First Life Guards in 18l>3. retiring with the rank of captain ten years later. The marquis has al ways been devoted to the pastime of yachting and is himself an excellent sailor. His marchioness is the daugh ter of the first Duke of Westminster. tei CURLS WHERE All ELSE FAILS. Q IwJ Best Cough Syrup. Ta. tea Good. Use PM l pl In time. Sold bv druggist*. 1- - < Progress Among Florida Negroes An industrial school for Negroes is promised in Florida, thus putting that state on a par with other of the southern states in the education of the colored people. Made a Mistake. Again the two illustrious men met. Observer—You don’t sweat much “McSweeney, ” said the governor The Lowest Price. of North Carolina to the governor of at your work? A cheap-jack butcher brought his eart Laborer—I guess not; a dollar a to a standstill in Petticoat lane. A South Carolina, with deep solemnity, day ain’t sweatin’ wages. “have you joined the Buffaloes?” miserable old woman eyed closely the THE SWIFT SPECIFIC COMPANY. ATLANTA. QA. Horrible Combination. “What a saving of time, and other things there would be,” remarked the observer of events and things, "if a man could take his first ocean voyage and his first smoke at the same time. ” In this workaday world few women Pinkham's Laboratory, Lynn Mass. and you will not be disappointed. MARQUIS OF ORMONDE “ When 1 began to take Lydia E Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound I was Succeed* Kin« Edward ns Commodore not able to do mv housework. 1 suf of the Yacht Squadron. fered terribly at time of menstruation The Marquis of Ormonde is now the Several doctors told me they could d< commodore of the Royal Yacht Squad nothing for me. Thanks to the Pink ron. succeeding King Edward in that ham advice and medicine I aru now position. The Duke of Leeds has been well, and can do the work for eight it the family. made vice-commodore. “I would recommend Lydia E. Pink Lord Ormonde is one of the most no ham’s Vegetable Compound to all table men in the Irish peerage. He Is mothers with large families.” — M rs the hereditary chief butler of Ireland C arbib B elleville . Ludington, Mich and vice-admiral of Leinster. Born at Cardinal Pedro Gonealez was a pious man who believed in the gospel of peace. He noticed one day that a priest in his train carried a short sword under his cloak. The cardinal reproved him. saying that a cleric should not carry arms. “True,” answered the priest humbly, “but I carry the weapon only to defend myself should I lie attacked by a dog.” “In that case,” said the cardinal, “and if I saw a dog running toward me, I should begin to recite the Gospel of John.” “That,” returned the priest, “would STon* ffce Oough and Work. Off th. Cold. be a wise thing, indeed, but may It not Laxative Bromo-Quinine Tablets cure a cold in be that there are some dogs that do not nn© day. .No cure, No Pay. Price 26 cents. understand Latin?”—Youth’s Com Not That Kind. panion. Scrofula is an unwelcome legacy, but one which the children of blood poisoned parentage must accept, with all its humiliating consequences. It is an inheritance that makes one poorer; that brings wretchedness and disease instead of health _ and riches, for the child whose ancestral blood is tainted with Scrofula or the loathsome virus of Contagious Blood Poison is unfitted for the arduous duties of life so long as any of the transmitted poison remains 1 in its veins. Scrofula manifests itself in various forms; swollen glands about the neck and throat, catarrh of the head, weak eyes, hip bone disease, white swelling and offensive sores and abscesses are familiar symptoms, attended usually with loss of strength, poor digestion and pale or bloodless complexion. The skin is sometimes most dreadfully affected, eruptions breaking out on all parts of the body. Scrofula destroys bone, tissue and flesh; no part of the human svstem escapes its withering, benumbing touch. wn. — nineteen — ------------- When years -t-s old, end ahnnf about nvtA one VAAt year _ Parents who»- blood is pois after the birth of my drat child, the glands on oned by their own misdeeds, the laft aldo of my nook began to swell. Four of the places ware 1 snood end became open running or who themselves may be cores; risings came under my left arm, and the suffering for the sina of some diackarge was simply awful. The doctors eaid I remote ancestor, must re kad tha worst case of Borofnla they had aver store their own blood to its seen. I took iodide of potaaelum, but thia nor normal purity and strength, tha other drugs given for this disease brought or they cannot expect relief. When the »hyeloians advised me to have healthy, robust children. the glands removed, I deeidod to try 8. S. 8. A few bottles cured me completely; no signs of S. S. S. cures Scrofula, like tha terrible disease are loft. __ other diseases of a deep- XM8. BIOHARD WASKOM, seated, constitutional charac Golden Corners, Okie. ter, by restoring life and purity to the profoundly poisoned blood, and the rich, strong blood that is carried to the swollen and diseased glands absorbs and destroys the tuberculous deposits, aad the painful, disfiguring sores and other evidences of Scrofula disappear. 8. S. S. should be begun immediately upon the appearance of the first symp toms. or where there is a known predisposition to Scrofula. Our medical depart ment will be found of great help to those who are struggling with this wasting disease of herrdffv nr any other blood trouble, and we invite you to write us. Should you or anv member of your family need advice, our physicians will cheer fully give the information you desire, for which we make no charge. Book OB Blood and Skin Diseases free. > To Mothers of Large Families In Use For Over 30 Years. ▼we etintua wtHfti. rr ■vim»» »vw«rr. new ▼»»« orw. M. p. a. u. the beet bargain« in Holier* and Enginea, Pump« ani General ua before buying so. ae-ieeu HKN writing te advert leer, please mention thTe paper. W