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About The Hood River glacier. (Hood River, Or.) 1889-1933 | View Entire Issue (June 21, 1901)
I pOORHOUSEn jpAUCE I CHAPTEU XI. In the old brown school bouse, over shadowed by apple trees '"I sheltered, on the west by i long, steep hill, where" the acorns and wild (trapes grew, Mary Howard taught littto Hock of twenty five, coaxing some, urging otberi and teaching them all by her kind wordi and winsome ways to love her a they had never before loved an Instructor. When first ahe waa proposed at a teacher In Kiee Corner, Widow Perkins, and a few others who hud no children to send, held up their hands in aniaieiueut, wondering "what the world waa comiu' to, and if the committeeman, Mr. Knight, 'posed they waa goln' to be rid over rnmrlmhod hr a town pauper; but she couldn't get Mtiffcut, for the orthodox minister wouldn't give her one; and If he did, the t'nitarlan minister wouldn't'." Accordingly, when it was known that the ordeal had been passed and that Mary had in her possession a piece of pa per about three Inches square, authoris ing her to teach a common district school, Hi ix worthy conclave concluded that "either everybody had lost their senses or else .Miss Mason, who was present at the examination, had sat by and whis pered In her ear the answers to all hard questions." "In all my born days I never seen any thing like It," said the widow, as she distributed her green tea, sweetened with brown sugar, to a party of ladles, which she was entertaining. "But you'll see, Bhe won't keep her time mor'n half out Sally Ann, pass them nutenkes. No body's goin' to send their children to pauper. There's Miss Bradley says she'll take her'u out the first time they get licked. Have some more sass, Miss Dodge. I want It eat up, for I believe It's a-workin' but I telled her that warn't the trouble, Mary' too softly to hurt miskeeter. And so young, too. It's' government she'll lack in. If any body'll have piece of this dried apple pie, I'll cut It.' Fortunately, Mary knew nothing of Mrs. Perkins displeasure, and never dreamed thnt any feeling existed toward her save that of perfect friendship. Since we last saw her, she had grown Into fine, healthy looking girl. Her face nd figure were rouud and full, and her com plexion, though still rather pale, was clear as marble, contrasting well with her dark-brown hair and eyes, which no longer seemed unnaturally large. Still, she was not beautiful, it is true, and yet Billy was not far from right when he called her the finest looking girl In Chico pee: anil it was for this reason, perhaps, that Mrs. Campbell watched with jeal ousy. Every possible pains had been taken with Ellas education. The best teach- ers had been hired to Instruct her, and she was now at a fashionable seminary, but still Bhe did not possess one-half the ease and gracefulness of manner which seemed natural to her sister. The two girls had seen but little of each other; and oftentimes when Ella met her sister she merely acknowledged her presence by a nod or a simple "how d ye do? When she heard that Mary was to be teacher she said "she was glad, for It was more respectable than going Into a factory or working out." Mrs. Campbell, too, felt in duty bound to express" her pleasure, adding that "she hoped Mary would give satisfaction, but 'twas ex tremely doubtful, she was so young, and possessed of so little dignity!" Unfortunately Widow Perkins' red cot tage stood directly opposite the school house; and as the widow belonged to that stiming few who always "wash the breakfast dishes and make the beds be fore anyone Is up in the house," she had ample leisure to watch and report on he proceedings of the new teacher. Now, Mrs. Perkins' clock was like Its mis tress, always half an hour in advance of the true time, and Mary had scarcely taught a week ere Mr. Knight, "the com mitteeman," was duly hailed in the street and told that the "schoolmarra wanted lookin' to, for she didn't begin no morn ln' till half-past nine, nor no afternoon till half-past one! Besides that," she added, "I think she gives 'em too long a play spell. Anyways, seems ef some on 'em was out o' doors the hull time." Mr. Knight had too much good sense to heed the widow's complaints, and he merely replied: "I'm glad ou't. Five hours is enough to keep little shavers cramped up in the house glad on't." The widow, thus foiled in her attempts at making disturbance, finally gave up the strife, contenting herself with quis ling the older girls, and asking them if Mary could do all the hard sums in arith metic, or whether she took them home for Mrs. Mason to solve! In spite, however, of these little an noyances, Mary was contented and hap py. She knew that her pupils loved her, and that the greater part of the district Were satisfied, so she greeted the widow with her pleasantest smile, and by al ways being particularly polite, finally overcame her prejudice to a considerable extent. One afternoon about the middle of July, as Mrs. Terkins was seated by her front window engaged in "stitching shoes," a very common employment in some parts of New England, her atten tion was suddenly diverted by a tall, stylish-looking young man, who, driving his handsome horse and buggy under the shadow of the apple trees, alighted and entered into conversation with a group of little girls who were taking their usual recess. Mrs, Perkins' curiosity was aroused, and Sully Ann was called to see who the stranger was. But for a wonder Sally Ann didn't know, though she "guessed the hoss was one of the East Chicopee livery." "He's talkin' to Liddy Knight," said she, at the same time holding back the curtain and stepping aside so as not to be visible herself. "Try if you can hear what he's sayin'," whispered Mrs. Perkins; but a class of boys in the school house just then struck Into the multiplication table, thus effec tually drowning anything which Sally Ann might otherwise have heard. "I know them children will split their throats. Can't they hold up a minute,' exclaimed Mrs. Perkins, greatly annoyed at being thus prevented from overhearing a conversation the nuttue of which Bhe could not even guess. The stranger was at that moment smil ingly saying: "Tell me more about her. Does she ever scold, or has she too pretty a mouth for that?" "No, she never scolds," said Delia Frost, "and she's got the nicest white teerh, and I guess she knows it, too, for she shows them a great deal." "She's real white, too,' rejoined Lydia Knight, "though pa says she used to be jailer as saffron." Ber there was gentle rap upon the window, and the girls, starting off, ex claimed: "There, we must go In." "May I go, too?" asked the stranger, following them to the door. "Introduce mc as Mr. Stuart." Lydla had never Introduced anybody In her life, and, following her companions to her aeat, she left Mr. S'linrt standing in the doorway. With her usual politeness, Mary came forward and received the stranger, who gave his name as Mr. Stu art, aaylng "he felt much Interested in common schools, and therefore had ven tured to call." Offering the seat of honor, Mary re sumed her usual duties, occasionally casting a look of curiosity at the stranger. whose eyes seemed constantly upon ner. It was rather warm that day, and when Marv returned from her dinner Widow Perkins was greatly shocked at seeing her attired In a light pink muslin dress, the short sleeves of which showed to good advantage her round, white arms. A nar row velvet ribbon confined by small brooch and a black silk apron, completed her toilet, with the exception of a tiny locket, which was suspended from her neck by a slender gold chain. This last ornament Immediately riveted Mr. Stu art's attention, and from some strango cause ent the color quickly to his face. After a time, as if to ascertain whether It were really a locket or a watch, he ask ed "if Miss Howard could tell him the hour?" "Certainly, sir," said she, and stepping to the desk and consulting a silver time piece about the size of a. dining plate, she told him that It was half-past three. When school was out Mr. Stuart, who seemed In no haste whatever, entered in to a lively discussion with Mary concern ing schools and books, adroitly managing to draw her out upon all the leading top ics of the day. At Inst the conversation turned upon flowers; and, when Mary chanced to mention Mrs. Mason's beauti ful garden he instantly expressed a great desire to see it, and finally offered to ac company Mary home, provided she had no objections. She could not, of course, say no, and the Widow Perkins came very near letting her buttermilk biscuit burn to a cinder when she saw the young man walking down the road with Mary. Arrived at Mrs. Mason's, the stranger managed to make himself so agreeable that Mrs. Mason invited him to stay to tea. Whoever he was, he seemed to un derstand exactly how to find out what ever he wished to know; and before tea was over be had learned of Mary's In tention to attend the academy In Wil braham the next autumn. Finally he said good-night, leaving Mary and Mrs. Mason to wonder the one what he came there for, and the oth er whether he would ever come again. The widow, too, wondered and fidgeted as the sun went down behind the long hill. "It beats all nater what's kept him so long," said she, when he at last appear ed and, unfastening his horse, drove off at a furious rate; "but If I live I'll know all about It to-morrow;" and with thl consolatory remark she returned to the best room and for the .emaiuder of the evening devoted herself to the entertain ment of Uncle Jim and his wife, Aunt Dolly. That evening Mr. Knight, who had been to the postofflce, called at Mrs. Ma son s, bringing witn Dim a letter wnich bore the Boston postmark. Passing it to Mary, he winked at Mrs. Mason, saying, "I kinder guess how all this writiu works will end; but hain't there been t young chap to see the school?" "Yes; how did you know it?" returned Mrs. Mason, wuile Alary nuslieu more deeply than she did when Billy's letter was handed her. "Why, you see," answered Mr. Knight, "I was about at the foot of the Blanch- ard hill, when I see a buggy coming like Jehu. Just as it got agin me it kinder slackened and the fore wheel ran off smack and scissors." "Was he hurt?" quickly asked Mary. "Not a bit on't," said Mr. Knight, "but he was scared some, I guess. I got out. and helped him, and when he heard I's from Itiee Corner he said he'd been into school. Then he asked forty-'leven ques tions about you, and jest as I was settin' you up high, who should come a-canterin' up, with their long-tailed gowns, and hats like men, but Ella Campbell and a great white-eyed pucker, that came homo with her from school? Either, Ella's horse was scary or she did It a purpose, for the minit she got near it began to rare, and she would have fell off if that man hndu' catched It by the bit and held her on with t'other hand. I alius was the most sanguinary of men, and I was buildin castles about him and our little school marm, when Ella came along, and I giu it up, for I see that he was took, and she did look handsome, with her curls a flyin' Wall, as I wasn't of no more use, I whipped up old Charlotte and come on.' "When did Ella return?" asked Mary who had not before heard of her sister arrival. "I don't know," said Mr. Knight. "The first I see of her was cuttin' through the streets on the dead run; but I ninstn' stay here gabbin', so good-night, Miss Mason good-night, Mary hope you've got good news in that ar letter." The moment he was gone Mary ran up to her room to read her letter, from which we give the following extract "You must have forgotten George More land, or you would have' mentioned him to me. I like him very much, Indeed, and yet I could not help feeling a little jealou when he manifested so much Interest in you. Sometimes, Mary, I think that for a brother, I am getting too selfish, and I do not wish anyone to like you except myself, but I surely need not feel so to ward George, the best friend I have in Boston. He is very kind, lending me books, and has even offered to use his in fluence in getting me a situation In one of the best law offices in the city." After reading this letter Mary sot for a long time thinking of George Morelan of the time when she first knew him of all that William Bender had been to her since and wondering, as girls some times will, which she liked the best. Billy unquestionably had the strongest claim to her love, but could he have known how much satisfaction she felt in think ing that George still remembered and felt interested in her he would have bad some reason for fearing, as he occasionally did, that she would never be to hiin aught save a sister. CHAPTER XII. The summer was drawing to a close, and with it Mary's school. She had suc ceeded In giving satisfaction to the en tire district Mr. Knight, with whom Mary was a great favorite, offered her the school for the coming winter, but she had decided upon attending school her- .. . 1 41- J .1 1 r, ! r. Ma ftf. aeir, anil aner raiinu; u.-. fer, told him of her Intention. "But where' the money comliig from? saiil he. Mary laughingly asked him how many bags of shoes he supposed Bhe had stitch ed durlug the last two years. "More'u two hundred, I'll bet," said he. "Not quite as many as thnt." answered Mary; "but still I have managed to earn my clothes and thirty dollars besides; and tils, together with my school wages, will pay for one term and part of another." "Well, go ahead," returned Mr. Knight. "I'd help you If I could. Go ahead; and who knows but you'll one day be th presldent'a wife." When Widow Perkins heard that Mary was going away to school she forgot to put auy yeast In the bread which she wa making, and, bidding Sally Ann "watch It until it rix," she posted off to Mrs. Ma son's to Inquire the particulars, reckoning up as she went along how much fourteen weeks' wages would come to at nine shil lings per week. But with all her quizzing and "pump- ing. as Judith called it, sne was un- able to ascertain anything of Importance, and, mentally styling Mrs. Mason, Mary, Judith and all "great gumpheads," she returned home and relieved Sally Ann from her watch over unleavened bread. Both Mrs. Mason and Mary laughed heartily at the widow's curiosity, though, as Mary said, "It was no laughing mat ter where the money was to come from which she needed for her books and cloth ing." Everything which Mrs. Mason could do for her she did, and even Judith, who was never famous for generosity, brought In one Saturday morning half-worn merino, which she thought "mebby could e turned and sponged, and mad into ;methln' decent," adding, In an under- one, that sue a nail it out ainn on ui clothes boss for ntore'n two hours!" A few days afterward Jenny Lincoln came galloping up to the school house oor, declaring her Intention of staying ut il school was out. and having a good time. I hear you are going to Wilbraham, said she, "but I want you to go to Mount lolyoke. We are going, a whole lot of ns that is, if we can pass examination. Hose isn't pleased with the Idea, but I m. I think twill be fun to wash po tatoes and scour knives. I don t believe thnt mother would ever hava sent ns there if it were not that Ida Selden la going. Her rattier ana ner Aimi Mar tha used to be schoolmates with Miss yon, and they have always Intended it Ida should graduate at Mount Hoi- oke. Now, why can t you go, too "I wish I could," said Mary, "but I can't. I haven't money enough, and thers Is no one to give It to me." It wouldn't hurt Mrs. Campbell to help you a little," returned Jenny. "Why, last term Ella spent almost enough for candies and gutta percha toys to pay the expense of half a year's schooling at Mount I lolyoke. Its too bad that she should have everything and you nothing." (To be continued.) Cures Victims of Druirs. A church union now exists In New York for the most remarkable purpose on record, ng avowed object is to cure the victims of the morphine and other drug habits and a most Impres sive list of well-known clergymen have registered themselves In support of the scheme, which Is conducted by Dr. W. N. KlchJe. The plans of Dr. Richie's work and the means by which be hopes to make It effectual are to be made public as soon as possible. AH that Is withheld from the public Is the elements of the mysterious compound, which Is, Dr. Itichle alleges, an absolutely Infallible panacea. Men and women who have sunk to the lowest levels of degradation have, It Is claimed, by the use of this cure become perfectly regenerated. Physi cians of established reputation private ly Indorse the cure, aud the testimonials appear so convincing that the clergy men who have formed a union on the strength of It feel absolutely sure of Its efficacy. Dr. Bichle says that he obtained the cure from a friend of his, who lu turn obtained It from a German savant. The friend referred to, having once become the slave of morphine and having but 5 cents left In the world, converted It Into a fj-cent stamp to address a letter to the German who had originated the cure. The recipe came, was made use of, and the man, when Dr. Ulchie knew him, was enjoying an honored old age. A committee has been formed to re ceive donations for the cure of such pa tients as are not able to pay. How Bridget Spoiled Things. Charlie and Mamie are not friends any more, and Bridget Is to blame for It all. Charlie Is the promising scion of a rroapect avenue home, while Mamie Is the sweet young thing on Marshall street for whom sundry florists' and confectioners' bills have mounted up to an alarming height lately. Bridget Is tbe maid at Mamie's home, and as Mamie Is a most bewildering young person with a decidedly Indolent streak, it happens very often that Bridget Is Instructed to say she is not at home when the cold facts are that Mamie Is reclining luxuriously on the library couch with the latest maga zine and a box of fine bon bons. The other evening Charlie thought that he would surprise the young wom an, and so called when she did not ex pect him. Mamie had an unusually fascinating novel, and was not dressed for callers, therefore she Instructed Bridget to say she had gone over on the West Side. Biddy got through the message all right. The Inconsiderate young man, instead of going away, asked: "Can you tell me when she will re turn?" She faltered, then lost her head com pletely, and blurting out: "Sure, an' I'll ask Miss Mamie," mshed down the hall, while a very angry yet dignified young man walked down the front steps to return no more. Milwaukee Sentinel. Tit for Tat Slopay I want you to make another suit for me. Tailor (reluctantly) Yes? Slopay Yes. Now, let me see some thing In the way of a check. Tailor All right, but suppose you do the same for me. Philadelphia Press. Could Not Be Repeated. "I met Higglnbee and he stopped me to tell me what his little boy said, but I'll bet one thing." "Huh! What's that?" "I'll bet he didn't tell his boy what I said." Indianapolis Press. If Satan ever gets short of fuel he ought to be able to use excuses. SHARED HIS LEAP TO Dr.ATH. Whits Klk Forced to Cbey Judgment of the phoihon Indian. White Elk. the sou of Standing Bear, :he Shoshone chieftain, sat stolidly la the grltn circle of Indians that sat around the council fire. He st un moved as each ludluu lu tutu thrust his baud forward with the fingers out spread and the thumb pointing down ward. The lust Indian lu the circle bad made tho sign. Standing Bear arose und stood stiff and steru In the red lights of the burning embers. Every eye was upon hlui. White Elk sut looking stolidly at him through half loosed eyelids. Standing Bear thrust his arm out at full length and slowly spread bis fingers apart aud turned bis thumb toward the earth. - A scream came from a group of women standing uear the chief's lodge. Then two old suuaws led away a young Indian woman who still sobbed In spite of the storied stoicism of her race. The sen twice of death had been passed on White Elk. He slowly rose as his fa ther turned toward him and extended a niece of black wampum. He took It and tucked It In his girdle, bowed slow ly to the council, and strode away to bis own tepee, where be Bat eaiinij pufllng at bis pipe long after tbe comi- :11 had broken up and Its inetnners nau crr.no nnii.ti to their lodges. White Elk sat alone In the silence of the night lihtenlng to the rushing waters of the Popoagle. It was the voice of bis exe cutloner. Tbree days more and he was to be cast from a high rock Into tbe "Place of Punishment," the deep hole In the mountains which swallowed up the rushing Popoagle and carried It omewhere deep down Into the bowels of the earth. Into this place White Elk was to be thrown birause the Shoshones believed that the person who disappeared Into the depths along with the roaring wa ters of the Topoagle died a death mora dreadful than any other that could be WHITE ELK'S meted out to him. Because the Popo agle drew Its victims so deeply down Into the dark regions under the earth that the soul could never escape and tlnd its way to the happy bunting ground of the tribe. White Elk was not afraid to die. He bad met death fac to face a dozen times, and had not trembled. He had fought with the Blnckfeet and the Sioux, and led his warriors to victory on many a hard fought field. He had fought hand to hand with the murderous Apaches, and never knew what It was to be ufrald. But in spite of his seeming Indifference he shivered as he heard the hoarse roar of the Popoagle tum bling riotously over the rocks and leap ing down the precipice to disappear In the dark depths below. He pictured his soul fighting with the angry water to regain the upper air that it might nscend to the happy bunting ground in the clouds. But he knew the Popoagle would triumph. He was certain that no soul could defeat the malevolent spirit of the Topoagle. White Elk could regard death with equanimity, but he could not bear the thought of an eternity spent battling with the spirit of the waters while Laughing Eyes waited for him in vain In the happy hunting ground. White Elk's head dropped forward and he groaned. He heard a sound be hind him and sprang to his feet. Laughing Eyes stood beside him In the moonlight. She motioned him with her hand and he followed her out to the cliff overlooking the deep crevice, down which the Ponongle lost itself. On the cliff the two sat In the moonlight "You must not give yourself to the spirit of the Popoagle," said the girl "You can go away. I will go with you. The Blackfeet have been your enemies, but they love you, for you are a mighty warrior. To them you can go and they will make you a chief, and I will go with you." White Elk sut silent. Then he spoke: "I must die because I did not put to death Nazalla, the Blackfoot chief. I had my spear at his throat. I might have kill ed him. But years ago Nazalla spared my life when as a boy I was bunting alone In the forest. He gave me food and water and showed me the way bflck t0 niy own peoplei I could not kill him as he lav wounded. But the Shoshones fear Nazalla. They think that with him dead the Blackfeet would never more triumph in battle. I would rather die and disappear into the under darkness forever." The girl fell on her knees and entreated him. White Elk softly stroked her hair. But he only shook his head in reply to her entreaties. Long the. two sat there Then they arose and walked back to the village, and White Elk left Laugh ing Eyes at the door of ber father's lodge. Three days passed away, and the next morning Just before sunrise all the Shoshones were gathered lu view of the great rock that lifted Itself above the deep sink hSle of the Popo- agie. The medicine men of the tribe swaying their bodies chanted a death hymn. As the first rays of the sun shone down the valley and rested redly upon the little group on the rock White Elk stepped forward with a strong young Indian on either side. He turned and looked keenly back at the group of women who stood about Laughing Eyes. He gave a sign and the two young Indians rested thejr hands on ft C&& . i fill Ma shoulder. White Elk stood with bis face lifted up for a moment to tbe clouds. He cast hi eyes around and took a last look at the woods and at his people standing grim and silent In the clefts of the rocks. Then be sprang forward and shot, straight downward from the top of the cliff. His body turned hulf over in the air. Then It struck with a splash In the roaring water aud was drawn downward and disappeared forever In tbe cavernous depths of the "place of punishment." The Indians stood looking downward where tbe form of the young chief bad disappeared. Then there was a cry and all looked again toward the top of the rock Just as they saw Laughing UVea l.nrl Imraelf henilloilC doWUWBrd toward the rushing water. She sank from sight and her body, too, was drawn downward to the depths. White Elk's soul would not have to escape the spirit of Popoagle to meet that of Laughing Eyes. HAS VOLCANOES TO BURN. Uncle Para lias a Choice Assortment In the Philippine lalanda. The United States Geological Survey will publish before long some facts about the volcanoes of the Philippine", which anx'ar to be very Interesting. One of them Is the most symmetrically beautiful volcanic cone In the world, being eveu more perfect than the fa mous Fujiyama, the sacred mountain of Japan. It Is llttUj less than 0,000 feet high, and the name of It Is Allmy. Albay was an exceedingly active vol cano during the last century, having burst Into eruption at least twenty five times since the year 1800. It broke out only laRt year with renewed pin- j tonic activity, and back In 1814 no fewer than 1,200 lives were lost In con sequence of one of Its bad spells, a vil lage four miles from tbe crater lielng tinder lava and ashes to such a depth thnt the ridgepoles of the houses were hidden. Between Albay and Lnguna de Bay " W a. ' vttU LEAP TO DEATH. are many extinct or dormnnt craters, The magnificent cone of Bannjao, 7,38'-' feet In height, Is visible from Manila bay. Its crater, 700 feet deep, was oc cupied by a lake up to lido, when a vilolent eruption took place, bursting out the southern side of the crater and pouring out both water and Incandes cent lava. 6n an Island lu the Lake of Boinbon Is the remarkable Taal volcano, which Is readily accessible from Manila. Its central crater is oval in shape, a mile and a quarter across the greatest di ameter and has within Its rim two lakes of hot water, one yellow and the other green, and a small active cone fifty feet In height, from which escape steam and sulphurous gases. The strange colors of the waters are due to the nresence of chemicals evolved in subterranean laboratories. The greatest eruption of Taal took place In 1754, wiping out four villages. Apparently the volcanic ash lends won derful fertility to the soil, and present ly a new growth of bamboo and palms appears where desolation had reigned. Even the localities most seriously and constantly threatened by volcanoes In the Philippines are promptly repopu lilted after every disaster, their fertil lty, surpassingly beautiful situation and healthfulness charming the people into a prompt forgetfulness of past disasters. The worst volcanic disturbances on record in the Philippines occurred Jan 4 1041. They seem to have centralized at the southern end of Mindanao, where there Is a formidable group of "flro mountains," ns the natives call them. Three outbursts took place on that day In different portions of the archipelago. accompanied by earthquakes which were felt as far away as Cochin China and Cambodia. A Spanish squadron was off the south const of Mindanao, and some of the ships were almost overwhelmed by falling ashes. In Luzon, In Union province, "tbree bills and several villages were thrown Into the air In fragments and utterly anni hilated." New Y'ork Herald. An Interesting Ceremony. Every day an Interesting ceremony takes place at Gibraltar. The town and fortress lie at the end of a penin sula, about a mile and a half long, the mainland being Spanish territory. The gate leading to Spain is, every evening, locked at sunset, and every morning un locked at sunrise. Each day a com pany from one of the regiments per forms one of these functions. In the morning the company, fully otiicered, with colors flying and accompanied by 4 band, marches to the commnudant's house. The company comes to atten tion, and the commandant bands out the keys on a velvet cushion. These are received by a captain's orderly, the band strikes up, and the procession marches to the gate, which Is unlocked with great ceremony. In the evening the same ceremony, in the reverse or der, Is gone through. All suspicious characters are put out of the town be fore the gates are locked In the even ing. What a terrible lot of time Is wasted in the course a life time, In waiting at table to be served with something not fit to eat! A hard working man looks disdain fully at the man w ho has to take exercise. HUMOR OP THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THE PRESS. Odd, Curious and Laughable Phases of Human Nature Graphically Por trayed by Eminent Word Artlata of Our Own Day-A Uud.et of Fun. "I wonder where the entrance to the ubwuy In," said a lady standing on Tremont street on her first visit to Bos ton. "I don't know, I'm sure," replied the ladv wild WHS W'ltll lief, "btlt let' gO over here. Here a door wun a sigu 'exit' over It."--Siimervllle 'Journal. A Guilty Conscience "Yen. sir,' said tbe patient salesman, "I've hIiowii vnu our entire stock of gald and silver watch-chains." "Well, they ain't the kind I want, renlled the criitikv customer. "I don't propose to buy what I don't want." "Certainly not, sir. Perhaps you want a steel one." "What's that Jest you come out here, nn' 1 11 (.how you If I want to steal one!" Catholic Standard. Wlae Old Merchant. Old Merchant-Wbere Is your refer ence? Tommy Tucker (w ho wants a Job as cilice boy) Here's one from my run- dny school teacher, sir. Old Merchant-We don't want you to work on Sundays. Get me a reference from some one who knows you on week days. Verely to He Pitied. "What do voti think of the Chicago nrnfi.KKfir who snvs he never kissed a pretty glii?" said one young woman. Oh. I don't stop to think," answerea the other. "I have no time to listen to other people's troubles."Washlngton Star. For All Caime. Man loves to kick with might and main; Sad sounds best fit his mouth. He'll first complain about the rain And then about the drouth. Washington Star. An Explanation. Mrs. Brown My busbnnd never says nnrthlns- to me aliout the way his mother used to cook. Mm Green That's something un usual. I wonder why he doesn't? Mr. Brown She used to keep a boarding bouse. Chicago News. I'nfortunate. "Education may be a good thing," said the man with the stubby mus tache, "but if my pnrents had not In stilled in niy mind so great a reverence for grammar I am almost sure I could have been a poet." Indianapolis Press. Ilia 'miglnatton. Percollum What are you working at so feverishly? Snaeer I've cot an assignment to write an article on "How to Be Happy Though Moving." Chicago Tribune. Typical Fire Kcaaen. Guest What precautions have you here In case of lire? Hotel Clerk We have fire escapes from every floor. All you have to do Is to make your way to one of them and fall off. New York Weekly. "Well, that don't effect our going In 'cause we can't swim." The Liw'i Delay. reasnnt After you ve let the case drag along now for three years, you've loht It for me! Lawyer II m! That's what I get for niy good nature I might have let It drag along for three years more! Heitere Welt. Meant Just What Ke Said. Pupil Where is Atoms? Teacher You mean Athens, Johnnie. It is in Greece. Pupil No, I don't mean Athens. I menu Atoms, the place people get blown to In boiler explosions. Balti more World. Too Noiay. Differ My wife Is subject to nervous headaches; can't stand a bit of noise. Buffer Too bad! Biffer Yes; why, I even had to sell "my new golf suit. Ohio State Journal. Hia Urounda. "And on what ground do you base your application for divorce?" asked the lawyer of Ills new client. "Exertion, sah." "lou mean desertion, I suppose Your wife has left you, doubtless." "No, sah, she hasn't left me, sah." "Then you can't ask for a divorce on the ground of desertion." "I said exertion, sah. Dat's de ground perzackly. She done exert herself con tinually to make me mizzable, sah. Put It on de ground ob exertion, sah." Everybody Wanti It. well, me ionuern raeinc corner didn't last long. That shows how hard it is to get a corner in railroads." "Yes, and If you've noticed, it's next to Impossible, replied the end seat hog, "to get a corner in street cars." Philadelphia Press.' ! Ilia Fntnr Flat. "John sayi he'll have Ms graduation papers purty soon." 'What's be been a-larniu' uii "Greek, an' Latin, ui' French, an' German, an' so forth." "An" whnt's he golu' to do atter he comes clear?" "Well ef he don't go to spllttlu' rails, or farniln', I reckon he'll spend the rest of his days a-wrltlu' of dialect! At lanta Constitution. Tha Afterrlno. Husband -Thank heaven, houseelean- lng Is over. Wife-Yes, dear, but the pictures are yet to be hung.-Ohlo Stute Journal. Tha llramatlc Cruse. Mr. Fijjit-Our friend Epicure has gotten out a new cook Ixxik. Mrs. njjlt-Tbat's nice; Is It going to be dramatized? Ohio State Journal. Not CompVtmcntary. 'Brlggs say his daughter, looks like Mm. Ild you ever see her?" 'No, and I never want to see ber If she looks like Brlggs."-Cleveland Plain Dealer. Tha First Question. "I see that an Indiana court has de cided that a passenger traveling on a pass can recover damages for Injuries due to carelessness-of the train em ployes." "Yes, but ho wdo you get the pasr Cleveland Plain Dealer. Mora A 'raid of Lotlna- tha Girl. "Aren't you afraid to keep such a pretty girl In your kitchen? You way lose your husband." "I guess you dou't know that the present ratio Is something like fifty husbands to one competent girl. Cleveland Plain Dealer. Hrlght Hoy. Son (at his studies)-Papa, I wish I had been Ixirn In the time of Charle magne. Father-Why? Son Then I wouldn't have had to learn everything that has happened since. Fllegende Blaetter. His Mlatake. Ethel-He telegraphed hi proposal to her. Maude And did she accept him? Ethel No; she said that she had no use for a man who would waste his money on telegraph tolls Instead of spending It for caramels. Somervllle Journal. MUgnlded Young Man. Ned Does Arthur play golf an Sun day? Tom Well, he thinks he does. Som ervllle Journal. A Very Long; rermon. MX Bobby Say, pop, how much did you put In the iollectlon plate? His Tapa-Sh! A dime, Bobby. Bobby That preacher Is certainly giving you an awful lot for your money. Ke p ni HI in. Mr. Backward Well-er-yes, since you ask me, I was thinking of cousultr lug a fortune teller. Miss Coy To find out when you will ninrry, en I Mr. Backward Why-er-yes. I Miss Coy Why not ask me and save the fortune-tellers fee toward the price of the rlng?-rhlladelphla Press. An Inversion. "Does Mr. Bllllonson play golf?" "No. He works at golf. When ho wants a little real diversion he goes Into the stock market." Washington Star. Her Ioic Mr. Poore Will nothing Induce you to marry? Miss Wltte On the contrary. It Is the nothing you have which Induces me not to mnrry. Her Mlaappreiienaion. Mr. Crlmsonbeak. Well, I see that Englishman has got bis Gainsborough back, after twenty years. Mrs. Crlmsonbeak I shouldn't think his wife would care for It now; It's out of style. "Out nothing; a picture as valuable as that Is never out of style." "Oh, is it a picture? I thought all along that the Gainsborough was a hat!" Youkers Statesman. Too Rich for Him. Jinks (meeting Winks In light lunch cafe) Hello! What are you doing here? Winks Getting my lunch, of course. Jinks But I thought you were keep ing a swell restaurant down town. Winks So I am, but I wouldn't keep It long If I ate there. It's too expen sive. Philadelphia Press. Errs of Insect. Tbe collection, preservation and ex amination of the eggs of insects will afford Interesting recreation. Curtains, carpets, floor-crevices, cushions, ftir and woolen garments will serve as a prolific hunting ground Indoors; while out of doors the surface waters of ponds and water-butts, the corpses of birds, tbe skins of cattle, and tbe leaves and branches of the shrubberies give an abundance of material. Among those insects whose eggs make the most interesting microscopi cal mounts may be noted the common house-fly, the wasp, the tortoise-shell and cabbage butterflies, the mottled umber and the puss moths, the dragon fly, and most of the parasites. The eggs of these are all shapes, hexagonal, coni cal, oval, spherical, and. are most richly and harmoniously colored; while the elaborately sculptured surfaces are hardly excelled In the beauty of their designs by the symmetry of the ciliat ed, winged and fringed ornamentations with which they are surrounded. Polish usually exaggerates the re flections of a fool , .