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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 10, 1963)
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Besides bringing rait l I palliative relict 01 paw. lkwiii s run i use mild oinreiic acuon 10 nip 1 I your system clear out acid wastes ten i I by slugtiih Sidneys, uewms nin I ran relieve oaciacne miseries ana i I help yoa lead a more active life. ma ii li uu . u i kv lifa.niiM-JiiH Family Crises? (Continued from page 9) more often and to give his wife more time for him. An elderly -widow whom Diana could trust was recruited as a sitter to free them for the companionship Joe missed. 4. Job problem. When Paul joined the sales force of a large company, he seemed fired with ambition. But after several months it looked as if he would be a flop. In a fit of temper one morning, he threatened to beat up a col league. When the sales manager questioned him, Paul re vealed that his marriage would probably break up if he were fired. His wife Natalie had always pushed him into jobs where he might make a lot of money fast. Now, with his latest failure, their marriage was imperiled. The solution : Candid talks with a family counselor made it clear that Paul couldn't stand competition and that sell ing was not right for him. But he was a fine mechanic and liked to work around cars. Natalie became reconciled to the fact that although Paul was not a go-getter he would be a capable, steady wage earner as a mechanic. Using his savings, Paul quit his sales job and opened his own auto repair shop. Within a few months the couple was enjoying a smooth and satisfying home life. 5. Infidelity. Mark and Harriet Allerton temporarily took into their home Harriet's widowed sister Phyllis, who was lonely and unhappy. One night during a tv drama, the lovers in the play embraced, and the Allertons' four-year-old daughter burst out, "Oh, look, just like Daddy and Aunt Phyllis!" Stunned and angry, Harriet demanded that Mark pack up and get out. The reconciliation: It turned out that Mark's involve ment with his sister-in-law was relatively minor but it was a symptom of trouble in the Allertons' marriage. Har riet was so wrapped up in club work that she rarely had a free evening for her husband. The sister-in-law was handy, and she needed Mark in her own distress. Talking it over with a caseworkar, Harriet was sur prised to see the part she had played. As the implications dawned on her, Harriet decided to make more room for Mark in her life and to give him the affection he needed. As for the sister-in-law, the Allertons found a job for her and encouraged her to develop new friends and interests to turn her sights toward living in the present. 6. Moving to a now community. Not long ago, Tom and Mary Wilson moved from Chicago to a small town some distance away. A year later, they were consulting a Family Service Agency for help with their "crumbling" marriage. Mary, a gregarious woman, had made friends with her new neighbors. But Tom, because of his long day on the job and the time spent traveling to and from work, remained virtually an outsider. He resented the rounds of parties and the neighbors dropping in. At dinner, the couple constantly quarreled over the cost of entertaining and thn unforeseen expenses of running the home. Rancor rose until the crisis came with a bitter spat over whether they should sell their home. How peace was declared: At the recommendation of a family counselor, Tom joined a car pool of neighbors who drove to work together each day. After he became friendly with these men, Tom immersed himself in a campaign for a new school, joined a bowling league, found a Saturday job, and met other neighbors with hobbies similar to his. Quarrels at home now rarely flare up. 7. Alcoholism. Larry York, an airline pilot, was at the end of his rope. For six months he had been trying to find a way to help his wife Nancy control her drinking. She always drank more just before he returned home from a trip, and he usually found her in a bad state. When he tried to discuss it with her, Nancy became depressed: "Get the divorce you want and leave me alone," 1 4 family Weekly, November 10, 1 WI she would say. He couldn't make her understand he did not want a divorce he wanted the wife she had been on their honeymoon. Finally, Larry told her unless she straight ened out, their marriage couldn't continue. The solution: To a family caseworker, Nancy confided that relatives had "heard" her husband was "playing around with other women" on his trips. She "knew" this was a pattern with pilots, so obviously it could be true. Nancy loved her husband, but if he was tired of her she didn't want to know it. She felt that when she was drunk she wouldn't have to talk with him. Nancy also had prob lems with two younger sisters to whom she had become a substitute mother. In time, she was able to separate herself from this "mother role," then look at her job as a wife. She began to understand just why she was drinking. For the first time in years the Yorks could communicate to each other just how they felt. As the air cleared, Nancy no longer felt the need to drown her fears of losing her husband. , Of course, besides these crises, other troublesome situ ations beset American families. Differences should be ex pected; tastes ard values vary, habits and idiosyncrasies will not always be harmonious. But friction need not get out of hand. When a rocky marriage does stay intact, it often means that the couple has learned how to meet a crisis. If and when trouble erupts in your own home, here is what experienced family counselors suggest you can do: 1. Take time out to think it over before you decide on any drastic course of action. 2. Examine your own role in the dispute. Were you partly or indirectly responsible? 3. Decide whether you can sit down and talk it over frankly and unemotionally with your spouse (some prob lems are better not discussed except with a counselor). Keep your communications lines open; be a good listener. 4. Adopt a problem-solving approach; try to agree on the next step, and help your spouse save face. 5. Decide whether and when to seek competent outside help. If health is involved, visit a doctor. Many couples find solace from clergymen. Independent marriage counselors are available (usually a member of the American Associa tion of Marriage Counselors is best). Most distraught families, however, will probably be helped most by going to a Family Service Agency for pro fessional guidance. To find the appropriate service nearest you, call your local United Fund or Community Chest. Your phone book also may list the agency under "Family Service," "Family Counseling Service," or "Child and Family Service." Remember, if you have kept your love alive, your mar riage is worth saving. When you think in terms of "we" and feel yourselves partners in a common cause, you are likely to surmount any crisis that comes up. One Qift Works Many Wonders Family counseling services are but one of the worth while groups. that depend on local United Funds and Community Chests for support. There are a great many people who are desperately in need of help. Imagine how frightening it is for a child to look out from a hospital bed or from a home for the handicapped or the emotionally ill and see the world passing him by without a gesture of compas sion. And how hopeless it must feel to be a troubled teen-ager wondering where he can go for guidance or a lonely old person searching for a familiar face. You can help such people in your own community. The United Fund and Community Chest campaigns now going on in most towns and cities across the coun try are your once-a-year opportunity to assist your neighbors who are in need. The Editors
