Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 20, 1963)
DON'T PUSH I had A little patient who at three did not talk or so it seemed. One day her mother plagued by relatives with such queries as, "How's the talking depart ment coming?" visited me in tears. "Doctor Hill," she said, "I want the truth. If there's any thing wrong, tell me." I assured her there was no evidence of any thing being wrong. And not long after, the little girl began to talk. It was then the family re alized that the little girl's gibberish had actually been talk, although obscure. Actually, the girl had been using long sentences and a large vocab ulary for her age. Today she is a college gradu ate, engaged in magazine work, and planning to be a writer. I use this case to point out an important fact No child should be expected to perform like the child next door. He is what no other child in this world has ever been or ever will be he is himself. Just as he has his own features and personality, so does he have his own rate of growth and development There is, of course, a timetable which estab lishes an average time for the different stages of development. But you will note I say "average" not normal. What is normal for one child is not normal for another. After many years in pediatrics, I consider the rate at which infants and toddlers develop to be unimportant, provided regular physical exami nations uncover no problem. Should there be any disability, the sooner it is discovered the better. A little boy of two, for example, could not walk and was brought to me. I discovered he had flat feet and prescribed that lifts be put in his shoes. Six months later, his body mechanism no longer askew, he was walking normally. But in most instances development is simply an individual thing; rushing it is pointless changing it, potentially dangerous. I recently attended a Little League game and, while leaving the ball field, I heard one father harangue his son all the way to the car. "I hope you're good and ashamed," he growled. "I certainly am. Of all the stupid plays I've ever seen in my life ..." I doubt if such viciousness helps an immature athlete improve: I am quite certain, though, it can develop traits no parent wants rebelliousness and resentment It is not only fathers who push their children. A mother expects Suzy to get the lead in the I : j YOUR CHILD! He isn't talking at three? She isn't poised at 13? Maybe some encouragement is needed but not nagging and prodding By MINER C. HILL, M.D Fallow and Diplomat, American Academy of Pediatrics with Adele Whitely Fletcher school play and be invited to the most desirable parties. Or she expects Dickie to stand at the head of his class and be the most decorated scout. Our children must of course, be encouraged to use their potentials. But in this process they never should be made to feel clumsy or in any way inferior. Most important of all, they never should be allowed to think that they are a dis appointment Boys and girls who are constantly nagged or prodded toward better performances often come to believe themselves unloved and, as a result become seriously insecure. The resentment our children may harbor if pushed too far and too often was illustrated at a dinner party the other evening. Someone sug gested to a father that his son might make his school's varsity team if he put a little more ef fort into it The father's face darkened. "If he makes it he makes it," he said sharply. "But no kid of mine is going to be pushed, pushed'." Later he was apologetic about his outburst J "I must resent my father more than I real ize," he said. "He was a great guy in many ways. But, academically and athletically, he expected me to deliver top performances. Once I brought home a 95 average,, I was stuck with always getting a 95 average or better. Any time I came off a football field pleased with some play, I was sure to hear how I should have followed it with an other play and won the game. I got to be a pretty nervous and unhappy kid." "But you kept trying," I said. "Yes, and sometimes, remembering how I used to feel, I wonder why. I realize now that my father, subconsciously at least was disappointed in himself with rto need to be, really and wanted to show off through me. Let's hope he got what he wanted. The resentment I just ex hibited makes it pretty clear it came at a very high price." He shrugged and grinned: "Well, Doctor, maybe some good will finally come of it. Like I said, nobody's going to push my boy I" Parents love their children and will as a rule make any sacrifice for their happiness. Yet, unwittingly, they subtract from this happiness by pushing their boys and girls toward per formances far beyond normal, unstrained capa bilities. It is wise to let children enjoy their young world according to their individuality with no more interference than a friendly assist now and then. COVER: In the cool of autumn, families sometimes turn to raiding the pumpfci'n patch fnt'r own, of course remembering that Halloto een is not far off. Photograph by Jim Pond. Family WeeJcly I October 20, 1KJ IKMUO i. DAVIDOW Pmident and P.oluAer IUIB C OtETHIS Vict President PATtlCK E. OKOU1KI Adrcrtuino Director MOCTOM BANK Director o PuMulirr Relation Send oil advertising communications to Family Weekly, 133 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago 1, III. Address all communications about editorial features to Family Weekly. 60 E. 36th St., Now fork 22. N. T. Board of Editors E8NEST V. HEYN SiiUr-in-Ckiel SEN KAITMAN SxoratiM Editor HOIEUT FmomON Manooino Editor PHILLIP OYKSTHA Art Director MELANIE DC PI OFT Pood Editor (osohn Abraraya, Arson tldell, Hal London. Jock Hyan; Poor J. Opoenheirner, Hollywood. IMI, PtMMSSIPM AND tOOKS, INC, 153 N. Michigan A..., Chicago 1, III. Alt right, rorrod.
