DON'T
PUSH
I
had A little patient who at three
did not talk or so it seemed.
One day her mother plagued by relatives
with such queries as, "How's the talking depart
ment coming?" visited me in tears. "Doctor
Hill," she said, "I want the truth. If there's any
thing wrong, tell me."
I assured her there was no evidence of any
thing being wrong. And not long after, the little
girl began to talk. It was then the family re
alized that the little girl's gibberish had actually
been talk, although obscure. Actually, the girl
had been using long sentences and a large vocab
ulary for her age. Today she is a college gradu
ate, engaged in magazine work, and planning to
be a writer.
I use this case to point out an important fact
No child should be expected to perform like the
child next door. He is what no other child in
this world has ever been or ever will be he is
himself. Just as he has his own features and
personality, so does he have his own rate of
growth and development
There is, of course, a timetable which estab
lishes an average time for the different stages of
development. But you will note I say "average"
not normal. What is normal for one child is not
normal for another.
After many years in pediatrics, I consider the
rate at which infants and toddlers develop to be
unimportant, provided regular physical exami
nations uncover no problem. Should there be any
disability, the sooner it is discovered the better.
A little boy of two, for example, could not
walk and was brought to me. I discovered he had
flat feet and prescribed that lifts be put in his
shoes. Six months later, his body mechanism no
longer askew, he was walking normally.
But in most instances development is simply
an individual thing; rushing it is pointless
changing it, potentially dangerous.
I recently attended a Little League game and,
while leaving the ball field, I heard one father
harangue his son all the way to the car. "I
hope you're good and ashamed," he growled. "I
certainly am. Of all the stupid plays I've ever
seen in my life ..." I doubt if such viciousness
helps an immature athlete improve: I am quite
certain, though, it can develop traits no parent
wants rebelliousness and resentment
It is not only fathers who push their children.
A mother expects Suzy to get the lead in the
I
: j
YOUR
CHILD!
He isn't talking at three? She
isn't poised at 13? Maybe some
encouragement is needed but
not nagging and prodding
By MINER C. HILL, M.D
Fallow and Diplomat, American Academy of Pediatrics
with Adele Whitely Fletcher
school play and be invited to the most desirable
parties. Or she expects Dickie to stand at the
head of his class and be the most decorated scout.
Our children must of course, be encouraged
to use their potentials. But in this process they
never should be made to feel clumsy or in any
way inferior. Most important of all, they never
should be allowed to think that they are a dis
appointment Boys and girls who are constantly
nagged or prodded toward better performances
often come to believe themselves unloved and,
as a result become seriously insecure.
The resentment our children may harbor if
pushed too far and too often was illustrated at
a dinner party the other evening. Someone sug
gested to a father that his son might make his
school's varsity team if he put a little more ef
fort into it The father's face darkened. "If he
makes it he makes it," he said sharply. "But
no kid of mine is going to be pushed, pushed'."
Later he was apologetic about his outburst
J "I must resent my father more than I real
ize," he said. "He was a great guy in many ways.
But, academically and athletically, he expected me
to deliver top performances. Once I brought home
a 95 average,, I was stuck with always getting
a 95 average or better. Any time I came off a
football field pleased with some play, I was sure
to hear how I should have followed it with an
other play and won the game. I got to be a
pretty nervous and unhappy kid."
"But you kept trying," I said.
"Yes, and sometimes, remembering how I used
to feel, I wonder why. I realize now that my
father, subconsciously at least was disappointed
in himself with rto need to be, really and
wanted to show off through me. Let's hope he
got what he wanted. The resentment I just ex
hibited makes it pretty clear it came at a very
high price."
He shrugged and grinned: "Well, Doctor,
maybe some good will finally come of it. Like
I said, nobody's going to push my boy I"
Parents love their children and will as a rule
make any sacrifice for their happiness. Yet,
unwittingly, they subtract from this happiness
by pushing their boys and girls toward per
formances far beyond normal, unstrained capa
bilities. It is wise to let children enjoy their
young world according to their individuality
with no more interference than a friendly assist
now and then.
COVER:
In the cool of autumn, families sometimes
turn to raiding the pumpfci'n patch fnt'r
own, of course remembering that Halloto
een is not far off. Photograph by Jim Pond.
Family
WeeJcly
I
October 20, 1KJ
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