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About Medford mail tribune. (Medford, Or.) 1909-1989 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 24, 1963)
Family Weekly I February 4, 1963 ' I J a - , -y i r 4 I J 'A..-: hum.,... d-.ii boys, "it's essential to have a broad social experi ence in your early years. Get to know many other boys and girls and study and compare them." Khp yourself mobile romantically In my marriage counseling, I have discovered a significant fact about steady dating: it's not the "big wheel" at school the successful student or athlete who generally goes steady. Far more often, the regular dater turns out to be an insecure young ster who ties up with a similar person. I believe this is most revealing. Young people who don't think they are as good as the others are afraid of facing the possibility of datelessness. But more assured boys and girls are confident of their ability to attract a date when one is needed. There is an important lesson here to be learned by parents. Instill as much confidence as you can in a youngster.. Praise him often so that he'll get the idea he's pretty good. Encourage him to be come important in some area where his talents can stand out Boys learn to cook The man who acquires a few household skills makes a better husband. Unlike too many men, he won't make the mistake of underestimating a wife's job at home. He'll never say those fighting words: "But what do you do all day long?" He'll know. The attitude that care of the home and children is solely a wife's job can trigger serious problems. A man who feels this way overburdens his wife, who is apt to become unhappy and even bitter, espe cially if she sees other husbands pitching in. Girls Joarn arithmetic Bury forever the notion that a wife who "simply has no head for figures" is cute. In these days of complex budgeting and marketing, a wife must be accurate in her mathematics. Few things irritate a man more than a scatterbrain who goes shopping with a $20 bill and returns with the wrong change ! I also advise my daughter to learn as much sci ence as she can, and not merely so she can under stand the space age. She will need it and I am per fectly serious to cope with the complicated appli ances now on the market and the many kinds of synthetic fabrics which must be washed and dried according to instructions or they can be ruined. And, of course, she also must know the scientific aspects of nutrition. Don't delay marriage because you're having too much fun Girls, especially, must be aware of this pitfall. "Oh," they may say, "I don't want to tie myself down. Life's too exciting." Getting married too soon can be a great mistake but I've also seen many lovely girls who kept on having fun until the parade passed them by. They ended up as attractive but lonely Bpinsters. "You must be aware of the right time to wed," I tell Betty, "as well as the wrong time." Make sure your personality traits mesh One evening, the talk turned to the kinds of peo ple with whom we can best get along. I stressed that since marriage means living with another hu man being day in and year out, it's crucial to pay the closest attention to the types of behavior or personal characteristics that irritate you and would make a marriage unendurable. I made these points: If both of you like to talk and neither likes to listen, trouble almost surely will develop. A talker needs a listener, at least some of the time. If you are unhappy unless you are with lots of people all the time and going places, while the other person likes nothing better than to spend quiet eve nings at home listening to the hi-fi think twice. If you are quick and bright, and he or she likes to absorb ideas more slowly, ask yourself : are you impatient with people who aren't as sharp? Do they irritate you, and do you tend to belittle them? If so, you'll be smart to pick someone whose plodding mind won't annoy you. An engagement is not a marriage break it if you must Many young people, and parents, too, seem to feel that a broken engagement is some sort of disgrace. It's not An engagement is neither final nor bind ing, and a broken one merely means that the parties involved have decided, upon the basis of a trial pe riod, that a marriage would not work. "Never feel that you must go ahead. with a mar riage if you discover something that will make a successful union impossible," I tell my children. Naturally, this does not mean that you should enter into an engagement lightly or break one for trivial reasons. Furthermore, if a girl has a string of broken engagements in her past, it's an indica tion that something in her personality needs straightening out She may have been so indulged by her parents that she isn't ready to accept a relationship in which she muBt give as well as receive. She needs counseling before she can hope to have a truly successful married life. Don't feel you have to "tell all" to your mate At home we haven't gone into this except in briefest form, but if the question ever should arise, I would say this: There needn't be any "confessions" to your wife, husband, or engagement partner. Whatever has hap pened before you met doesn't concern him or her. It's your business and yours alone I But if your se cret can affect your marriage or children, you should tell. This would include any serious chronic ailments, a suspected tendency toward certain diseases, a prior marriage, or large debts. What is most important, however, is not what lies in your past but what you are now and what you will become as a wife, husband, or parent. Don't let your husband outgrow you This is a serious danger to a woman. A man, by leaving home daily to go to work, almost auto matically grows. He meets people, sees the world in action, and develops socially and intellectually. His wife, however, is left home with the babies, and her horizons may not expand. If all she learns, is the latest neighborhood gossip, then there is a good chance she will be shut out of her husband's expanding world. To prevent this drifting apart, a wife should par ticipate in community activities. She should take adult-education courses at night while her husband (Continued on page 6) Family Weekly, February 24, 1X1 5
